Creampuff Revolution

Creampuff's Neighbour Who Hates Us Part III

Part I of the Neighbour Who Hates Us

Part II of the Neighbour Who Hates Us

It may surprise you to learn that I have a pathological need to be liked. Obviously, that ship had sailed with NWHU but part of what bothered me about her boom boxing was that other people in the neighbourhood might think that not ONLY were we the source of the loud construction noises (on weekdays only and never after 5pm but still), but we were also shitbags who like to blast our terrible music.

It seemed weird to go door-to-door and say "You know that super loud music that blasts from this general area intermittently on evenings and weekends? That's...not us. It's our neighbour, who is angry we're building a pool in our yard."

The car alarm thing, however, felt like more of an opening to tattle. After the first weekend, I planned to put together a noise complaint to send the city and, while I didn't go door-to-door, I did stop and talk to any neighbours I ran into while I was out walking Pumbaa. I told them who the source of the car alarm (and music) was and asked if I could include their addresses in my complaint.

This experience was very comforting, because everyone I spoke to was OUTRAGED on our behalf and most of them already disliked NWHU for various reasons.

Our nice neighbours on the other side were ready to go knock on her door but I told them they didn't want to get sucked into her vortex of fuckery.

The neighbours on the other side of NWHU rolled their eyes and were also shocked to learn that NWHU was the same woman who the whole neighbourhood hears screaming for her cat every night. (Sidenote about these neighbours, they are awesome and we have them over for boardgames sometimes! So thanks, NWHU.)

Then NWHU took a three-week break from her audio assault. Maybe someone else complained to her and she had a moment of sanity? Who can say?

I put a hold on my complaint-to-the-city plans. Because frankly, I wanted to just get the fucking pool done and when someone is acting this unhinged, you don't want to provoke them further. At the time, it was just music and the occasional car alarm but who fucking knows what else she would do?

I had visions of her lying down in front of the water truck so that we couldn't fill the pool; or throwing something over the fence to damage the pool equipment. We already had security cameras in the back but we adjusted them to keep an eye on the fence line, just in case.

At the end of June, she fired up the boom box again, but things got extra fun at the beginning of July. One afternoon, our very gregarious and peace-loving hardscaper, Tyma, happened to be working on the "close to NWHU" edge of the upper patio and NWHU happened to come outside.

He made some comment about "we'll have to be good neighbours because we can now shake hands over this part of the fence" (no thanks!) and she went OFF on him about how we were horrible fucking neighbours and that she has no more fucking privacy and we were making a dusty mess, among other things apparently, I wasn't there and heard this second-hand from the stunned work crew.

I was like "Tyma, why did you engage? Don't engage!" but he's so nice and just wanted to fix things. So the next day, he went over and kindly offered to pressure wash her house and patio for free when the job was done.

This was a mistake.

She started screaming at him about how we weren't even allowed to have a pool, that it's against regulations. But she also apparently said horrible shit about us and his crew which he refused to repeat to me after the fact. Whatever she said to him made him so furious that he withdrew the offer, obviously, and told her that she wasn't a good person (this is a euphemism, I don't know the actual thing he said.)

Immediately after this incident, around 4:30pm, she set off her car alarm again, while peering through our fence at the front. Then set it off again at 4:37pm. Then again at 4:55pm. Then again at 5:01pm. Then she blasted her boom box from 5:30pm to 5:45pm. Then the car alarm again. Then her son came home and she stopped being bananas...until 12:15am, when she set off the car alarm again. Then the next morning (a Saturday), she boom-boxed from 7:25am until 8am, then a brief burst of car alarms. Then the boom box again later in the afternoon for about an hour.

All the other neighbours were texting me WTF and it was lovely neighbourhood-solidarity-building weekend. How delightful to have company in our disgruntlement. We both took a lot of pot gummies.

I guess NWHU's exhausting audio revenge schedule eventually caught up with her, so she took a break and turned instead to the internet, where she proceeded to leave 1-star Google reviews for both our pool contractors (who she'd never actually met or talked to) and our hardscaper.

This was a big deal, because both these folks have solid 5 star ratings on Google. Our pool contractor Lopo was in our yard when he got the call from his wife (and business partner) Mepo. I heard him say over the phone "1-star? Who is [Actual name of NWHU]?" and I was OMG THAT'S NWHU!! And he was like "What? What did *I* do??" HAHAHAHAHA

Fortunately, since NWHU wasn't an actual client, both Tyma and Lopo were able to get both reviews removed from the Googs but this swipe at their businesses made me even more furious than I thought possible.

I had a lot of revenge fantasies, you guys.

I am not going to write them down here, in case something happens to her at some point, I watch a lot of crime shows, but watch the video from my last post again and use your imagination.

Still. We was determined to keep a lid on our righteous fury until this happened:

The contractors were gone. The pool was filled. The landscaping was adorable. And we were fatly floating around with our beaver.

