Creampuff Revolution

Creampuff Revives the Grand Tradition of NaBloPoMo

Obviously, my plan to blog once a month has UTTERLY FAILED. But my New Year's Resolution was to BLOG MORE and so this month, I am NaBloPoMo-ing to fulfill my obligation to myself that no one else give a shit about! Look forward to many short posts, pictures of the dog and things I've ripped off from Katr.

Oh, hey, speaking of Katr - today is the first day of Katr's birthday month! I have picked a theme for this year's birthday month gifts which I assume will become apparent as the month goes on. Just FYI, Katr - the theme is NOT "cats".

This gift is a testament to the power of advertising on Facebook. I could not "haha" at a meme or "heart" a pithy quote about Trump without seeing an ad for this goddamn cat lamp.  This thing was like a permanent fixture on my homepage for weeks. Its Pusheen-like shape and face drew me in. And finally, after many encounters, I clicked. And immediately bought it for my wife.

The cat arrived in a very fuckered up box and I was concerned that it had been broken. But of course, it is squishy and delightful and so was unharmed! And then, when I dropped the cat back in the box, it lit up like a joyful thought. And when I jostled it again, it started changing colours in the box - like the smallest gay disco on earth.

I was nervous that perhaps the cat lamp would only appeal to me. But as video evidence shows, the cat lamp proved acceptable and lo, I am still married! Huzzah! Happy Birthday Month, Katr! 

 

Day 1 of my birthday month. Meet my new office friend 🐱💖🎉😋 #birthday #catlight

A video posted by Kate (@queenkaticus) on Nov 1, 2016 at 8:52am PDT

 

In Creampuff's Defence...

HAHAHA just kidding, I have no defence, I'm just a lazy sow. Last year, I wrote 8 blog posts. EIGHT, YOU GUYS. I know no one reads blogs anymore, but it's still embarrassing. 

In my slight defence, though - the last gap of the year, between Oct 15 and now, contained the following developments:

1. I went to see my show, The Good Bride, at Northern Light Theatre, directed by Trevor Schmidt, starring Arielle Rombough. I'm not going to lie, it was AWESOME. I was so happy with how it turned out and kind of astonished at how smart NLT's production made me look. It also received some really amazing reviews, like this one. And this one. And also this one.
   
   
   
   
2. The day we returned home from Edmonton, we welcomed a new fuzzy family member to our home! Her name is Effie Trinket, because she's fancy. She has her own Instagram account.
   
   
   
   
3. Literally all of October and November are a complete blur because puppy. PUPPY PUPPY PUPPY PUPPY. All singing, all dancing, all whizzing, all cigarette-butt-eating, all staples-in-the-facing, all adorable event of the year. So cute but OMG, NEVER GET A PUPPY.
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
4. Shoebox Project for Shelters!! Katr was the Vancouver coordinator again this year and we took in almost twice as many boxes as last year. Huzzah!! No used thongs this year but there was a WHEEL OF BRIE in one of the boxes. Score!!
   
   
   
   
5. The Holidays. Which are now, sadly, complete. But Katr's brother Drtr arrived for an indefinite stay, we went to the island and Effie got to meet my family, Rosewood Cross added a few new buildings, I have a huge new pile of books to read and juuuuust as we were getting into a really sweet groove, we had to go back to work, like everyone else with a job. But today, I am basically wearing pyjamas and eating M&Ms for lunch, as a form of "easing back into things".
   
   

As per usual, as I reviewed my pitiful 8 posts of 2015, I looked back and evaluated last year's resolutions:

1. Try a new recipe once a week. This actually went very well for about two months, with Katr generally at the helm, and we did add a few new favourites to our repertoire! Cook books were opened! New ingredients were investigated! Chicken breasts were pounded super hard! But as the year wore on and things got busy, we fell back into our usual cooking routine. 
   
   
2. Weekly reading night. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA NEXT.
   
   
3. Turn 40. Yes, I did this LIKE A BOSS. 
   
   
4. Finish a draft of my play that doesn't suck. This is probably the most resounding success of the year. See above re: good reviews.
   
