Creampuff Revolution

Creampuff's 2020 Christmas Village

I'm not going to lie to you, folks - it was a challenge to get it up to get my village up for 2020.

Our sassy little wrinkle dog dying of a sudden illness in October and then a beloved member of my extended family passing away just this weekend were truly the thick layer of grief fondant on the layer cake of ass that was this year. But my village brings me joy and Katr cleared the bookshelves off for me and gave me a cool new background, so I put my urban planning hat on (it's a cloche) and got my shit together.

I kept the village small this year, gang - only one location. And it's mainly Department 56 Harry Potter village items. There's a theme this year and it's pretty subtle, so I hope you're able to pick up on it.

Gringott's Bank offers the two things we're all looking for in a bank - it protects your Galleons and believes in your basic human rights. We all roll our eyes a little when they have a float in the Pride Parade (fucking corporate rainbow washing) but still. 

"I. EAT. TERFS!!!!!"

Here we have Albus and Severus explaining how She Who Must Not Be Named just kept doubling down on her bullshit transphobic "logic" this year, just over and over, just digging herself deeper and deeper into a TERF-y hole and how she used her huge platform to say things that materially endangered the well being of trans people, and also about the plot of her latest book. Minerva, who is not on Twitter, is FUCKING APPALLED. Look at her WTF face. Masterful work by Department 56 here.

Lydia the Tea Monger serves the best tea in town. Be prepared for her to talk to you about her deep crush on Elliot Page. Mr. and Mrs. Barnes have been standing there for well nigh an hour.

Whether you're willow with a heart of unicorn hair or elm with a core of dragon heartstring, Ollivander's is a safe place to shop for the new wand you'll need after a year of cursing out You Know Who. 

Borgin and Burkes may be engage in unethical business practices, but they're not dipshits.

They welcome magical folk of all genders to peruse their cursed necklaces and weird collection of human bones.

Over at the Three Broomsticks, the Butterbeer is hot, the Fire Whiskey is cold and Madam Rosmerta has NO TIME FOR TRANSPHOBIC BULLSHIT.

Here, Ron mansplains the nuances of gender identity - badly - to an endlessly patient Hermione. Harry just nods - because Harry know what's up.

Breckinridge serves the best roasted chestnuts in town. Be prepared for them to talk to you about their deep crush on Elliot Page. Mrs. Turner and little Nan have been standing there for well nigh an hour.

Lily Brothers saw this coming.  And Jimmy at the newsstand wasn't sure he was going to put his flag up until his customer Mr. Collins stopped by one morning and tried to engage Jimmy in a conversation about "cancel culture". Jimmy got his flag from Madam Rosmerta, she had extra.

To be honest, Mrs. Crachit's not super sure what's going on around here this year. She's worried Buckbeak might try to eat her birds. Bob's late getting home from work again. But she made sure to hang this flag on her house because she has a lot of kids. And if one of them wants to tell her something...she wants them to know they can.

And that's it! I know that this holiday season will be rough for some of us and that most of us are missing seeing our families this year. I am sending you all lots of love. And I wish you all a cozy holiday season full of magic, snacks and great books by authors who don't endanger the lives of queer, non-binary and trans people with hateful rhetoric. Fuck TERFs!!

 

Rosewood Cross 2019 - Mo Lasses, Mo Problems

This year in Rosewood Cross, I decided to visit some of the more residential neighbourhoods. On the upper shelf is Rosecroft Lane, where the rich people live and send their children to private school.

This is Scrooge's nephew Fred's place. Fred is a sweet guy who always invites his jerky uncle to share the holidays and every year Scrooge is like "Fuck that shit" and Fred is secretly relieved, because he's pretty sure his uncle is the one who clogged up Fred's brand new flush toilet the one time he came over.

Outside Howard Row houses, Mr. and Mrs. Reynolds get coffee from a cart because their cook, Sophie, ran off with some ne'er do well a week ago and now they're fucked for hot beverages.

The coffee cart operator seems a little nervous and spills some coffee on the ground. 

Mr. Reynolds jokes to Mrs. Reynolds that the coffee cart fellow's hands are shaking at her beauty.

And he's not far off.

Because the coffee cart operator is actually their cook Sophie, who left their house because she'd fallen for Mrs. Reynolds.

