The traditional anniversary gift for 11 years is steel.
Instead, I gave Katr the new Harry Potter Trivial Pursuit, because we are nerdz. And Katr gave me a new village building and accessory but it's not village time yet, so you'll have to wait and see what the Rosewood Cross Planning Commission apprrrroved for this year.
But in a sense, Katr also gave me steel for our anniversary. NERVES of steel, that is.
Last year, you may recall how Katr saved our house from burning down and my dinner, all in one fell swoop. Last year, you may also recall, was the year we replaced our sad pre-lit tree with a fancy new pre-lit tree.
Something I failed to mention last year is that the new tree is a real piece of shit.
Now, to be fair, only one of the two main problems with the tree is intentional. The tree is a little spindly. It looked a little spindly even in the promo photos, probably because it is VERY difficult to fluff.
I like a full tree and even after extensive fluffing, this one looks a little anemic. I understand that some folks favour this style of tree, because they don't know any better and they're stupid. Trees should be fluffy. This is on us, for buying an insufficiently full tree.
Now that we're on the second year of this tree, I HAVE to think that the SECOND problem with this tree is a manufacturer's error. The base of the tree SHOULD unfold into an X, so that the weight of the tree is equally distributed over four points. The base of THIS tree unfolds to a couple of tight Vs (heh heh), so the tree isn't as stable.
Last year, it seemed to work okay, but last year, Drtr set up the tree. This year, it was on me to do it and after much consultation with Katr, we determined that the V configuration of the base was the only possible configuration, given where the screws have to go. So we set it up and began the delightful task of decorating it with our extensive ornament collection.
About three quarters of the way through decorating it, I had just finished hanging one of the heavier ornaments when the tree suddenly lurched at me, like Frankenstein's monster covered in glitter. I caught it before it crashed to the ground and then just stood there, holding this motherfucking tree.
I let go. It came at me again.
I nearly lost my shit. It had been a long day, Aunt Flo is in town and I'd spent almost an hour painstakingly locating the perfect spot on the tree for each of our precious ornaments. My chubby little face crumpled.
That's when Katr, whose brain hamster had gotten on the wheel the second she saw the tree move, rolled into action.
First, she got a bag. Then, she filled the bag with books from the bookshelf we'd been clearing off for my village display. Then she got some twine. Then, she told me, in a calm voice, that I would have to take the bag of books and use it as ballast to hold up the tree via the twine.
As Katr supported the listing tree, I lay down and humped around like a seal until I was under the tree enough to put the books in place.
Then, as Katr continued to hold the tree and say encouraging things, I tried to tie the twine around the tree. This manoeuvre was complicated by the fact that my seal humping moves had shifted my lesbian plaid shirt around in such a way that I had one free arm and one short, Tyrannosaurus arm.
After a lot of swearing and fucking around with the book bag, with Katr giving chill and measured suggestions in response to my wild Tyrannosaur flailings, we managed to get the tree to a more balanced place.
Then Swiss Chalet brought us the festive special. And when we woke up this morning, the tree was still up!! WINNING.
Anyway. Katr.
Thank you for being the level head in our moments of domestic crisis.
Thank you for still wanting to be married to me when I do that thing where I repeat what you've said in a slightly different way in order to indicate that I have understood you but it SOUNDS like I'm disagreeing with you when in fact, I am agreeing with you.
Thank you for taking our dog into the vet's office without me yesterday because I get too stressed out.
Thank you for trying to figure out why Chrome keeps crashing on my computer.
Thank you for sharing your genius ideas with me and then not laughing in my face when I share my stupid ideas and also, thank you for laughing at the weird face I made at you while I was scraping off the car window this morning.
You are my favourite human.
