I'm embarrassed to admit this, but we moved here in 2006 and have not had a library card until about a month ago.
I KNOW.
Moreover, I still don't know offhand where the nearest Vancouver Public Library branch is...aside from the one on our corner, of course. I think there's one somewhere on Commercial? I don't know, whatever, I never go there.
Katr's been wanting to get a library card for YEARS now, partly because she's into libraries but also because the Vancouver Public Library lends ebooks that we can read on our Kobos. So when the stars aligned and we were going to be running errands near a library with a parking lot, I popped in to get a card.
Katr: But I want to come in and get my own card.
Me: Why? You can just use mine.
Katr (reluctantly): Okay.
Getting a card was super easy and free and as soon as I had it, Katr went online to request a few books. Fun!
A few weeks later, one of Katr's books was in! So, once again while we were out running errands, I popped in to pick up Katr's book while she went in to get her own card.
Since it was my first time picking up a book on hold, I asked the nice lady librarian where I should look for it. She very kindly took me over to the shelf and helped me locate my last name, then whipped the book off the shelf and said "Is this it?"
Katr had failed to mention that the book she had checked out using my card was called THE JET SEX and it looked like this:
Jet Sex.
It kind of reminded me of the time my friend Amy told me I really needed to request a little book I'd never heard of called Tipping the Velvet and when I went to pick it up from the library, the cover looked like this:
Thanks for the T&A, Amy. I blushed all the way home.
Anyway, back to Jet Sex. The library held it out expectantly. And I took it.
Me: Well, that's my name right there isn't it, ha ha. So...I guess that's my book. The Jet Sex. With that sort of spread-eagled stewardess on the cover. Which I totally knew about because I requested it.
Library: Great. Let's get you checked out.
Library technology has evolved now to where I don't even need to talk to the librarian anymore, apparently - using this machine, I could have checked my book out and been on my way. This would have been handy to know if I was checking out a book called The Jet Sex and felt embarrassed about that. Since it was my first time, the library said she'd show me how to use it.
Apparently, the machine was a little finicky and would not read the book. The librarian kept slamming The Jet Sex down on this machine like it was 50 Shades of Gray. "I don't get it," she said, as she really started to work up a sweat giving it rough to my book, "it usually wants you to bang it hard but it's...not....WORKING."
At this point, the quiet male librarian glided over.
Lady Librarian (showing Jet Sex no mercy): Carl, I can't get this to scan.
Carl: Well, you have to be gentle with it. Sliiiide it in. Here, I'll show you.
Carl slid it in. The book beeped and the receipt printed as Lady Librarian and I looked on.
Lady Librarian: I usually have to be quite rough with it.
Carl: Sometimes you need a slow hand.
Me: It likes a lover with an easy touch.
Awkward silence.
Me: Okay then, thanks!
In related news, Katr now has her own library card, which she wanted in the first place. Well played, Katr. Well played. You are now free to request Ultimate Porno - so long as you pick it up yourself.