Sophie and Mrs. Reynolds used up all the parsnips in the pantry but in her heart, Sophie knew pillow princess Mrs. Reynolds would never leave her rich husband, who supports her jewelry-making business. Heartbroken, but determined, Sophie stole away in the night, borrowed her brother's clothes and started her own small business. What was Sophie thinking bringing the cart to back to this neighbourhood? Hoping to catch a glimpse of her beloved? Or is she just terrible with directions, like her brother Jolly Roger, who's just been discharged from the Navy?

The nuns who run the boarding school step outside for some al fresco singing and a hushed discussion about whether they should tell the Mother Superior about their polyamorous triad.

On the lower shelf is Sweet Street, where the Scrooge's long suffering employee Bob Crachit lives with his family. 

In the front window, you can see Mrs. Crachit setting the table for Christmas dinner and yelling at Tiny Tim, who has used up the family's internet plan uploading ASMR videos of him sanding his crutches to YouTube. "How the fuck am I supposed to get that plum pudding recipe off Pinterest now, Tim?"

All kidding aside, this is a new piece in my collection and I am OBSESSED with it. The detail is AMAZING. The Crachits!!

Next door to the Crachits is Lomas Molasses and Treacle, which give Sweet Street its name. 

As is her tradition, Mrs. Lomas is outside selling delicious figgy puddings to her neighbours. If you use the password - "Spotted Dick" - Mrs. Lomas will give you a pudding from the back of the booth that has weed in it. 

Down the street from Lomas Molasses, for the right price, Billy Marsden will give you a Pickwick Club paper and the password for the weed pudding, so try not to look like a narc. Top hat guy - definitely a narc.

Potter and Yang's Tea Shop is a recent addition to Sweet Street, so you'd think the young lady out front would be giving out tea samples. But she's actually a local parfumier whom Potter and Yang have brought in to raise the tone.

"Oh, Mrs. Cartwright," says Julia the parfumier, "this scent is just heavenly on you."

She leans in.

"But your natural scent might be even more beguiling."

Mrs. Cartwright smiles a slow smile.

 

Creampuff Presents Wintersea 2019: We're In The Navy Now

It's that magical time of year again, where I dig through our various cupboards and closets and make my careful selections for this year's vignettes. I wanted to use some buildings I haven't seen in awhile, PLUS I got a new one for Christmas last year that I had totally forgotten about, so in Wintersea (aka the top of the filing cabinet and the windowsill in our office), I decided to go with a nautical theme.

Here is the nautical part - the Queens Port Naval Academy! Established in 1734, this venerable institution has been turning out the finest seamen in the land and also, surprisingly, some of the tenderest lovers in the Royal Navy. Rear Admiral McKay and his "assistant", Sub Lieutenant Barnes, gives lectures and demonstrations on consent and ass play to cadets. 

Today the Academy has received a visit from the Queen herself! That's how they refer to First Sea Lord and Admiral Rupert Delares, who wears his hat in a rakish fashion and has a fetish for the thick ropes.

The First Sea Lord, exhausted after letting loose some first sea loads, is also stopping off at the carriage works to see if he can get bouncier springs in his carriage, for when he has Jolly Roger with him. 

Wintersea townsfolk are always impressed by a title, so Sir Edward Shaftsbury's out by the carriage works with the Ladies Auxiliary Brass Band, singing his heart out in tribute to the First Sea Lord, whom Sir Edward fancied at school. Will the First Sea Lord recognize him, 30 years later? Will Sir Edward's baritone echo through the village tonight for...other reasons?

Not everyone in Wintersea is a big mo, however, Seamen who prefer the company of women can often be found making time with Mrs. Lemon at the Three Lemons Inn up the road. She provides a friendly port to any wandering ship, with the stipulation that her husband gets to watch.

The place is called the Three Lemons Inn because the family name is Lemon but also because Mr. Lemon, or "Ol' Three Balls", as Mrs. Lemon calls him, has three balls.

Chief petty officers awaiting their visit with Mrs. Lemon can get in the mood over at Leeds' Oyster House, or shop for nautical gifts at the Octant Navigational Device shop upstairs. If you ask nicely, the proprietor, Mrs. Sexton, will show you into a back room where ... other devices are for sale. She'll give you a knowing look, but no judgment.

The Lemon children are often at loose ends when their folks are entertaining. Here they are by the village Christmas tree, just waiting it out, like when you're in first year and your roommate is getting laid and you most certainly are NOT.

Tomorrow - Rosewood Cross!

Creampuff Sneak Peak

I set my village up today and let me tell you, construction work is exhausting. Here is a sneak preview; tomorrow, the annual crappy shots of my Dickens Village!

