Since I only wrote 8 measly-ass posts in 2015, I thought I should shoot for at LEAST one per month this year. Thank you to 2016 for gifting me this Leap Day on which to write my lone February post. I hope YOU celebrated Leap Day by doing something you haven't done for at least four years, like throwing out all of your sad "laundry day" underwear or having a Shamrock Shake for lunch.
Since we got Effie Trinket home back in October, I've naturally been thinking a lot about her predecessor, The Princess Emmeline Louise. Emmy Lou was the best first dog a pair of fat lesbians could have. She was very independent and low maintenance and adorable and ridiculous and stubborn and cantakerous. Her quiet contrariness and expert passive resistance were a delight to all. No dog compares 2 her, is what I'm saying. But of course, when you get another dog, comparisons are inevitable - partly because you're finding things they have in common, which are comforting and partly because you're finding out how totally different they are.
I made a chart.
| Emmy Lou | Effie Trinket |
| Named by her foster mom; we loved her name because she was a little bit country and a little bit rock and roll. | Named by us after a character from the Hunger Games. NB: It totally DID NOT OCCUR to us that "Effie" and "Emmy" are basically the same damn name. So her name is now "Emmy I mean Effie". |
| Spent the first 3.5-possibly 6 years of her life in a horrible puppy mill, pumping out puppies for an asshole backyard breeder. | Literally nothing bad has ever happened to her. |
| Signature line: "Please respect my body." | Signature line: "Put your hands on me, Jack." |
| I knew she would never be stolen because she was heavy like an anvil and basically refused to walk with anyone other than me unless we were out of town. | Will basically go anywhere with anyone who seems nice. |
| Never - not even ONCE - slept on our bed. | Slept on our bed last night breathing dried pollock breath out of her big hippo face onto Katr's pillow. |
| Remained completely chill when confronted by yappy or assaholic dogs, causing them to look like fuzzy idiots. | Is kind of a fuzzy idiot around other dogs. |
| Went to the dog park to walk her fatty around the park and avoid other dogs. | Runs immediately towards the biggest dog at the park and jumps on him. |
| Very bossy. | Very bossy. |
| Only ate stuff off the ground if it was "real food", i.e. a chicken bone or a dead fish at the beach. | Will eat anything that comes from trees. Bark, leaves, twigs, pine cones - all delicious. Then, whatever I fail to fish out of her mouth on our walks comes back in the form of puke at 5 a.m. |
| Was deeply committed to her dream of one day getting her mouth on a cat. | Not super sure what cats are or how to react to them. |
| Deeply suspicious of new people, especially if they wanted to touch her. | Says "hello" to newcomers by jumping up and bouncing off their junk. |
| Vet? Niet. | Kisses the vet on the mouth even though he's the same guy who put staples in her face and took her ovaries out. |
| Was surprisingly tolerant of, and gentle with, children, especially those with special needs. | Thinks kids are actually dogs wearing clothes and tries to jump on them. |
| Epic snoring. | Epic snoring. |
We miss Emmy so much. But while Emmy is physically gone, she lives on in our art and in our hearts. And every time Effie steals one of Drtr's socks, I think "Come ON! Emmy never would have done that." And every time Effie snuggles up close and rests her head on my leg, I think "Yeah, Emmy never would have done this either."
SO CUTE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