   
5. Blog more. Big fat fail, hello.

 This year's resolutions:

1. Write a new play. "Resolving" to do this worked so well the last time (I wrote one! Then I bragged about it on my blog! Then Northern Light Theatre produced it!) that I thought I'd try it again. I've signed up for the winter session of Wet Ink's Playwriting Intensive and I have NO IDEA what I'm going to work on but I've decided that it must be something super gay because my last two plays were all about the straights. No offense, straights.
   
   
2. Be more organized in the office. As I emptied out the Crate and Barrel bag that housed all of our business tax receipts last weekend, I thought "Jesus Christ. Who am I...Uncle Jesse (obscure Full House reference)?" We finally bought a new filing cabinet late last year and I am determined to get some shit FILED CORRECTLY and get rid of shit we don't need any more. There will be shredding, motherfuckers.
   
   
3. Read more. It's become clear that after two years, trying to institute a "weekly reading night" is an unrealistic goal. But I do read a little every night and for two weeks straight on our annual Mexican vacation, so I was alarmed that I failed to complete my "40 books in 2015" Goodreads challenge (I only read 37). So I've challenged myself to 40 books again this year and I will READ 40 BOOKS, even if I have to do most of my reading in the ladies' shitter.
   
   
4. Buy some more shoes. I know this sounds ridiculous - aren't most resolutions about buying FEWER shoes? - but I somehow lost my only non-sneaker pair of non-summer shoes and now I only have one pair of sneakers and no other winter shoes. Worse things have happened to better people, but the shoes aren't water-proof and when I walk the puppy in the rain, my shoes get soaked and then they're too cold and uncomfortable to put on again to go over to our friend Cach's house to negotiate who gets what cuts of our shared 1/8th of grass-fed beef. Plus, on the rare occasion that we go out for a meal, it would be nice to have a pair of non-sneakers.
   
   
5. No new tea. Between my epic tea shelf and the beautiful set of 9 tins of TWG teas that Drtr brought me from Singapore, my tea stash is now rivalling my yarn stash. I have a RIDICULOUS amount of tea. I vow that I will buy NO MORE NEW TEA IN 2016! And no new yarn! I am going to drink tea and knit all damn year!

Oh, and blog more.

Happy New Year!

Creampuff Excited to see The Good Bride at Northern Light Theatre!!

One year ago today, October 15, 2014, I sat down to write the first five pages of a new play. And tonight, that play previews at Northern Light Theatre in Edmonton! Holy shit!

It didn't seem really real until I saw these awesome photos. 

The lovely and luminous Arielle Rombough as Maranatha - photos by Ian Jackson of EPIC PHOTOGRAPHY

As longtime readers may recall, I became obsessed with the Stay-At-Home Daughter movement in December of 2010 and after years of reading blogs and forums and watching 19 Kids & Counting, I knew I wanted to write a play about it. BUT HOW??

My first attempt was a multi-character, full-length play about a pair of purity ball sisters, which seems like pretty fertile territory for both comedy and pathos. But as I wrote it, the story became increasingly predictable and preachy and just all kinds of ass. I was discouraged but I still signed up for the Wet Ink Collective's fall playwriting intensive in the hope that I would somehow be able to polish that turd of a play. And then, a few weeks before the intensive started, the Universe gifted me the story of Maranatha.

The Good Bride is based on the true story of 15 year old Maranatha, whose father decided that he wanted her wedding to her 28 year old fiancé to be inspired by weddings in Biblical times when the bride kneweth not when the bridegroom was showing up. So one night, he packed Maranatha off to stay with family friends and told her that every day from 3pm to midnight, she was to pack her suitcase, put on her wedding dress and wait for her man. Alone. In a room. In her wedding dress. Waiting to finally lose her virginity.

Um, yes, hello. THAT'S A PLAY, MOTHERFUCKERS!

With that beautiful frame on which to weave my Jesus-y tapestry, and with the ass-kicking support of  my fellow lady playwrights of Wet Ink, everything (slowly, laboriously) fell into place, juuuuust in time to coincide with Northern Light AD and all-around discerning genius Trevor Schmidt's search for a play to round out NLT's 40th Anniversary season. Synchronicity = complete.

I do kinda feel like I'm cheating, getting to see it brought to life so soon - my last professionally produced play took 3 years from the first workshop to the actual production. But I feel like God really had a plan for this oeuvre, particularly when the various Josh Duggar stories broke this summer and my obscure little story was suddenly topical. HA ha!! Winning by accident!