Creampuff's Village Planning Begins

We usually put up our tree and set up my Dicken's Village the weekend of our wedding anniversary, but this year I had an event to attend and now we're almost a WEEK behind our usual festive decor schedule.

When I got home from my walk with the dog this morning, I noticed a suspicious-looking mound of sheets on the dining room table. 

Me: "What's that?"

Katr: "I dunno, some guy named Master Potts was here..."

Me: "AAAAAAAAAAAAA!!"

Get ready for some shit to get real at Cratchit's Corner, gang.

Creampuff's 2018 Dickens Village Part Trois: Diagon Alley!!!!!11!!!

When I heard that Department 56, purveyors of my beloved Dickens Village, were introducing new Harry Potter Village pieces this year, I totally lost my shit. Not only am I a HUGE Harry Potter fan, but the style of the Harry Potter pieces is very in keeping with my preferred Village, i.e. Dickens Village. It's like I've been PLANNING THIS FROM THE START.

Usually I give Katr (and her alter ego, Master Potts)  free reign on building choices and I remain in blissful ignorance and enjoy being surprised, but once Department 56 made their Harry Potter announcement, I knew we would have to coordinate.

There are only three building options for the Harry Potter village this year: Hogwarts Castle (waaaay too big), Hagrid's hut (too hutlike, plus Katr doesn't dig on Hagrid for various reasons) and the PERFECT building for a Village nerd trying to recreate Diagon Alley: OLIVANDERS WAND SHOP. And on Friday, I GOT IT OMG. I plugged it in and LUMOS!

Ooo, let's see it from another angle!

Aaaaaaah. The little wand boxes in the window! The little sign with the wand and the O! Love.

Now, Ollivander's is not the only Harry Potter item in Diagon Alley. Katr also made sure that I had a few accessories to really give it an authentic feel. The only problem with the Harry Potter village accessories is that I can't make up dirty stories about the characters because they're just kids and I never got into Harry Potter slash fic. But the lady in the background with the birds is definitely sleeping with Tom, who runs the Leaky Cauldron. The birds like to watch.

Here, Dumbledore cautions Harry about excessive manspreading when he's doing spells.

Nearby, Hermione and Ron practise their spells on Scabbers, who looks like he's been gored pretty bad. Episkey!

As I said, the Harry Potter style is very similar to the Dickens Village style, so when it came to choosing the other two buildings for my Diagon Alley vignette, I had a few options.

PLUS, in a couple of other prescient moves, my friend Chpl sent me the Lily Bros. Gazing Balls shop for my birthday a few years back - an obvious hang-out for Professor Trelawney.

And last year, for some completely unfathomable and therefore delightful reason, my friend Jech included a dragon in my box of Christmas goodies. HOW DID THEY KNOW

I like the idea that the dragon has just escaped from Gringotts and is hitting up the crystal ball shop to decide what to do next.

The final building in Diagon Alley - for NOW - is Fagin's Hideaway. Katr got Fagin's Hideaway real cheap along with some other lovely building several years ago now and because it has a bit of a rough and tumble vibe, I've never really found a place for it in my village. But this year, I thought that Fagin is probably the Muggle most likely to have his spot staked out in Knockturn Alley.

Out in front of Fagin's is a kid selling the Daily Prophet to some dude who is clearly a total douche. I mean, just look at this kid's face.

 

 On the other side of Fagin's is the chestnut seller, but because this is Diagon Alley, probably the chestnuts have fangs.

 And here, finally, is Rosewood Cross in all of its two-shelf glory!

 I'm so happy.

Creampuff's 2018 Dickens Village Part Deux: Rosewood Cross

This year, I chose to show a different side of Rosewood Cross. A softer side. A side where ladies go to be...in the company of other ladies. I give you...Beaver Mews.

No one's schlong is out in Beaver Mews, just sayin'.

The new piece for my village this year is the Nine Ladies Dance Conservatory!! Established earlier in the century by dance (and dancer) enthusiast, the Duchess of Marylebone, the school accepts nine willing, nubile young ladies every year for ... dance training.

The dancers are accompanied by resident violinist Magda, who really knows how to work the strings! Just, like, such magic fingers and REALLY nice hands. Sadly for many a love-lorn dancer, Magda prefers the plum duff of Helena, who runs the tea cart. 

Though she is regularly upbraided by her employer, Mrs. Brimm, for choosing a location with little traffic, Helena often sets up the tea cart within earshot of the Nine Ladies, so that she can hum along with Magda's adagios and dream about rosining Magda's bow in their flat above Mrs. Brimm's Tea Room.

