I started this blog 13 years ago and in all that time, Katr has never written a guest post. But today she did, motherfuckers!! I'm glad she is here to raise the tone on the eve of her 50th birthday. I love you, Katr! I look forward to being crones with you.
I don't understand how I can be turning 50 years old in a couple of weeks. Seriously. I feel like I am 17 or 23 or maybe 35. Mentally, anyway. Physically, some days I feel like I'm 101. Is that a liver spot on my hand? Where did that weird blister on my elbow come from? Though I will not subject you to my delightful peri-menopause odyssey. Perhaps for next year's guest post. [ed. I WILL HOLD YOU TO THAT]
This aging thing really hit home for me today when I was starting a new writing assignment. I already use a 27" monitor. But when I opened Word, I increased the magnification to 200% and used my "typing font" of 12 pt Cambria (vs my printing font of 11 pt Arial).
Jesus. I feel like Scotty.
My friend DaPo and I joke about being Grandpa Simpson and set in our curmudgeonly ways. "Kids! Get off my lawn!"
I also got "progressive lenses" for the first time this year. Three different lens strengths rolled into one pair of glasses: close up (for my pills), mid-range (for my giant computer screen) and distance (for driving - miraculously, they still let me drive - though I have to renew my driver's license before my birthday, so maybe they won't - lol - omg). I kind of hate them because it feels like I don't see anything very well now.
The nice Australian who adjusted them after I got my new prescription said it might take a few weeks to get used to it. My father-in-law said it took him a year. I'm somewhere in between those two and holding out hope. Though I still have to take them off for ultra tiny type. Especially when it is dark blue on silver. Who puts micro dark blue type on silver paper? I'm looking at you NutraSea Omega-3.
I've started gravitating towards media that depicts older women in a positive light. I insisted we watch Book Club. It was not the greatest movie, but it was comforting to see those four fantastic women on screen. And it made me grateful that I do not have children as annoying as Diane Keaton's in that movie. Fuck. I don't think I ever treat my mother like that. Mom, I apologize if I do.
And of course Grace and Frankie is a favourite as well. While I still have a good 20 years before I hit their ages, I find their exploits inspiring - particularly how they became entrepreneurs at 70. In real life, I am definitely an uptight Grace, though I'm hoping to age into a free-wheeling Frankie. We need more role models of successful older women. More stories about mid-life. Stories that aren't tragic or marginalizing.
I was recently delighted by an interview with Ann Dowd of The Handmaid's Tale fame.
I got through the shift, and I went home on my porch, and I wept and screamed into the night, "When?! When is my turn?" And it was one of those dark nights of the soul—we're all familiar, I'm sure. And a voice—I'm not kidding—quiet, probably from the inside, said, "It will all be fine. It will all be all right. You will be in your fifties. You will be 56." And I said, "Oh no! No, no!"—missing the whole point of the voice
Now, I've enjoyed success before hitting 50, which is amazing. But I want to embark on some new projects. At 50. And that is scary. But Ann inspires me.
Side note - It's interesting to watch The Handmaid's Tale knowing that, at my age, I'd be an Aunt and not a Handmaid.
So where does this leave me, a fortnight before 50? Hoping I have a few more decades left. Thankful for being able to take a risk on new projects at this point in my career. But mostly thankful for having such an incredible partner - in business and in life.
Guys, Rosemary sings my praises a lot on this blog. Most, if not all, of it is undeserved [ed. UNTRUE]. So I am thankful for this small chance to sing her praises. But I am not nearly as eloquent as she. So I'll just have to say it like this ...
[ed. Quiet weeping brought on by gifs of the greatest love story on television]