Once the work was completed, we heard nothing from NWHU for about 2 weeks. I wondered if, now that the work was done and we weren't having wild pool parties every night and the pool equipment wasn't loud, NWHU would say to herself "Oh, what a silly goose I have been. This IS fine." and leave us the fuck alone.

That dream died the night of August 14, 2023.

It was a Monday evening and it was a heat wave. We had invited our nice neighbours Cach (I take care of her chickens every summer!), her husband Scch and Scch's mom Noch (who's in her 80s and has dementia) over for a swim and a BBQ. They came over around 5pm and literally 5 minutes after they arrived, NWHU decided it was time to ruin the party.

She turned the boom box on so loud that the Bollywood music issuing from it was distorted.

Then she got her ladder and climbed up into her plum tree to harvest some plums, making sure most of her upper body was over the fence into our yard.

We and our guests all tried to carry on a conversation but we basically all had this look:

except for Noch, who's also pretty deaf, so she just savoured her red wine and enjoyed the vibes.

Once she'd gotten all her plums, NWHU started mowing her yard. Not the whole yard - just the part near our shared fence. This was extra hilarious, because I happened to know that her son had already mowed the lawn the day before.

Once she was done mowing, NWHU went inside, but left the radio on, now blaring a talk radio segment.

We all got out of the pool and the neighbours went home to change and grab their BBQ fixings. When they came back, the radio was still blaring. At this point, it had been two hours. So we did what white people do best:

We called the police.

(The non-emergency line, obviously.)

We had already had a convo with Central Saanich PD earlier in the summer, just to find out what recourse we had if NWHU escalated, so we already had a handy case number. And the great thing about living in a rural area is that the police actually show up pretty fast for a noise complaint.

I went out to meet the cruiser and was momentarily struck dumb by the emergence of Constable Nick, who looked like he was straight out of a Hallmark romance. Imagine this guy in a patrol uniform.

As soon as Constable Nick got out of the car, he was like "Whoa. That's loud."

I brought him around the back and introduced him to Katr and the neighbours. He took a look around the table at our middle-aged asses and tipsy, sweet, 80 year old Noch and said drily, "This looks like a rager."

We gave him the background on NWHU. Her truck was still in the driveway, so I told him I ASSUMED she was home (although her son's car was gone, so it was possible she was out). He said "Be right back."

Constable Nick went next door. He rang the bell and knocked. Nothing.

He went around to the back. NWHU has stairs that lead from the ground up to her second floor balcony, so he went up there and knocked on the back door. Nothing.

And then...Constable Nick turned off the boom box.

I will not lie to you. It was one of the greatest moments of my adult life. 

A few minutes later, Constable Nick came back. He told us that he'd left a note on NWHUs' door, explaining what had happened (so she wouldn't think we'd been on her property) and told her to call him if she had any questions. He also gave us his card and said that if she starts it up again, he was on duty until 3am. Swoon.

Relieved and elated, we proceeded to enjoy the rest of the evening and just before our nice neighbours left, Katr got a call from Constable Nick.

He said that NWHU had called him and said [insert innocent high-pitched British voice] "Oh my stars, I was just out doing some yard work, listening to my favourite music, and then I had to go buy some camping supplies and silly me, I must have left the radio on!"

He said to her "Well, of course it's totally fine to listen to music while you're doing yard work. But if you are regularly playing your music extra loud in order to harass your neighbours...that's called "mischief". And you can be arrested."

Apparently she got real quiet and said "Well, that's not what's happening," and he said "Great! Have a good night."

And that, folks, was the last we heard from NWHU.

Thank you for going on this journey with me, everyone. Stay tuned for a brief epilogue to this story next time on "stories from last year that I'm just getting around to blogging now."

One more 50x50 Update

French podcasts listened to: 30

French articles read: 28

Episodes of French TV watched: 42

French lessons: 40

Blog posts: 13 hahaha definitely should have done a Part 4, this one should count as 2 posts, right?

Blog posts: 14

Creampuff's Neighbour Who Hates Us Part II

Part 1 of the neighbour who hates us

I remember the afternoon when the music started. It was Sunday, April 2nd, at around 4pm. Katr and I were in our dining room, playing a game of Wingspan, when we started to hear loud shitty death metal blasting from what seemed to be NWHU's house. It was a pleasant day and the windows were open. The music was so loud I could Shazam it from inside the house, but I wouldn’t, because it was so shitty.

I poked my head out the back door to see what was going on. Up on NWHU‘s balcony, she had a little boombox set up with the speakers pressed up against the balcony railing, pointed directly at our house.

I wrote down the time the music started, closed the window so we wouldn’t have to hear it and went back to playing. But I was shaking with fury. She tried to Noriega us in our own house! Also, it’s not like we are the only people who can hear this music. Literally everybody else in the neighbourhood was being blasted by death metal on a Sunday afternoon. For, as it turned out, three full hours. 

