Every now and then, Katr and I like to pretend we live in Regency times, when the only entertainment of a evening was:
- Losing at whist;
- Listening to someone play the pianoforte and sing in a wispy voice;
- Bitching about how, after a day of riding on horseback, your quads were too stiff to really get a good squat going over the chamberpot at night; and
- Reading aloud.
Sometimes we read a new book but more often, one of us will choose one of our old favourites that the other one hasn't read.
So when Katr mentioned that the whole Anne of Green Gables series was super-cheap on Kindle, I suggested we read them aloud, because Katr's only ever read the first book (and, of course, been forced to watch the original Megan Follows mini-series and the second mini-series but not the third one because it's the fucking worst, if you want to write YOUR OWN FUCKING STORY about the First World War, KEVIN SULLIVAN, where at one point Anne rescues an war orphan while DRESSED AS A NUN, just WRITE YOUR OWN THING, don't fucking ruin Anne!!)
Before you ask, I have not watched "Anne with an E".
I hadn't read the series in its entirety for several years, so this was a real treat for me and to Katr's credit, she did not sleep through most of it, although I almost called our marriage when I discovered that she'd given both Anne of Green Gables and Anne of Avonlea only 4 out of 5 stars HOW ARE WE EVEN TOGETHER
Brief thoughts on each book below. Apologies if the book covers look janky wherever you're reading this. For some reason, even though it's 2024, formatting photos in Typepad is even more painful than formatting photos in Word, once again, I PAY FOR THIS BLOGGING PLATFORM.
You really get why this book was a hit in 1908. Anne is just effer-fucking-vescent. So capable and yet, such a fuck-up. So unintentionally funny. So dramatic and so lovable. So clearly a huge lez. Also, as I approach my crone-hood, I really got into Marilla (not in a sex way, I just appreciated her curmudgeonliness-masking-deep-feelings vibes a lot more). We both cried when Matthew died.
Anne of Avonlea
We genuinely LOL'd at several of Anne's misadventures in this one (the cow! the blue hall!) and Davy is hilarious. But also, was Anne, like...a LITTLE too into Paul Irving? Was it creepy? Also, his "rock people" shtick always bored the hell out of me, imagine something more interesting PAUL. Also, I remember reading the part where Diana promises Anne she'd never love another girl as much as she loves Anne and then the part where Diana gets engaged to Fred and being like "WHAT"
Anne of the Island
OMG Anne's last night with dying Ruby Gillis, I could barely get through it. The WEEPING. We also laughed at Mrs. Lynde saying Jane Andrews' engagement ring was so big "it looked like a plaster on Jane's fat paw." Jane's Fat Paw is a great name for my band. I love that Anne gets to have a non-Gilbert romance with hot, boring Roy Gardner but am bummed that her fling wasn't with Philippa Gordon, because she may be flighty but you KNOW Philippa would be a great lay, just, like, so enthusiastic.
Anne of Windy Poplars
It's real hard to say "Little Elizabeth" out loud a bunch of times. Anne's accidental triumph over the Pringles has always been one of the most satisfying storylines, imo. I also love the part where the aunts get rid of the cat Dusty Miller because they think Rebecca Dew genuinely hates him and Rebecca Dew LOSES HER SHIT AND QUITS
Anne's House of Dreams
One of my top three Anne books, thanks to the Leslie Moore plotline, which made Katr gasp in surprise at the appropriate times. Always enjoy the endless descriptions of how hot Leslie is, just SO hot but obviously tragic and pissy. Man-hating Miss Cornelia is hilarious. I remembered how pissed I was at Captain Jim for bringing Dick Moore home from Cuba, like, JUST LEAVE HIM THERE JIM. Reading the end of the book where Anne was worried about some "tribe" "overrunning" and ruining the house of dreams when she and Gilbert were going move out was weird, like, was that some kind of anti-immigrant rant? Calm down, Anne!
Not my favourite Anne book but this time, because I am older, I enjoyed the last few chapters where it seems like Anne is starting perimenopause and fucking hates everyone and everything. A few hilarious fat hate moments in here too, man, LM Montgomery really hated the fats. Also, I had forgotten the whole shithead Jenny Penny saga where Di's sleepover at the dirty, gross Penny house is so upsetting that she pretends to be dead so the Pennys will drag her unconscious body back to Ingleside under cover of darkness and dump her on the porch.
Rainbow Valley (or RainBLOW Valley, as I call it, because it blows)
I think this is the Anne book I have read the least and for good reason - Anne is hardly in it and it's mainly about the minister's poor, scraggly, ditto-eating kids, who are cute and all but whatever, who cares, more Anne please. I did LOL at Mary Vance chasing Rilla through the village with a dried codfish but also, I kind of hate her and also I hate Ellen West, just let your sister get fucking married, you selfish B, OH, Norman Douglas comes back around and then YOU want to break YOUR stupid no-marrying pact after screwing Rosemary over FUCK YOU ELLEN
Obviously things turn out fine but still. FU Ellen.
Also, Mary Vance says the N-word.
Rilla of Ingleside
Is "'Yeth,' said Rilla." the best final line of any book ever? Indeed.
Probably my favourite of the Anne books, aside from the original Anne, and it was fun to read it aloud to Katr, who put up with my crying through all the Dog Monday parts. It would have been wild to read this when it came out, just a few years after the war, and be all like "Oh yeah, Black Sunday, that sucked so hard." I laughed, I cried, it was better than cats and speaking of cats OMG BRUCE MEREDITH, that whole kitten-drowning to bring Jem back thing was VERY DISTURBING and everyone was just like "Aw, Bruce, what a beautiful sacrifice." and not "Get this kid to a shrink NOW."
And now, a 50x50 update:
Dips in the pool: 3
French lessons: 17
Books read: 8
Hours of knitting: 5
Vegetarian meals: 27 (I'm counting breakfast smoothies, shut up)
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