My name is on a lot of random lists and somehow, last year, I was asked to be a reader in an American lesbian play and screenwriting contest. I said yes, because I really enjoy reading other playwrights' work, plus I only had to read, like, 10 pieces.
A few of them were really excellent but some of them were so egregious that it felt like a waste of time to actually use the rating sheet the contest organizers provided. I said to my BFF Padu that, for those scripts, I wished I could just submit a photo of my face while I was reading them.
Anyhoo.
This year, I made it a mission to find a great cardigan. The kind you can wear outside of your house without being embarrassed. The kind with buttons, so you can button it. The kind that hangs nicely, so that it looks like you and Sponge Bob don't have the same physique. Maybe something with a nice cable pattern.
I know what you're thinking: Roro, why not knit yourself a cardigan?? Well, the answer is that this year so far, all I've knit is about half a cowl, so the chances of me finishing a cardigan for myself before the Earth is swallowed by the Sun is fairly slim.
The only fat girl store chains in Canada, Addition-Elle and Penningtons, are owned by the same company and both of them have closed their Vancouver stores, so if I want to try on fat girl clothes in person, I have to make Katr drive me to the suburbs. Obviously, fuck that shit, so I do most of my shopping online these days because these stores, for all their many other faults, make returns extremely easy.
Starting in the summer, I've been trolling the website, hoping that the perfect cardigan will magically appear. They refresh their inventory fairly frequently, and if you want something in a larger size, you gotta move fast, like a fat shark. So probably every couple of days, I'm scrolling through "new arrivals" and I'm spending a lot of time looking at the models.
It might just be that I'm spending too much time looking at clothes online but I am starting to wonder if the models reviewing the clothes...WITH THEIR FACES. Observe:
This is cute and lesbian friendly!
RUN
So comfy and cozy!
FUCK THIS JACKET AND THE HAT ALSO
Fun and flirty!
THIS OUTFIT GAVE ME CRAMPS
In doing research for this incisive piece of citizen journalism, I did come across kind of a cute cardigan I hadn't seen on the site before. I clicked through and saw that they don't have it in my size and the model clearly knew, as she is clearly saying:
BACK OFF, BITCH, THIS CARDIGAN IS MINE. And maybe I didn't hate this hat so much after all.
