Creampuff Revolution

Creampuff Can See the Floor

Last week, when I cleaned off my desk, I felt so damn pleased with myself that I decided that this weekend, I would tackle our mechanical room/storage room. As the person in charge of the horror that is the mechanical room, it was very empowering to finally Kon Mari the hell out of it, with the kind assistance of Drtr (loading the car, driving me to the recycle centre, taking things surreptitiously to the dumpster across the street under cover of darkness) and Katr (empty box breakdown, random "what's in this old bin?" sorting, key decision making on keep/toss items, all-important "where should we take all this?" research).

Cleaning out the mechanical room has three major benefits:

1. We can finally get to the water heaters at the back of the room where Kong, the magical man who comes every year to flush out our radiant heating system, left his phone number. 
   
   
2. With Shoebox Project for Shelters stuff piling up, it's nice to have a little more room to stash things.
   
   
3. A lot of my Dickens Village stuff is in there (oh, and all of our Christmas decorations but whatever IT'S VILLAGE TIME, MOTHERFUCKERS!)

Like an idiot, I failed to take a "before" photograph, but rest assured it was embarrassing and looked something like this:

 I did manage to take an action shot of the dog, wondering WTF all this crap was doing in the the hallway:

And then, when I was finished, YOU COULD SEE THE FLOOR!!!

Pretty magical.

The most magical thing about this whole process was that Katr discovered just how close the recycling centre is to us! We've been driving way the hell out to recycle all our boxes, not knowing that an even better recycle centre exists a mere 5 minute drive away. They take EVERYTHING we've been "meaning to get rid of" - vacuum cleaners! Lightbulbs! Electronics! Plus the guy there was very helpful. Recycling rules!!

Now that the mechanical room is clean, it's time to start my favourite holiday tradition - THE VILLAGE! I have it on good authority that Rosewood Cross's Development Office has a new addition to the village this year, so get ready.

 

Shar Pei Saturday Strikes Again!

NaBloPoMo Day 19 and you know what that means - it's time for Shar pei Saturday!

Here's a shot of Effie with the wind in her ears and a weirdly graffitied lion behind her. Artsy.

I ran into a fellow on our walk this morning who hadn't seen Effie for about six months. He was impressed that she no longer jumped up on him when he greeted her (although she did try to nuzzle his junk). It occurred to me that it's actually been awhile since Effie tried to jump on someone while we were out on a walk - I've been so pre-occupied with her complete squirrel hysteria that I failed to notice that she's made such great progress in this area. Who's a good dog? Who's a good dog? Who doesn't jump up on strangers on our walks anymore?

Good dog.

Creampuff Has Zero Ideas

Me: What should I blog about today? I don't have any ideas.

Katr: Why don't you blog about not having any ideas?

Something I love about Katr is how generous she is with ideas. "Ideas are infinite," she likes to say as I steal hers, "ideas are for sharing!"

I, on the other hand, am very miserly with my ideas, because I fear that for me and my tiny brain, they are a finite resource. Which is why, for example, when I hear about a show description that sounds in any way similar to something I've done, I get all panicky like the douchecanoe I am, instead of knowing that it's probably fucking fine.

When I finished The Good Bride last year, I didn't have any ideas for what I was going to write next except that OMG, I'M SO BORED OF STORIES ABOUT STRAIGHT PEOPLE, NO OFFENCE, STRAIGHTS, so I figured that whatever I worked on next would be "something gay". And I read lots of books and watched lots of movies and listened to a lot of music and was a homosexual and a year later, I have zero ideas.

I'm collaborating sporadically on a few different things with a few of my favourite people, so it's not like I'm not excited about stuff or that my brain isn't working. I just don't have any NEW ideas.

This wanky navel-gazing came up because Playwrights Theatre Centre here in Vancouver has this program called "The Associates" where you apply with a "big idea" for a play and you get to work on it with them for THREE YEARS OMG SO FUN YES PLEASE.

I applied the first year, in 2010, and wasn't selected. Then I applied in 2013 and got to the "please send more support materials" stage and then didn't get selected.

So this year, I was hoping to at least make it to the interview part of the process before they realized that I'm just not that smart but that I do occasionally stumble into good ideas, the way a bear stumbles into your campsite and gets her head stuck in your peanut butter jar. (That's a thing, right? I don't know, I don't really enjoy camping.)

I was pretty sure that I would have an idea before the deadline. I REALLY wanted to apply for this thing and I've been waiting for THREE YEARS to apply again. But as the deadline got closer and closer, my lack of ideas loomed larger and larger. Like, let's be clear - it's not like I had a bunch of bad ideas and rejected them. I literally could not come up with a single thing.