The tarps were one thing. This music blasting is really next level. Who does that? It was bananas. But when she didn't do it again for the rest of the month, I figured she had gotten it out of her system.

Speaking of the tarps: it turns out that anger tarps take a lot of maintenance. It was springtime on Vancouver Island and it was windy and rainy. At least once a week, she and her son had to be out in the yard, adjusting the tarps, trying to keep them from falling down or breaking the branches on the various trees she's tied the tarps to, so I was not surprised when, at the end of April, she gave up and removed them. 

I hoped she had taken them down because she was over it. But then I remembered that every spring, NWHU leaves for an entire month. I don’t know where she goes, maybe home to hell. But from the end of April to the end of May, we had a golden time. 

But as we all know, nothing gold can stay. Back to some boring details about the pool.

It turns out that the bylaws say that the WATER part of the pool has to be a minimum distance from the fence line but your pool decking can be right up against the fence. Guess where ours ended up? HA ha!

The proximity of the decking to the fence was a bit of a surprise to us too, but I think we wouldn't have worried about it if NWHU wasn't already SO FURIOUS about the pool.

I remember saying to Katr that when NWHU returned and saw the progress that had been made, she would completely lose her mind.

I...was correct.

(To be fair to NWHU, the way the pool deck was positioned along the fence, if you stand on the front edge of the pool deck, the fence is only waist high. If you wanted, you could stand on that corner and peer into her yard. This is the area we had promised to cover with privacy greenery, but I imagine that might have been hard to envision in the moment.)

Probably my favourite incident during this period was one evening when I was in the kitchen, looked out the window and saw NWHU on a ladder slowly lowering an extended measuring tape over the fence into our yard.

I opened the window and yelled "NWHU, DO YOU WANT TO JUST COME OVER TO MEASURE?" and she called back "No, this is fine!" HAHAHAHAHAHA

The next day, she took a bunch of photos over the fence and our masons called her a Karen.

Armed with her measurements and photos, NWHU called her city councillor. She called the mayor. She called the local building inspector and his boss and his boss's boss.

We received a notice from the chief inspector of the city that we were going to have to have an inspection from the city's chief bylaw officer to make sure that everything was aligned with all the permits we'd received and all the bylaws.

This was obviously stressful for a lot of reasons; shit had PROGRESSED, so now there was no way to move the pool if it turned out the fence line was not the property line (although short of getting a survey done, which she would have to pay for and we knew she wouldn't, because she's cheap, there was no way to 100% disprove that the fence line wasn't the property line and also, they built the fence around this big tree that's in both our yards, which seems like a weird thing to do if that's not the property line BUT I DIGRESS).

She also accused us of raising the grade of our yard higher than the bylaw limit of four feet. Fortunately, this wasn't an issue because we'd dug into the high part of the yard, so the pool deck was just matching the current grade of the yard.

The chief bylaw officer sent our local building inspector out to inspect the pool and report back to her. We knew this guy, because he was the same guy who had already signed off on the previous two inspections. He rolled his eyes as he described the stink that was being made at City Hall by NWHU. Apparently she was well known to them, thanks to her fighting the development that went behind us a couple of years ago. He assured us that short of hiring a lawyer to dispute where the property line was, there was nothing she could do about this pool. Because we had followed all the rules. And because we and our pool contractors are not idiots.

He wished us luck with NWHU. 

(Sidenote: in the middle of all this...Pumbaa went blind! So we were all pretty fucking stressed out.)

Once it became clear that we were not going to bow to her demands and she had no legal recourse because the city was all "this is fine", NWHU returned to her audio terrorism. We started to take videos every time she blasted her boombox at us. Although I have to say, she did switch up the radio stations frequently and I did Shazam a few good songs. 

Then one morning, just after 5:30 AM, which I happen to know is the time NWHU's son leaves for his daily sports team practice, a car alarm went off. It sounded like it was in our yard. It went off for about a minute and then shut off. Then about 15 to 20 minutes later, it went off again.

At this point, I would put nothing past NWHU. I took my phone and busted out the front door in my pyjamas and took a video of her big truck parked as closely as possible to our house with all its lights and alarms going off.

Over the course of that weekend, she set her own car alarm off seven more times, once at midnight, ripping us from sleep and filling me with so much fury, I could not get back to sleep for two hours.

I did a lot of microdosing during this period, just to keep from constantly screaming.

I thought I could do this in two parts but I was wrong, sorry, there will be a third part. Stayed tuned for the thrilling conclusion but also, here is a supercut of some of NWHU's greatest hits.

And for those following along, a 50x50 update:

Books read: 23 

Air fryer uses: 35

No-dessert days: 10 (hahahahahaha)

Vegetarian meals: 49

Meditating but not while in bed: 9

Creampuff's Cautionary ChatGPT Tale

Now that it’s here, I think I feel the same way about AI as most everyone else does. In the macro, I wanted to make our lives easier and not kill us all. In the micro, I want it to make my job easier but not actually take my job.