Anyway, the point is that I can't wait to see it in just one more sleep!!! And if you're in Edmonton, anytime from Oct 15 to 24th, I hope you'll check it out too. Please, Jesus! Please let there be an audience!

I think this will probably be the last braggy post for awhile...for right on the heels of the premiere of The Good Bride, Katr and I are taking on what will likely be a very hilarious yet humbling project. STAY TUNED.

Creampuff Turns 40, World Continues to Turn

So, I turned 40. It was pretty cool. Get ready for my customary birthday bragging, which will happen in two parts, because it was a big deal.

Katr has already proved that she is AWESOME at planning birthday surprises for me, so I knew that when I told her to "surprise me" for my 40th, she would come up with something special. AND I WAS RIGHT.

Firstly, there was the birthday fortnight, where Katr showered me biweekly with delightful gifts of cast iron skillets, books, movies, more shelves for my GINORMOUS TEA COLLECTION:

and adorable action figures:

 

Then Katr told me to book off the first 3 days of the week of my birthday and wouldn't tell me why. My top operating theories were:

• She would drive me to the middle of nowhere and leave me there with no money or cellphone and I would have to fight my way home and thus truly become a man
  
  
• She would take me somewhere to have my eggs harvested and frozen (this would be the ultimate surprise, as we have ZERO plans to ever reproduce)
  
  
• She would take me camping. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA just kidding, that would never happen.

I was cooking breakfast on the Monday morning, wondering what the day would bring, wearing the "socially acceptable clothes" Katr advised me to put on, when someone came through our front gate and rang the doorbell.

It was my best-friend-since-we-were-12 Padu. Who lives in Toronto. He was wearing the TARDIS onesie I bought him for Christmas. And he was carrying a box of donuts.

ERMAGERD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 Let's break this down. For MONTHS, Katr, whom I live with, and Padu, who I speak with on the phone frequently, were planning this visit unbeknownst to me. Katr set Padu up with plane tickets - Padu took three days off from his busy life to fly here - Padu changed into a TARDIS onesie in a public place and bought a box of donuts to fulfill Katr's fantasy "birthday surprise" entrance. I screamed and clapped like a seal and also there was a little crying. BEST FRIEND EVER. BEST WIFE EVER.

The donuts were very fresh.

Satisfied that she had succeeded in pulling off the ultimate 40th birthday surprise, Katr set Padu and I loose on the city while she nobly went back to work. The weather was kick-ass and it was -30 back in Toronto at the time, so over the course of two days, we enjoyed several hours of outdoor time:

Made a brief independent film:

Stopped for lunch and got the stupidest Caesar salad ever:

Saw Jupiter Ascending in 3D, seriously THE WORST MOVIE:

And had lobster at the Blue Water Cafe with my wonderful wife:

We got very loaded that night.

You know you're of a certain age when the waiter makes the "29th birthday" joke.

Sadly, Padu had to leave on Day 3, but since Katr had planned for me to take the day off, I got to spend the day after my 40th birthday knitting and eating my feelings. WINNING.

I have more birthday bragging to do, but I'll save it for next time. In the meantime, here are some deep thoughts and observations I had about turning 40:

• I have the best wife, best friends and best family ever.
  
  
• I am excited to be 40 because it means I'm not dead! A lot of people don't have the luck or privilege to get to this milestone. 
  
  
• I am sad to be 40 because it means that realistically, I PROBABLY will never be an Olympic athlete, a dream I have spent untold hours not working towards in any way.
  
  
• When you tell people you turned 40, their immediate reaction is to tell you that you look waaay younger than 40. It's okay, guys.
  
  
• Since I turned 40, I am having a lot more discussions with other ladies about their facial hair.
  
  
• I also used to laugh at older people who said stupid shit like "I may be 55 but I still think I'm in my 30s!" but now that I'm 40, I get it. I don't get "kids today" but I still feel like I am one and yet I still hate them.
  
  
• I am hopeful that I'll be around long enough for humans to establish a colony on Mars because I am obsessed (I don't want to go, I'm too lazy. I just want other people to go and then I can watch a show about it.)

Next time: my family comes to town to celebrate my birthday in their own inimitable way. Bonus old-y time-y photos!