I wrote my letter of intent. I updated my resume and gathered my support materials. All I needed was an idea.

And then the application was due in just 24 hours.  And I still had NOTHING.

A little crestfallen at my impending failure, I took a moment to reread the submission criteria in the wild hope that it would spark something, ANYTHING OMG COME ON. And that's when I saw that this year, they had changed some of the wording in the application materials. This year, the project in question should "somehow reimagine theatre."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OH OKAY THEN.

I'm sad to say this, but I'm not personally interested in reimagining theatre. I think it's great that other people want to reimagine theatre. You go, Glen Coco. I will buy tickets and marvel at your genius and hope that some of it rubs off on me as I wander barefoot through the bushes, dressed like a possum, watching scenes from your parents marriage performed in the hollowed out trunks of redwoods while the rain licks my face and tells me secrets. But Jesus H. Christ,  I'm just a simple lesbian. I just want to tell cool stories and hear/see cool stories. And if I have to come up with a great idea that ALSO somehow reimagines theatre? Yeah, I'm not going to get that application in on time.

The application was due on Tuesday and I still feel a little pang when I remember that I couldn't get it together. I REALLY wanted in on this. But clearly my mind field needs to lie fallow a little longer. That or I'll never have another idea again. Either way, life is still pretty great and I, as my wonderful friend Glst likes to say, am a very lucky fish.

This corgi knows what I mean.

we've almost made it to the weekend, you've earned this: here's a happy lil doggo playing with balloons pic.twitter.com/F6MfVn0EXu

— megan brown (@thatgirlondeck) November 17, 2016

Creampuffs Celebrate Ninth Wedding Anniversary by Trying to Figure Out How to Embed a Fucking Flickr Slideshow

WELL, THIS TOOK FOREVER. 

I realized, nine years later, that I never posted a slideshow of some of our wedding photos - mainly of the insanely hot guests we had.

So today, in honour of our anniversary, I thought I would get that slideshow going. But I couldn't figure it out, because Flickr fucking sucks now. And then I complained to Katr, who just LOVES to solve my stupid computer problems.

Above is the slideshow that just runs. Below is the album, which you have to click through, but it's fun because you can read the captions.

This was SUPER ANNOYING.

But even after nine years and Flickr fucking sucking, WE ARE STILL MARRIED. I LOVE YOU, KATR!!!!!

Creampuff Knows What You're Getting in Your Stocking This Year

I saw this video ad in my Facebook feed today and was mesmerized. It's for a product called the "Self Stirring Mug". You can tell by how it has the words "Self Stirring Mug" written on the side.

In case you were wondering who this product is for, here is the best infomercial I have EVER SEEN:  

I was down with this idea at first - not ONLY because I'm lazy but because it drives me nuts when people leave coffee'd up spoons on the counter (lick them and put them in the dishwasher, people, JESUS CHRIST). But then I discovered that the mug is battery powered.  WHAT UGH FUCK THAT THEN

I am too lazy to change the batteries in my mug, is what I'm sayin. But if you want one, far be it for me to deny you. They are on sale here (not an affiliate link - I just figured the least I could do was link back to the deal after stealing their video. I'm not an animal.)

 

Creampuff Just Can't Quit Those Duggars

Back in the summer of 2015, when the Duggars went through their two-pronged scandal (Josh molested his sisters! Josh is an adulterer!), I felt two things:

1. Sad for Josh's sisters, whose stories were essentially told without their consent/sad for Josh's wife Anna, who was brainwashed by their culture into thinking that marrying Josh was a super great idea and who I knew would NEVER leave him because she would be shunned by her community and also she has four kids and no way to earn a living by herself.
   
   
2. Selfishly pleased that the scandal raised awareness around the Quiverfull culture, upon which my play The Good Bride is based, juuuuust before the play's premiere. 

As a side note, I was excited for the US to elect Hillary because of how she thinks women should have rights and stuff and I remember thinking that before long, the crazy patriarchal culture that spawned The Good Bride might start to be dismantled in a real way but HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHHAHAHA MIKE PENCE THINKS GAYS CAN BE CURED AND WOMEN SHOULD HAVE NO REPRODUCTIVE RIGHTS and since he'll essentially be running the country now, my play is more relevant than ever! Silver lining, motherfuckers!