When a lady needs some tea and crumpets and doesn't want to deal with nuts, she goes to Mrs. Brimm's. Best brunch in town and Mrs. Brimm also gives seminars on power dynamics in the back room on Monday nights, for the shy but determined D/s crowd.

 When dancers from the Nine Ladies Conservatory graduate, their dream is to perform for the roaring crowd in the cabaret upstairs at the Piccadilly Gallery. The Gallery is full of dark corners, for doing dark deeds and many ladies leave there with their skirts a-quiver.

On your way home from the show with your sweetheart? Why not buy a posy from Eliza? Her name is Doolittle, but Eliza actually does... A LOT. If you know what I mean. And I think that you do. Because it is not a subtle joke.

Now, if you look REAL close at the last photo, you might notice there's a dragon in the lower right hand corner. What is up with the dragon? Whence the dragon, Roro? Well, STAY TUNED, because this non-stop village thrill ride HAS A PART THREE THIS YEAR OMG.

Creampuff's 2018 Dickens Village Part Un: Wintersea

As I mentioned yesterday, I had a little more on my urban planning plate with the village this year and a little less time to make it happen. Urban planning always starts in bed.

 

Last year, I chose to feature the bustling high street of Wintersea, with its new pub, the molasses factory, Stratford Pies and Tarts and various horny vendors with lengthy backstories.

This year, the Wintersea vignette is showcasing the residential areas of the town, but the rich area, with the fancy houses and the park. As usual, my photos are a little ass.

 The Misty Point Park at the bottom right of Wintersea hasn't had an outing in a few years. You can fill it with water and there's a teeny tiny fog machine in it that produces sexay holiday mist. The only catch is that it leaks, so now I just stuff it with "snow". But it's still a great gathering place for the neighbourhood to be subjected to Sir Edward Shaftbury's insistent baritone. As usual, he is surrounded by his forbearing neighbours and is accompanied by the Ladies Auxiliary Brass Band, to whom he pays a pittance.

The euphonium player did not want her face shown. And I don't blame her.

The music isn't ruining the romantic mood of Charles and Anna, who are canoodling down the hill from the park, just out of sight.

Charles is playing it coy with the mistletoe, but what you can't tell from the picture is that his schlong is already out.

 Fortunately, none of the servants are watching from the front window of Anna's house. But no Christmas blowie for Charles, Anna is a lady.

Things are a little more innocent up at Mulberry Court, where little Susan and her brother Tiberius are having a little snowball fight. What Tiberius doesn't know is that Susan hid dog shit in the snowballs! Won't Nanny be annoyed!

A new feature at Mulberry Court: a Little Free Library!

The resident of Number 5 Mulberry Court, Lady Langostine, was vociferously against putting the LFL near her door, because she thought it might invite the wrong element (i.e. poor people) into the neighbourhood, but she has come around. Mainly because Mrs. Muldoon's cook has been leaving all of her spicy novels in there. Lady Langostine's husband was very surprised the other night when, out of the blue, Lady Langostine grabbed his todger and SEEMED TO SUDDENLY KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH IT.

You know who's NOT getting any in Wintersea this holiday season? Kevin, who lights the light by the water tower.

Technically, Kevin works for Sir Edward Shaftsbury and not the municipality, but when the previous lamplighter got caught defecating in the gazebo in Misty Point Park, Sir Edward volunteered Kevin for the job. Kevin doesn't mind; he thinks the water tower is beautiful and spends a lot of time contemplating its twin phalluses towers. Kevin might be gay.

Well, that's it for Wintersea this year. Stay tuned for the exciting new buildings (and wildlife) of Rosewood Cross!

Creampuff is a Village Tease

As is our tradition, Katr gave me a new Dickens Village piece for our anniversary this year and yesterday, I began the exciting task of composing vignettes for my two village locations - the village of Wintersea (the filing cabinet and windowsill in the office) and the bustling town of Rosewood Cross (two! of the bookshelves in the living room).

Urban planning was challenging this year and I only had time to finish the Wintersea vignette, so you'll have to wait for the big reveal until I finish Rosewood Cross later this week.

But here is a taste - the long-absent Bluebird cottage (in suburban Wintersea, a.k.a. a corner of my desk), where Dottie and Sandra tend their three French hens by day and tend their two French hens by the fire all night. IF. YOU. KNOW. WHAT. I. MEAN.