Happy New Ye - Oh Shit, It's Almost February

Well, I suck a lot of balls. HA ha! Here's what I missed from the end of 2014.

Shoebox Project - that deserves its own separate post. In general, it was an awesome experience and in specific, SOMEONE DONATED A USED THONG PANTY. Here's our house the day the movers were coming to take 600 shoeboxes to the Downtown East Side Women's shelter:

A Bitter Spirit - Katr and Drtr did another amazing year of their ambitious, delicious, boozacious Cocktail Advent Calendar. This year, each cocktail was based on a holiday carol and I HIGHLY recommend you go check out their blog for inspiration. This one was one of my favourites, for obvious reasons:

 We spent a glorious few days on Vancouver Island with the family, then returned to flop on the couch, eat turkey, admire my village and watch a lot of TV. HEAVEN.

I got some new villagers this year:

Our tree *might* need to have some new lights next year:

And OMG EMMY IS SO CUTE IN HER PYJAMAS:

 As is my wont, I thought I'd check back to last year's resolutions to see how I did! Results: mixed.

1. See more plays. Well, I definitely saw more plays (and live performances in general) last year than I did the year before, so that's a win! I also joined a lady playwriting group, so while I may not be flitting about opening nights and drinking plastic glasses of shitty wine at intermissions on a regular basis, at least I'm reading a lot of plays and going to readings here and there and generally feeling like less of a liar when I tell people I'm a playwright. 

2. Write more plays. I just finished the first draft of my new play a couple of weeks ago, so SUCK IT 2014 RESOLUTION!!

3. Ferment. Our sole attempt at fermentation in 2014 went like this: Katr tried to ferment some lemons. But the photos in the fermentation book didn't match the instructions in the fermentation book, so that was confusing. And then Katr set aside the lemons to ferment in a cool dark space and then we both kind of forgot about them and the tl;dr there is we rotted some lemons in a jar.

4. Knit more. My perennial plan to knit more was foiled by an RSI I developed in my right shoulder over the summer, which made knitting hurt too much. But I've rehabbed myself and learned to mouse with my left hand, so I'm back on the knitting train! Sadly, it's slow-going secret knitting, so I basically can't show you anything. But the good news is I bought a WHOLE lot more yarn this year, even though I didn't have room!

5. Weekly reading night. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA FUCK YOU BOOKS

6. Board games. We definitely didn't stick to our biweekly board game schedule. But I *think* we played more games than last year and Katr's doing some sort of board game geek challenge this year, so we've already played more in January than we did over most of last year. 

Here are this year's resolutions:

1. Try a new recipe once a week. This is turning out VERY well. My favourite part is that Katr often takes it upon herself to make the new recipe, so instead of prepping and assembling chicken pesto proscuitto roulades, I'm just eating them. #WINNING Our most recent recipe was "slow cooker butter nut and bison cocoa chili". Do not recommend.

2. Weekly reading night. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA okay, this is still something we can do, but we need to pick the right weeknight. Yeah, that's it.

3. Turn 40. It's inevitable, but I feel like I should do it INTENTIONALLY instead of just letting it happen.

4. Finish a draft of my play that doesn't suck. When I finished my most recent draft, I allowed myself to let it suck a little, because if you finish it, and it sucks, then you can fix it, but if you never finish it, then that's dumb. SCIENCE.

5. I feel like I should have five resolutions, like, a minimum of five. Take more walks? Wear pants only on weekdays? Kick my Kingdom Rush habit? HAHA, just kidding I love you Kingdom Rush. Oh, I know...BLOG MORE.

 

Creampuff and the Crow

Today is Katr and my 7th wedding anniversary! It was a beautiful day in Vancouver and we celebrated the same way we celebrate our love every year - by being fucking ADORABLE. I love you, Katr!

ALL PHOTOS AND VIDEO THAT FOLLOW WERE PROVIDED BY KATR

On a break from being adorable, I took Emmy out for her pre-lunch sniffins today. As she staggered arthritically around, whizzing on everything, I kept hearing this weird scrabbling noise:

At first I didn't know what the hell it was. Then, I looked up and saw this:

What's that? Well, it's a crow. Trapped. In the eavestrough. On the 3rd floor. Here is an old realtor photo of the exterior of our house, just for reference:

Huh.