Anyway, back to the Duggars. Like many people, I assumed that in the wake of the scandal, the Duggars would disappear for awhile - like, maybe a year or two - and then re-emerge, perhaps with a book about how these trials really strengthened their walk with Christ. But those people at TLC are geniuses.

In December, they did a three part mini-series, focusing on the older kids and Anna (which was basically them crying about how Josh screwed the whole family out of their sweet TLC deal). Josh did not appear in the special and, if memory serves, the Duggar parents Jim Bob and Michelle made minimal appearances, mainly in the background. And THEN, in March of 2016, TLC started a new series called "Counting On" which basically follows the older, newlywed and childbearing Duggars and, for the first few episodes, Anna. Of course, once Josh got home from Christian sex rehab, Anna basically disappeared. 

In the first "season" of Counting On, pretty much fuck-all happened - quivers were filled, we learned that Ben likes Christian rap, we were sad that the eldest Duggar girl, Jana, still don't have no man. AND I STILL WATCHED IT, YOU GUYS. Why?? Why can't I look away from these wholesome, kinda dumb, corn-fed Christians who are basically using their show as an enticing advertisement for the faith???

Anyway, all this to say that I'm still watching it and the second "season" wrapped up tonight with Jinger's wedding to Jesus-loving former soccer player Jeremy after only being together for 5 months and THEN, they revealed that another Duggar is courting - and it's JOY.

JOY IS COURTING.

I still think of Joy as a 12 year old tomboy, sandwiched between 8 brothers, who was introduced back in the ol'  pre-Josh-and-his-ruins-everything-penis 19 Kids and Counting days, so when I heard she was courting, I nearly flipped my shit. Even in ARKANSAS, 12 year olds can't get legally married, can they? Of course, Joy actually turned 19 recently, so she's four years older than Maranatha. Still though...

Anyway, whatever, you don't care, I'll be spending all day tomorrow on Free Jinger.

 

Creampuff Hopes to See You at the Shoebox Project Drop-Off Event!

Tomorrow, the Shoebox Project YVR is having its first ever Drop-Off Event in downtown Vancouver! Wooooo!

You can find all the details in the Shoebox Project YVR Drop-Off Event Facebook invite but here's the most important info in handy banner form.

It's so lovely of the Fairmont Hotel Vancouver to provide us with a room for the event! We've never done this before but I think it's going to be a super fun day, plus an excellent opportunity to work on my less than stellar wrapping skillz. Hope to see some of you Vancouver folks there!

Creampuff Makes Some Space

Every Friday since probably July, Katr looks wistfully around the office, assiduously avoids eyeing my own very cluttered desk, and says:

"Maybe we'll do some filing this weekend."

And I nod and say:

"Maybe."

What I don't add is "And maybe elves will do it because I will be knitting, mainlining Chicago Style popcorn and watching Gilmore Girls."

But today I woke up and realized that I had reached my desk clutter limit.  EVERYTHING IS SO FUCKED UP right now and the last thing one needs is to feel furious about clutter. There are SO MANY OTHER THINGS to feel fucking furious about AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA (quiet weeping and refusing to link to anything).

Anyway, so I decided that nothing would make me feel like more of an in-control rock star than cleaning up my desk on a rainy Sunday afternoon. 

Here is the before. Look at this shit. Where even IS my desk? And what the fuck is the point of having art on the window sill if I can't fucking see it???

 

And here is the after! Ahhhhh. So much better.

 

I'm pretty jazzed about this because, as you may have noticed on your calendar, it is drawing near to VILLAGE TIME chez Roro and Katr OMG SO EXCITED FOR MY VILLAGE THIS YEAR YOU GUYS!!! I hear the mayor is a big fat lesbian. And I have a suspicion that the tiny village of Wintersea may be expanding...

 

Creampuff Decides Shar pei Saturday is a Thing

NaBloPoMo Day 12! Time for another Shar Pei Saturday! 

Here is a pic of puppy Effie from last year around this time. Not seen in this photo - the staples on the other side of her face from where another dog (off leash on an on-leash park) bit her on her delicate snout.

I was SO UPSET when she was injured and felt like a huge failure and was totally sure she'd be scared of other dogs forever. HA! She healed right up and still thinks that other dogs are awesome. Of course, not all other dogs respond well to her puppyish enthusiasm, which SHOCKS me. Who could not LOVE THIS FACE???

Creampuff Remembrance

Remembrance Day always reminds me of my super sweet and super smart great aunt, Aunty Al, who carried the last letter her 19 year old brother sent her from the front in her purse for the rest of her life. It was her most precious possession. She loved him so much.

Thank you to all those women and men who served and are still serving.