So, I turned 40. It was pretty cool. Get ready for my customary birthday bragging, which will happen in two parts, because it was a big deal.
Katr has already proved that she is AWESOME at planning birthday surprises for me, so I knew that when I told her to "surprise me" for my 40th, she would come up with something special. AND I WAS RIGHT.
Firstly, there was the birthday fortnight, where Katr showered me biweekly with delightful gifts of cast iron skillets, books, movies, more shelves for my GINORMOUS TEA COLLECTION:
and adorable action figures:
Then Katr told me to book off the first 3 days of the week of my birthday and wouldn't tell me why. My top operating theories were:
- She would drive me to the middle of nowhere and leave me there with no money or cellphone and I would have to fight my way home and thus truly become a man
- She would take me somewhere to have my eggs harvested and frozen (this would be the ultimate surprise, as we have ZERO plans to ever reproduce)
- She would take me camping. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA just kidding, that would never happen.
I was cooking breakfast on the Monday morning, wondering what the day would bring, wearing the "socially acceptable clothes" Katr advised me to put on, when someone came through our front gate and rang the doorbell.
It was my best-friend-since-we-were-12 Padu. Who lives in Toronto. He was wearing the TARDIS onesie I bought him for Christmas. And he was carrying a box of donuts.
ERMAGERD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Let's break this down. For MONTHS, Katr, whom I live with, and Padu, who I speak with on the phone frequently, were planning this visit unbeknownst to me. Katr set Padu up with plane tickets - Padu took three days off from his busy life to fly here - Padu changed into a TARDIS onesie in a public place and bought a box of donuts to fulfill Katr's fantasy "birthday surprise" entrance. I screamed and clapped like a seal and also there was a little crying. BEST FRIEND EVER. BEST WIFE EVER.
The donuts were very fresh.
Satisfied that she had succeeded in pulling off the ultimate 40th birthday surprise, Katr set Padu and I loose on the city while she nobly went back to work. The weather was kick-ass and it was -30 back in Toronto at the time, so over the course of two days, we enjoyed several hours of outdoor time:
Made a brief independent film:
Stopped for lunch and got the stupidest Caesar salad ever:
Saw Jupiter Ascending in 3D, seriously THE WORST MOVIE:
And had lobster at the Blue Water Cafe with my wonderful wife:
We got very loaded that night.
You know you're of a certain age when the waiter makes the "29th birthday" joke.
Sadly, Padu had to leave on Day 3, but since Katr had planned for me to take the day off, I got to spend the day after my 40th birthday knitting and eating my feelings. WINNING.
I have more birthday bragging to do, but I'll save it for next time. In the meantime, here are some deep thoughts and observations I had about turning 40:
- I have the best wife, best friends and best family ever.
- I am excited to be 40 because it means I'm not dead! A lot of people don't have the luck or privilege to get to this milestone.
- I am sad to be 40 because it means that realistically, I PROBABLY will never be an Olympic athlete, a dream I have spent untold hours not working towards in any way.
- When you tell people you turned 40, their immediate reaction is to tell you that you look waaay younger than 40. It's okay, guys.
- Since I turned 40, I am having a lot more discussions with other ladies about their facial hair.
- I also used to laugh at older people who said stupid shit like "I may be 55 but I still think I'm in my 30s!" but now that I'm 40, I get it. I don't get "kids today" but I still feel like I am one and yet I still hate them.
- I am hopeful that I'll be around long enough for humans to establish a colony on Mars because I am obsessed (I don't want to go, I'm too lazy. I just want other people to go and then I can watch a show about it.)
Next time: my family comes to town to celebrate my birthday in their own inimitable way. Bonus old-y time-y photos!
