As of today, Katr and I have been married for 12 years.
Twelve years, motherfuckers!
So many people (no one) have asked us how we do it; how we live together, work together, write screenplays together and then sit on the couch holding hands and watching terrible Christmas movies together without straight up killing each other.
Well, folks, it's time to come clean.
We do have a secret.
It is a secret about the bedroom.
And that secret is:
.
.
.
.
.
Separate. Blankets.
The Scandinavians know what's up; every time some dipshit North American on House Hunters International goes into a master bedroom in Finland, there are two separate duvets on the bed. Well, that's how we do it, except our duvet is too hot, so we each have our own sheet and blanket.
No fighting over covers - no one sneaking their cold ass feet onto anyone's leg - no disturbing the whole bed when you get up to go to the ladies' shitter in the night. Magical.
Some couple asked me, concerned, if sleeping under separate sheets led to less "doing it" and all I will say is that if you can't figure out how to slide a hand under your wife's sheet, you've got bigger problems.
Anyway, apparently the traditional 12th wedding anniversary gift is linen, which, as it turns out, couldn't be more perfect for this year's celebration of our ongoing lurve.
Many moons ago, before we met, Katr fell in love with these cotton sheets in marbled colours from a place called Kama Design in Guelph. I also found them delightful and even after we moved to Vancouver, we still ordered our sheets from there. But Kama closed several years ago and we've never found their like again. Slowly, over time, we wore out the fitted sheets and pillowcases and now have only a few flat sheets left from those glory days.
A couple of weeks ago, I was angrily walking down Broadway in Kits, pissed that the Starbucks on my Google map had become a JJ Bean. As I stomped fatly along the street, I passed by a random store window and stopped dead.
OMFG THERE WERE OUR SHEETS!!!!!
Technically, just that orange pillowcase, but I had a good feeling, as I peered into the closed shop like a psycho. This was it. We'd found them. Or rather, THEY HAD FOUND US.
Once they were open for the day, I went back and discovered that the store, Bed, was actually descended from Kama and that it's the same product. Say a prayer for the poor saleswoman who had to listen to the gripping tale of how I found their store that day and how bad we've missed the sheets, but not too long a prayer, because the sheets aren't free (though the pillowcases were) and I gleefully ordered two sets.
They arrived just in time for our anniversary. And they're very reminiscent of our wedding colours! Because the times have changed but our love of bright colours most definitely has not.
Happy Anniversary, Katr. You are my favourite human and I am extraordinarily lucky to call you mine.
I look forward sliding my hand under these sheets later.