I'm a late adopter who's married to, and works with, an early adopter. So when ChatGPT first became available and they all said AI was SPECIFICALLY going to decimate people in my line of work (marketing), I decided to really impress Katr and sign up for an OpenAI account. Sort of a combo "Look, I'm trying new things!" and "keep your enemies closer" tactic, because Katr - and robots - respect that.

The first task I prompted ChatGPT to do was to write me a multiple choice trivia question about Formula One driving.

It said "Sure!" and wrote me a multiple choice trivia question about which F1 driver had won the most World Championships. The answer was Lewis Hamilton.

I've heard of Lewis Hamilton so I thought "This seems right." But I knew the people answering this question would FLIP THEIR SHIT if the answer was wrong, so I decided to double check ChatGPT's work.

It turns out that Louis Hamilton has won 7 World Championships! But you know what? So has Michael Schumacher. They're tied. And there was zero mention of it in this trivia question.

So I went back to ChatGPT and said "Hey, can you please modify the question to indicate that in fact there are two people who are tied for most World Championship wins?"

ChatGPT said "Of course!" and then rewrote the exact same question and then in the the answer wrote "It's Louis Hamilton, who by the way is also tied with this other guy."

This is the point where I understood that I probably should not use ChatGPT for anything factual. You know what it's great at? Bad puns and emojis. The emojis!! It throws shit in there that that I did not even know existed! AI has taken my emoji game to the next level. ⛲🏟️🪐

Something else that ChatGPT is very good at is helping with simple tasks, like reformatting documents. So last week, Katr and I were working on a project where we were creating a list of Olympic athletes, along with a few fun facts about them, such as how many Olympic Games they had attended, their most recent notable result, and a personal fact, like they play the trombone.

We were doing this list in a spreadsheet. But when we had to get it translated into French, we had to reformat it from a spreadsheet into Word, because Translation will not work from a spreadsheet.

So rather than ask one of our overtaxed team members to take on this tedious task, Katr asked ChatGPT to do it. 

The desired format was very straightforward:
Name of athlete
Number of games attended
Notable result recent
Fun personal fact

ChatGPT made fast work of this. AI FTW! We did a quick scan of the resulting document to make sure it was formatted correctly and sent it off to Translation.

When the document came back from Translation, I had to spend a lot of time painstakingly editing down the French, because our pithy English "Santiago 2023: Silver in men's team foil" got translated as "Santiago 2023 : il a remporté l'argent à l'épreuve masculine de fleuret par équipes". So it took me a day to get to page 2 of the document.

I was using the English from the spreadsheet and the French from Translation. The next athlete on my spreadsheet was named François. Let’s say his last name was Cotton. Next on the list in the French document was the name François Lamontagne.

This was confusing. But I thought "Hey, there are a lot of moving parts in this project. Maybe this guy changed his name and Katr updated it in this document but not in the original spreadsheet?"

So I continued with François, comparing the French to the English version in the spreadsheet.

EN: First Olympic Games
FR: First Olympic Games.
Check.

EN: Currently ranked fifth in the world
FR: Canadian team’s top scoring player in mixed sabre.
WAIT.

EN: B.A. in Engineering.
FR: Previously competed in figure skating.

WHAT.

THE.

FUCK.

I continued reading down to the next athlete on the list. The name was unfamiliar. I looked back at our spreadsheet. And found the name did not exist there.

Neither did the next 11 names in the Translation document.

With growing horror, I started to grok what had happened.

Somehow, in the midst of reformatting a spreadsheet to a Word doc, ChatGPT had created 11 COMPLETELY FAKE athletes, complete with Games information, competition information and personal facts and, in the process, had DELETED SIX ACTUAL ATHLETES and their information from the list.

Here, for your reading pleasure, are some of the fake athletes ChatGPT created instead of just moving our actual athletes from a spreadsheet to Word:

Gina Daniels
First Olympic games
Represented Canada at 2019 Pan Am Games
Hobbies: photography, reading

Ivan Kojevnikov
First Olympic games
Won Bronze at 2023 European Championships
Studying computer science at UBC

Janet Lin
First Olympic games
Scored the winning goal at 2023 World Cup
Dream job: astronaut

Jesse Holman
First Olympic games
Named MVP at 2023 Nationals
Also plays the piano

Jessica Rodriguez
First Olympic games
Double Silver medallist at 2023 Pan Am Games
Speaks three languages

John Barnes
First Olympic games
Bronze at 2023 World Athletics Championships
Holds national record for javelin throw

Jordan Smith
First Olympic games
Won Gold at 2023 Nationals
Nickname: Jordo

I’ve obviously heard about ChatGPT just making shit up. The most well-known story is probably about that lawyer who got ChatGPT to write a brief and ChatGPT made up a bunch of law cases that didn’t exist. And obviously my experience with trivia question it made me leery of asking it to do any kind of factual research.