When animals are trapped and in distress and I cannot access them, my first instinct is to call the City. I don't know why. I feel like the City should handle it. So I made Katr call the City. 

The City was useless. Just, nothin'. No suggestions, no number to call. Sweet tweet. You suck, City of Vancouver.

Next, Katr called the Wildlife Rescue Association of B.C. They had a volunteer who could come help get the bird out - but he couldn't come until tomorrow. And he didn't have a ladder. HAHAHAHA

They did say that if we managed to get the bird ourselves and it was injured, we could bring it to them and they would try to rehabilitate it. Which is LOVELY but still left us with a trapped, freaked out bird and no way to get to it.

People were stopping on the sidewalk and giving us advice. One of these sidewalk people called the BC SPCA, who also had nothin'. One of our upstairs neighbours, Jeea, suggested that he could climb out onto the roof from the juliet balcony and get the crow that way, but that seemed like a good way to fall off the roof holding a crow, and, as a strata, we are not insured for that.

Then we remembered the people who came out and pigeon-proofed another area of our house about a year ago - the good folks at AAA Wildlife Removal (tagline: "The animal's choice")! So Katr called them and within an hour, Dan was here.

Dan had thick gloves and a big ladder. He also liked crows. He beetled up there and dislodged the frantic crow, then carefully carried him down the ladder. Here is a photo of Dan and the crow and apparently, Jesus behind them.

Dan was very nice to the crow, who was clearly a little effed up. 

Dan put the crow down. As you can see, the bird was not doing so hot.

It eventually tried to bounce away, but it was clear that his wings were all fuckered up. So Dan got his nets and we got a Shiraz box and Dan caught the crow and is going to take him to the wildlife rescue. Godspeed, crow! I hope you recover and return to our neighbourhood to caw annoyingly and pick apart leftover Subway sandwiches in the alley with your murder soon.

Is it crazy that I feel that the City should provide some kind of animal control services? The strata spent nearly $300 to rescue this crow! What if we didn't have $300 for crow rescue? Would we just have to listen to the death throes of this poor animal for a couple of days and then smell it until gutter cleaning season? Maybe I just have these expectations because of the socialist utopia we live in.

Anyway, the crow is free and it's back to being adorable for the rest of the day! Happy anniversary, Katr - I would marry you all over again if we hadn't spend all our jack saving that crow.

Creampuff Understands How Noah Felt

It's been a cold winter (by Vancouver standards) and Emmy Lou has been revelling in her stench for a couple months now, secure in the knowledge that it's too chilly to bathe her outside and that we would NEVER try to get her in the tub again after the last time. Sometimes, at night, I still hear the screaming.

But last weekend it was time for Ol' Corn Chips to get a sluicin', so we hauled her out into the sunshine and scrubbed her down as she vibrated with her customary rage. Once we'd towelled her off, we turned on the fireplace so she wouldn't catch cold and bunged all of her corn chippy bedding into the washer for a hot n' heavy wash.

An hour or so later, I went to move her bedding into the dryer and I noticed that there were some inexplicable patches of water on the floor. As I stepped towards the washer, the hardwood felt...squishy. Then I took another step and watched in horror as soapy water welled up from between the floorboards. It was like Noah, but with just the one animal.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

I'm no expert in ... anything, really, but I know that water coming up from the floorboards is "not good". I was pretty sure that we'd have to rip out the floor, the wall, replace the washer, take out a second mortgage...basically, I was prepared for things to suck around here for several weeks. I started looking up local laundromats while Katr called our "handy" friend to see if he had any recommendations. And he did.

Our friend Dase recommended Chris (actual human name), whose Cambie Appliance Repair serviced our area. Chris managed to fit us in the next day, and within minutes had figured out that the whole catastrophe had been caused by a cracked drainage hose that had been slowly leaking out the bottom of the washer for an untold period of time. It wasn't spewing gallons of water at a time - but because we do, like, 4-5 loads of laundry per week, all on the same day, the water would add up and mess up the floorboards...then dry throughout the week...then fuck up the floorboards again. Emmy's extra corn chip load pushed it over the edge.

Chris ordered a new hose, came to install it two days later and then...my favourite...made a video of himself testing our washer for archival purposes. It's 9 minutes long. You don't have to watch it. But if you want to know what the inside of a front-loading Whirlpool washer looks like, NOW YOU KNOW.