They're lesbians.

Creampuff's 2017 Village is Filled with Holiday Cheer (Because There's a Pub Now)

Part of our anniversary tradition is that Katr gives me a new piece from the Department 56 Dicken's Village collection so that I can officially kick off village season in my two municipalities - Wintersea and Rosewood Cross. To be clear, these pieces are new TO ME, not the latest pieces in the collection. Because the great thing about Dicken's Village stuff is that people are always selling theirs so that they can BUY MOAR VILLAGE and Katr know how to find the best things on the internet.

For weeks, we've had a a large box marked "Fragile", which we named "FraGEElay", in the corner of the dining room, just taunting me with its existence. More than once, Katr caught me in an unguarded moment, leaning over the box and whispering "Not long now, Frageelay."

It turns out that Frageelay contained TWO items this year: Howard St. Row Houses and Mulberrie Court, two stunning, yet VERY DIFFERENT residential structures. PLUS, there were also a few accessories, including the CUTEST THING EVER.

A LITTLE FREE LIBRARY!!!!! OMG YOU GUYZ!

I DIED.

I had not one, not two, but THREE village locations this year - a bookshelf in the living area, a windowsill and the top of the filing cabinet in the office and, because I cleaned my fucking desk, I had space for one little vignette on the corner. 

To the planning department!

Mulberrie Court was very large and grand, so I gave it pride of place on the bookshelf. If you look closely, you can see the teeeeeny tiiiiiiny little potted trees that come with it.

In front of Mulberrie Court, we have the Ladies' Auxiliary Brass Band, blowing their freaking hearts out.

Probably because they're trying to drown out this blowhard who's REALLY milking his solo, like he's Cam from Modern Family. Dude, just...we get it.

Sometimes you need a little something to get you through these endless carol singing performances. And in Rosewood Cross, that something is hot nuts. Hot chestnuts, that is. This is a new piece and it fucking FLICKERS you guys.

This lady came to hear the Ladies' Auxiliary Brass Band but she decided to grab some fish and chips while Fucko the Singer does his thing. "It's been like this all day," the fish n' chips vendor tells her, "this guy will not shut it!"

Potter and Yang's tea shop just opened on the corner and they're already regretting putting that bench outside, because people keep leaving greasy, wadded up fish and chip paper on it.

And here's the full scene from Rosewood Cross. So much bustling!

Now, I shared my Howard row house vignette yesterday, but here is the main drag of Wintersea, in all of its shitty photo glory!

Of course, the centre of village life - the Staghorn Lodge pub! I got this piece for Christmas last year, but since it was no longer NaBloPoMo, I failed to blog about it. I love the antler accents and the totally wasted couple out front, who are toasting their anniversary.

Down the street from the pub is Lomas Molasses and Treacle. That's Mrs. Lomas out front, selling "figgy pudding to go" to Mrs. Crawford and her weasle-y son, Milton. Notice Mr. Crawford is holding the pud, as Mrs. Crawford and Milton have tied one on at the Staghorn Lodge.

Steve the Holly Salesman is trying to play it cool while the Crawfords buy pudding, but you know he's going to hit them with the hard sell as soon as they start for home.

Steve's wife Cathy is mad because he keeps making a joke about how "Holly is 2P and my wife's name is Holly!", a joke that is not funny. "Fuck you Steve," thinks Cathy.

But don't feel too bad for Cathy. She's getting some on the side with Josh the Pie Man, from Stratford Pies and Tarts. Josh is always telling Cathy that she's sweet as treacle tart, which she loves. Plus, Josh has a great moustache and a really big schlong.

Up in the less seedy part of town, Lily Bros. Gazing Balls, the Navigational Devices store and the Oyster bar attract a more sober clientele. The kind who buy birds from randos on the street.

Meanwhile, back at the Howard row houses, Steve has worked his mistletoe magic and this young man, Patrick, is putting the moves on his lady friend Violet. Violet is not sure she's into Patrick but don't worry about Violet - if Patrick gets fresh, she WILL kick him in the chestnuts.

I cannot tell you how much joy I get from creating these amateurish vignettes, but I DO, you guys, I LOVE IT. Thanks to Katr, who keeps Rosewood Cross and Wintersea full of fresh new citizens and urban development. I'm seriously already planning for next year. Definitely time to get the Naval Academy out again - those dudes are horny as hell and the women of the Ladies Auxiliary Brass Band are fuckin' DOWN TO CLOWN.