But reformatting a spreadsheet into a Word doc doesn't seem like the kind of request that would cause ChatGPT to "freestyle". So I’m sharing this story because it’s both funny and terrifying and because I know some of you out there like to use ChatGPT for these kinds of simple tasks and you assume that it's not going to fuck you. But it WILL.

So I'm taking a stand. We can’t trust the machines. We’re going to have to keep doing our own fucking jobs, guys. And, as our colleague Brhu says when we're trying to figure out if an image looks AI generated: "Check the fingers."

And now, a 50x50 update:
Dips in the pool: 16
French lessons: 25
Books read: 11
Air fryer uses: 12
Pillows touched: 45 (almost there!)

Creampuff Read the Whole Anne of Green Gables Series Out Loud to her Wife

Every now and then, Katr and I like to pretend we live in Regency times, when the only entertainment of a evening was:

• Losing at whist;
  
  
• Listening to someone play the pianoforte and sing in a wispy voice;
  
  
• Bitching about how, after a day of riding on horseback, your quads were too stiff to really get a good squat going over the chamberpot at night; and
  
  
• Reading aloud.

Sometimes we read a new book but more often, one of us will choose one of our old favourites that the other one hasn't read.

So when Katr mentioned that the whole Anne of Green Gables series was super-cheap on Kindle, I suggested we read them aloud, because Katr's only ever read the first book (and, of course, been forced to watch the original Megan Follows mini-series and the second mini-series but not the third one because it's the fucking worst, if you want to write YOUR OWN FUCKING STORY about the First World War, KEVIN SULLIVAN, where at one point Anne rescues an war orphan while DRESSED AS A NUN, just WRITE YOUR OWN THING, don't fucking ruin Anne!!)

Before you ask, I have not watched "Anne with an E".

I hadn't read the series in its entirety for several years, so this was a real treat for me and to Katr's credit, she did not sleep through most of it, although I almost called our marriage when I discovered that she'd given both Anne of Green Gables and Anne of Avonlea only 4 out of 5 stars HOW ARE WE EVEN TOGETHER

Brief thoughts on each book below. Apologies if the book covers look janky wherever you're reading this. For some reason, even though it's 2024, formatting photos in Typepad is even more painful than formatting photos in Word, once again, I PAY FOR THIS BLOGGING PLATFORM.

Anne of Green Gables

You really get why this book was a hit in 1908. Anne is just effer-fucking-vescent. So capable and yet, such a fuck-up. So unintentionally funny. So dramatic and so lovable. So clearly a huge lez. Also, as I approach my crone-hood, I really got into Marilla (not in a sex way, I just appreciated her curmudgeonliness-masking-deep-feelings vibes a lot more). We both cried when Matthew died.

 

 

Anne of Avonlea

We genuinely LOL'd at several of Anne's misadventures in this one (the cow! the blue hall!) and Davy is hilarious. But also, was Anne, like...a LITTLE too into Paul Irving? Was it creepy? Also, his "rock people" shtick always bored the hell out of me, imagine something more interesting PAUL. Also, I remember reading the part where Diana promises Anne she'd never love another girl as much as she loves Anne and then the part where Diana gets engaged to Fred and being like "WHAT"

 

 

Anne of the Island

OMG Anne's last night with dying Ruby Gillis, I could barely get through it. The WEEPING. We also laughed at Mrs. Lynde saying Jane Andrews' engagement ring was so big "it looked like a plaster on Jane's fat paw." Jane's Fat Paw is a great name for my band. I love that Anne gets to have a non-Gilbert romance with hot, boring Roy Gardner but am bummed that her fling wasn't with Philippa Gordon, because she may be flighty but you KNOW Philippa would be a great lay, just, like, so enthusiastic.

 

 

Anne of Windy Poplars

It's real hard to say "Little Elizabeth" out loud a bunch of times. Anne's accidental triumph over the Pringles has always been one of the most satisfying storylines, imo. I also love the part where the aunts get rid of the cat Dusty Miller because they think Rebecca Dew genuinely hates him and Rebecca Dew LOSES HER SHIT AND QUITS

 

 

Anne's House of Dreams

One of my top three Anne books, thanks to the Leslie Moore plotline, which made Katr gasp in surprise at the appropriate times. Always enjoy the endless descriptions of how hot Leslie is, just SO hot but obviously tragic and pissy. Man-hating Miss Cornelia is hilarious. I remembered how pissed I was at Captain Jim for bringing Dick Moore home from Cuba, like, JUST LEAVE HIM THERE JIM. Reading the end of the book where Anne was worried about some "tribe" "overrunning" and ruining the house of dreams when she and Gilbert were going move out was weird, like, was that some kind of anti-immigrant rant? Calm down, Anne!