And then Chris charged us for his work, gave us some friendly, helpful tips on washer maintenance, and was on his way. AND THAT WAS IT. Magic!

So the moral of this story is, if you live in East or West Vancouver and your shit breaks, call Chris!! He is awesome.

Anyway, back to Emmy Lou. Once her blankie was clean, this happened for the very first time:

 Usually when I try to put a blanket on her, she LEAVES THE ROOM. But she was so worn out from her bath that she stayed all snoodled up and it was the cutest thing ever.

Creampuff Gives Lunchbox Theatre's Camp Victoria ONE MILLION STARS

NB: This post is basically just one long brag about how happy I am with my show and how great my birthday was, it was great, I'm so great, blah blah WE GET IT YOU'RE GREAT.

So, Saturday March 1st was the preview/sponsor appreciation Gala for my play Camp Victoria at Lunchbox Theatre in Calgary and it was a little embarassing how awesome the whole night was.

My parents, my brother and his lady and my aunts all GOT ON A PLANE to come see it and another aunt, uncle and three cousins and my brother's lady's parents also came and my parents hosted a pre-show dinner and we all drank and ate and traipsed over to see the show and it was even better than I'd hoped. And then after there was wine and schmoozing and I got to meet and celebrate with all of the wonderful folks who'd made the theatre magic happen!! Basically, it was a fantastic night and it served as a yet another reminder of how ridiculously lucky I am to have such support from my lady wife and my giant, super cool family. HA ha! Winning!

And then, last Monday,  Camp Victoria "officially" opened  - ON MY BIRTHDAY.

Like the glamorous playwright I am, I started the day with a leisurely breakfast, then coffee with Lunchbox AD and old friend, the lovely Glenda Stirling. That's right - I drank coffee on my birthday.

Then it was time for some hot Camp Victoria action!

Outside the theatre, there were headshots...and one of them was me! I swear, I am not loaded in this photo.

I had "Happy Opening" flowers from some super sweet friends.

FLOWERS, MOTHERFUCKERS!

And then, it was magic time!

The set...because when someone produces your play, they also produce a set.

Acting!

Drinking!

These actors are professionals. Not only did they all turn in stellar performances, but they managed to keep going after this old man in the front row got up in the middle of the show, walked across the front of the stage, leaned out the door of the theatre to talk to a volunteer, closed the door, walked back across the front of the stage to return to his seat and THEN, 10 MINUTES LATER, got up, took his coat and walked back across the front of the stage, then stood beside the stands PUTTING HIS COAT on while I sang "Killing me. Killing me softly. With his coat. Telling my whole life...with his loud parka" to Glenda, who was quietly dying beside me. Kudos, ladies! I would have punched him in the junk.

After the show, my aunts took me out for fancy birthday lunch because they are lovely. You can tell just by looking at them that they are HILARIOUS.

Then I treated myself to a manicure, because Katr was taking me out for a fancy dinner.

After she worked at our client's all day, Katr treated birthday me to a delicious dinner at Rouge, where jeans are inappropriate, but apparently yoga pants are okay. We got all dressed up and took fuzzy pictures of ourselves and I saw a rabbit! And I was born in the Year of the Rabbit!

After a boozy dinner, we rolled fatly back to our hotel, where I spent the last moments of my birthday being gloriously full and laughing about that old man and his parka. Good times.

It was hard to come home after the glitz and glamour of Calgary (although -40C made it a LITTLE easier to leave). I wish I could be there for every show to tell everyone how great they are but I guess that might get wearing. 

Anyhoo, if you're in Calgary, Camp Victoria runs until March 22 and I'm not the only one who thinks ladies getting loaded in the woods are fun- there are nice Calgary Herald and Calgary Sun reviews to back me up!

Creampuff is a Little Too Excited to See Camp Victoria at Lunchbox Theatre

Me to Katr yesterday, when she got home from a meeting: My interview with Swerve went okay, I guess. I basically yapped at the guy about women in the Yukon for 20 minutes.

Katr: OMG, POST ABOUT IT ON YOUR BLOG ALREADY OR I WILL DO IT

Rehearsals for my play Camp Victoria have started and in just over a week, I get to go to Lunchbox Theatre in Calgary to see it!! Woooo!