 

Anne of Ingleside

Not my favourite Anne book but this time, because I am older, I enjoyed the last few chapters where it seems like Anne is starting perimenopause and fucking hates everyone and everything. A few hilarious fat hate moments in here too, man, LM Montgomery really hated the fats. Also, I had forgotten the whole shithead Jenny Penny saga where Di's sleepover at the dirty, gross Penny house is so upsetting that she pretends to be dead so the Pennys will drag her unconscious body back to Ingleside under cover of darkness and dump her on the porch.

 

 

Rainbow Valley (or RainBLOW Valley, as I call it, because it blows)

I think this is the Anne book I have read the least and for good reason - Anne is hardly in it and it's mainly about the minister's poor, scraggly, ditto-eating kids, who are cute and all but whatever, who cares, more Anne please. I did LOL at Mary Vance chasing Rilla through the village with a dried codfish but also, I kind of hate her and also I hate Ellen West, just let your sister get fucking married, you selfish B, OH, Norman Douglas comes back around and then YOU want to break YOUR stupid no-marrying pact after screwing Rosemary over FUCK YOU ELLEN

Obviously things turn out fine but still. FU Ellen.

Also, Mary Vance says the N-word.

 

Rilla of Ingleside

Is "'Yeth,' said Rilla." the best final line of any book ever? Indeed.

Probably my favourite of the Anne books, aside from the original Anne, and it was fun to read it aloud to Katr, who put up with my crying through all the Dog Monday parts. It would have been wild to read this when it came out, just a few years after the war, and be all like "Oh yeah, Black Sunday, that sucked so hard." I laughed, I cried, it was better than cats and speaking of cats OMG BRUCE MEREDITH, that whole kitten-drowning to bring Jem back thing was VERY DISTURBING and everyone was just like "Aw, Bruce, what a beautiful sacrifice." and not "Get this kid to a shrink NOW."

 

And now, a 50x50 update:
Dips in the pool: 3
French lessons: 17
Books read: 8
Hours of knitting: 5
Vegetarian meals: 27 (I'm counting breakfast smoothies, shut up)

Creampuff Recap, Part 6 of 6: The Unpackening

Okay, it's been a few weeks and we all thought this series was over, and it is, mostly. But after the packing and the selling and the buying and the moving, moving, moving, comes the unpacking.

The flatpack TV stand we ordered came without hardware but that didn't stop us from setting up the TV immediately, because priorities.

Work was crazy busy and as you may recall from earlier posts, we had a lot of stuff and a whole new house to put the stuff in and it all felt a little overwhelming.

Plus, we made the horrifying discovery that while our stuff was in storage with the moving company, there was some kind of water incident and several boxes of our things were ruined and moldy.

But it's okay, the moving company totally reimbursed us HAHAHAHAHAHAHA JUST KIDDING THEY BASICALLY SAID FUCK YOU AND YOUR IRREPLACEABLE PERSONAL ITEMS, LIKE THE BOOK YOU GAVE KATR ON YOUR FIRST DATE THAT YOU WROTE A CUTE NOTE IN, IT'S ALL LOST IN TIME LIKE TEARS IN RAIN

I LOVED the actual movers but due to the ruination of our things and no recourse, I do not recommend this moving company. I'm not going to say their name but it rhymes with "Berguson Boving & Borage".

I DO, however, recommend Hour Movers in Victoria, they did all our local moves and were AWESOME.

Anyway. So we had a lot of stuff to unpack and a bunch of moldy garbage. Then Katr found Barb and Alejandra from Victoria Organizers.

Like Debbie and Richard who helped us pack, Barb and Alejandra helped us unpack AND organized a lot of our shit AND took away the recycling and trash. And they made it look so easy.

They started with the kitchen.

And did some of their best work in the "hobby room", where Katr's enormous board game collection lives, if you don't count the 30 or so that are in our office.

The whole time they were here I felt like a hippo watching a couple of hummingbirds creating order out of chaos and I wanted to get in on the action, so I put myself in charge of organizing our giant walk-in closet.

I gathered all of our clothes and shoes and such and piled them on our bed, which turned out to be a genius move because otherwise, we would have been stepping over piles of clothes I would "get to, Jesus, get OFF my JOCK" for days.

I know this clothes pile looks like a lot of clothes and you know what, it IS, way more than I thought either of us have but keep in mind that creampuff clothes are also large and take up a lot of space.

And then, came the worst part of organizing: thinking, planning, bending and doing. Here's my side:

And Katr's side, this closet is HUGE, I actually do little workouts in here.

Did you think it would look sexier than this when it was done? Me too but whatever, I need to lie down.

I'm embarrassed to tell you this, but this took me almost six hours. Barb and Alejandra did most of the rest of the house -- AND THE SHED OUTDOORS -- in the same amount of time. Showboating.

I loved them. And if you live in the Greater Victoria area, you will too.

Now that we were all moved in, we could focus on some other home improvement projects. Here's a sneak peek at the biggest one.

And as a special treat, here is a video that Katr accidentally shot in slow motion of me pretending the Christmas tree box is a wang. It's over a minute long, you can pretty much get it from the first 15 seconds.

A long overdue 50x50 update:
Vegetarian meals: 17
5km walks: 10
Board game plays: 8
French lessons: 7
Blog posts: 7 (pitiful)

Things Creampuff Misses (and Doesn't Miss) About Vancouver

Taking a break from long form content this week because we're live-streaming TED and my brain is full, here are some lists:

Things Creampuff Misses About Vancouver

• Our hilarious, awesome friends
• The neighbourhood characters, especially the twins, Dwayne and Dwight, who borrowed and returned $20 every month
• All fabulous dog walkers who've put up with our crazy shar peis (particularly the good folks at Bronte Pet Services)
• Pizza Pzazz 
• The Skytrain
• Not having to bag your compost
• The Licorice Parlour on Commercial
• Sidewalks
• Our Little Free Library
• Swiss Chalet (apparently it's gone now, probably because we left)
• Trout Lake
• Granville Island Market
• Walkability
• Seeing the mountains every day (they have 'em here, I just see them a lot less often)
• Ogenki Sushi

Things Creampuff Doesn't Miss About Vancouver (or rather, living in *our* place in Vancouver, most of these aren't Vancouver's fault)

• Skunks
• Being part of a strata
• Cleaning human turds off the rock in front of our Little Free Library
• Finding a jug of hydrochloric acid tucked into our cedars
• Driving downtown (that's Katr, as you all know, I drive only with my mind)
• People stealing our geraniums/basil/rosemary, like, just ripping the whole plants out of the planters
• The guy who moved in after our upstairs neighbour Sivo sold her place and his roommates who partied until 3am all the time
• Having to get up at the crack of dawn's ass to take the ferry to Victoria

And now, a select 50x50 update:

• French podcasts listened to: 7
• Vegetarian meals: 6
• Books finished: 4
• New recipes tried: 1
• Pillows touched: still 16, I haven't been to anyone else's house in weeks

Happy Birthday to Katr!

I wrote half of this post last year, on Kate's 50th birthday. It was an epic birthday, we had a big partay and I NEVER FINISHED IT.

In it, though, I was going to make her birthday about me by bragging about a couple of things I did to surprise her, so I'm finishing it now!

Happy birthday again, Katr!

As she mentioned in her groundbreaking guest post two weeks ago, Katr turns 50 today!!!

(again, this was last year, she's 51 this year, which is still cool)

One of the hardest things in the world to do is surprise Katr. There are a few reasons for this:

1. While Katr enjoys little surprises, she is not into BIG surprises. Like, for example, if you told her to expect a quiet evening at home and then threw her a surprise party, she would still love you and appreciate the effort you went to but please don't do that ever again.

2. We work together - from home - in the same room. So it is challenging to have clandestine phone conversations or even email or text conversations because we are both in each other's business constantly. 

3. I am bad at keeping secrets.

The last time I tried to surprise Katr was several years ago when she REALLY wanted a new iPad for Christmas. I told her that I thought it was a bit too pricey and maybe a little unnecessary and she sadly agreed with my practical statements. But OF COURSE I was going to surprise her with the iPad.

So I ordered it online WHEN SHE WAS IN THE SHOWER, so she wouldn't see what I was doing. I diverted all email from Apple to a folder in my email that I didn't open if she was in the room. I was so stealth about this thing that I thought about adding "stealth" to my list of skillz on LinkedIn.

As the delivery date approached, we were getting a lot of other Christmas present-style packages in the mail, so I was confident I could hide the iPad in the shuffle of other boxes from other places. And when the UPS truck pulled up and Katr came to the door with me because she was ALSO expecting a package from UPS, I wasn't concerned. 

The UPS guy came to the door with two boxes and saw us both waiting there. 

"I've got packages for Roro and for Katr," he said, "who should I start with?"

"Me! Roro!" I said, matching his jocular tone.

"Okay, Roro!" he said "LET'S START WITH THE IPAD."

Why???? Why would he DO that? Katr's face filled with delight which then quickly turned to concern as I had a FULL AND VERY REAL MELTDOWN at having my carefully planned surprise ruined by UPS.

I'm still angry about it.

For Katr's 50th,  I took her 50 year old Snoopy plush toy to a local bear hospital to be refurbished, a gift she CLAIMED was a huge surprise but which she actually inspired by saying "I should get Snoopy fixed!" a few months earlier. I wanted to do something totally unexpected. So when she mentioned that she wanted to have a guy come and do a video trivia night at her party, I thought it would be fun to sneak in a couple of trivia questions from...people she loves from the internet.