Faith and all four VON nurses on their way to the Klondike

I will not lie to you - I am a little too excited to see this show brought fully to life. As I said in my post about it last year, the cast is THE SHIT and the director is FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC.

Add to that an awesome creative team creating the set and costumes and sound and I think it's going to be a sweetass show. I am a lucky, lucky playwright to be working with such brilliant people.

Also, one of my favourite thing about it is that it's one of the shows that Lunchbox is trying to sell to schoolchildren, so there's a Camp Victoria STUDY GUIDE, which is SO AWESOME I can't stand it. So if you're a teacher in Calgary with a hole in your Canadian content, this is a great way to fill it.

It's hard to promote yourself without sounding like a giant twatburger so here are some simple FAQs to round out this braggy-ass post:

When does it open?

Camp Victoria officially opens on March 3 and runs through March 22. See the Lunchbox website for showtimes! 

Will you be there?

YES!! I will be there for the March 3rd & March 4th performances. Join me! 

Who should see it?

Everyone. It's funny and contains Canadian history, so it's also educational. Docere et delectare, am I right, theatre nerds who remember this one Latin phrase?

Do Registered Nurses get a 25% discount on tickets because there are nurses in the play?

They do! 

Is Victorian garb mandatory?

Yes, that's right.

Seriously?

DID I STUTTER?

Roro...

Okay, I'm kidding. You can wear what you want. The actors, however, will be wearing Victorian garb and I just didn't want you to be jealous.

Will you be talking about this constantly throughout the three week run?

FUCK YES.

 I fervently hope that my next post will contain a photo of me surrounded by actors in Klondike hiking gear - and that if you live in Calgary, you'll consider checking the show out.

For more Camp Victoria news and so many other fine Canadian plays, be sure to follow Lunchbox Theatre on Twitter and Facebook.

Faith and a bunch of miners. Puffed sleeves FOR DAYS.
Anne of Green Gables would be so jealous...

Creampuff Expands Rosewood Cross and Wintersea

As you may recall, last year Katr fulfilled my lifelong dream of owning a Christmas village. My tiny village filled me with joy every time I looked at it and I couldn't wait until next year, when I would add another tiny residence or business to my collection.

Here's the thing: these Department 56 Dickens Village buildings are not cheapo and I figured that if I was lucky, every year, Katr would pick out a suitable building for me and that my village would grow very slowly, year over year, spilling on to adjacent windowsills, perhaps requiring a shelf at some point.

Then Katr discovered eBay.

I knew for some time that Katr was planning something special for my village this year when she informed me that I would have to come up with a name for the village, because the "planning department" needed to know. We decided that the main village (in the dining room) would be "Rosewood Cross" and that the seaside village (in the office) would be "Wintersea".

All through the run-up to the holiday season, there were strange packages arriving and clandestine local meet-ups but I remained blissfully ignorant of Katr's ultimate plans. For our wedding anniversary in November, she presented me with  not one but TWO buildings for my village - a molasses factory (hahahaha)  and a boarding school (where young girls discover lesbianism). I was thrilled - but I thought she was really blowing her building wad.

Little did I know.

On Christmas morning, I was already spoiled and a little drunk when it came time to open my final gift...which was a small box full of replacement light cords and a note from the Rosewood Cross Development Office. I was mystified. And then Katr fired up the Apple TV and played this video. Which she made. And did the voice-over for. In an hilarious "British" accent. Because SHE IS AWESOME.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HOLY SHIT. I love you, Katr.

So, many unboxings and squeals of joy and pluggings in later, here is a slideshow of new Rosewood Cross and Wintersea, if you are a nerd and want to see them. You know you want to.

Also included are the photos from last year, for comparison - and because I was too lazy to start a new set on Flickr for the 2014 Village. 

(Here's a link to the slideshow on Flickr if you're on Firefox and can't see it ;)

I love my village so much. Maybe a little too much. Maybe I should make year-round seasonal vignettes, like the hardcore collectors do! Ooo, there's also a "springtime" collection that comes without snow! HAHAHAHA stop me before I become one of them.

What will next year bring to Rosewood Cross and Wintersea? I can only imagine what Master Potts has in mind. All I can say is that whomever he invites to town, I say "APPRRRROVED!"