Katr loves board games and she is a huge fan grrrrl of board game walk-through duo, Anthony and Frances of Ant Lab Games. I am also a huge fan of them, ever since the infamous Anachrony incident of 2017 - it was their 3 hour walk-through that made the game possible. I messaged them on Facebook and asked if they would record themselves doing a trivia question. They could NOT have been nicer or more enthusiastic about it and this is what they sent:

Katr is also a huge fan of musician Christine Parker, partly thanks to her sweet music video Where You Are. She got my family hooked on Christine's music as well - and Christine had a Facebook page. You can guess what happened next:

Brian from Vancouver Trivia Party was SUPER into making this surprise happen and sneaked the questions into his trivia set. And when they came up on the screen, KATR WAS SURPRISED!!!!! And also pretty moved, as a fangrrrl should be. She is adorable. Also, she knew the answers to the trivia questions, which gave her a leg up in the game. HA ha!

Anyway, thanks, a year later, to Anthony and Frances and Christine Parker, for taking the time to make my 50th birthday surprise dreams come true. You are good, kind people. And happy 51st birthday, Katr!!! I am so happy you were born!!

 

Manic Creampuff Monday

We tried to upgrade our internet today and that's not something you should ever do while Mercury is in retrograde or really any time.

After Katr spent a full day troubleshooting, the internet is back and we are down a couple of pot brownies.

I was out running errands this afternoon and thought that, for what I knew would be a very short post today, I would take a photo of a cute restaurant name I'd never seen before on Commercial Drive and then on the way home I remembered another errand, crossed the street, missed the restaurant and then, by the time I remembered, it was raining and I was like "fuck it!"

The name of the restaurant is Ugly Dumpling and that's just adorable. It also looks delicious. Good thing it's closed this week or you would have seen two slightly stoned creampuffs on the news, having eaten all the dumplings and trashed the place looking for more.

Creampuff Scoff

Since I shared this post about wanting a decent cardigan on Facebook last week, I've been getting a lot of targeted ads for cardigans, including this one, from LL Bean. I liked the look of it, so I clicked on it, thinking "I didn't know LL Bean had plus sizes!"

Well, THEY DON'T.

Fuck off, LL Bean.

Creampuff Taunted by Chicken Restaurant

Growing up in Alberta, we didn't have Swiss Chalet. So when I moved to Ontario for university and everyone in my dorm flipped their shit over the Festive Special, I was like Ben Wyatt in Parks and Rec not understanding why everyone was so into Li'l Sebastian.  Like, guys...it's chicken. And some not great stuffing. Calm your tits.

Of course, after several more years of living in the land of the Swiss, I had become as indoctrinated as everyone else. Katr, coming from Texas, had also become a Swiss Chalet convert and when we moved to Vancouver, one of the biggest disappointments was being outside the delivery zone for both the Trutch St. AND Lougheed Hwy Swiss Chalets. A Swiss Chalet dead zone, if you will. We had to DRIVE to get Swiss Chalet GAWD TOTAL NIGHTMARE.

So when we bought our place in 2010, people laughed when we said we chose the location because it was within Swiss Chalet's delivery zone and we laughed too, but with our mouths full of chicken.

It's pretty rare that a month will go by without a visit from the dirty bird. Even if the salads are occasionally paltry or the fries aren't always as crispy as you'd like, we remain loyal customers. The delivery folks know to stay back from the door so I can slip out and pay them without the dog flying at their junk. We all have our little rituals around our meals, like how Kate always shakes the salad like maracas while I make a weird poutine out of my chicken, fries and that sweet, sweet Chalet sauce. Plus, this time of year, cranberry sauce!

A few days after Thanksgiving, I opened my Swiss Chalet app to order and ... I couldn't. It said the restaurant was "closed". "Huh," I thought, "Well, I guess the restaurant is closed today."

About a week later, we went to order again and same deal. This time, though, I got worried. The Trutch St. location actually fuckin' closed a couple of years ago - what if our beloved Lougheed location was gone too?? UNTHINKABLE. 

Katr went online and got the goods from other panicky Swiss Chalet fans - the restaurant was closed for renovations but was supposed to open up at the beginning of November.

"Whew," we said to each other, our heart rates returning to normal, "just in time for Festive Special season!"

Well, Festive Special season began and still, the restaurant was closed. Katr finally broke down and tweeted them; apparently now we won't be able to get our mitts on the Festive Special until "mid- to late November". NOOOOOOOOO!!

Even though our local Swiss Chalet is closed, I still get a lot of promotional email from Swiss Chalet, reminding me about the Festive Special. But I was prepared to be chill about missing out on a few weeks of precious Festive Special time because there literally could not be a more first world problem than this. And then today:

Our only local Swiss Chalet has been closed for renovations for OVER A MONTH. Every day without a Festive Special is like a knife to the heart. And today, I get this in my email. In the words of the great @jannarden, @SwissChaletCA - this feels A LITTLE INSENSITIVE. pic.twitter.com/Uy6RhhsDhS

— Rosemary Rowe (@rosemaryrowe) November 13, 2019