Creampuff Revolution

Ding dong - the skunk habitat is gone

As some of you may recall, the abandoned house next door has been the cause of some anxiety, mainly around the skunk and how it lived there.

Since Emmy Lou was pwned by the skunk, we haven't had a problem with it coming into our yard but I would still smell it out and about from time to time. Skunks don't hibernate but they are less active in the winter, so as spring slowly thought about approaching, I started to get a little more anxious about the stank which the warm weather might bring back into our lives.

Until yesterday.

Our neighbourhood is a bit of a construction zone at the moment - they bulldozed an abandoned house just down the alley from us a few weeks ago and last month, the house kitty-corner to ours caught fire and is in the process of being "restored" by "restoration experts" who "smoke pot" on their "lunch hour" near "my dog". 

So when yet another large piece of construction equipment showed up, I didn't really notice - until it started to feel as if a giant was stomping on the abandoned house next door. OMG - was a giant stomping on the house next door?? Or was the development that we heard about from the city last summer finally about to begin??

It turns out it wasn't a giant. I beetled out with the dog and became the weirdo who records 20 minutes of not very interesting footage of the house next door being slowly chewed up by a large, T-Rex-like machine.

Here's the house before it got eaten by a giant orange machine:

And here it is after day of debris clearing:

We work from home and so obviously, the fact that there's going to be a huge amount of construction next door for months and months sucks a lot of wang. But on the other hand FUCK YOU SKUNK!!!!!! YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!

I learned to use iMovie to commemorate this occasion. I hope you enjoy my stellar camera work.

 

Creampuff and the Mystery of the Travelling Pants

As some of you may recall, I started reading a lot of fundamentalist Christian blogs last year and here's the thing - I AM STILL READING THEM. 

I've definitely cut down a little on my fundie reading and now only REALLY enjoy the ones that are basically about:

• Farming for Jesus


• Homeschooling their one million tiny children


• Pretending to be Laura Ingalls Wilder (i.e. romanticizing homesteading, wearing period costume and waiting for a husband).

While I still read these blogs with fascination and horror, I did notice that the sheer industry of these bloggers was starting to rub off on me.

Sure, I wholeheartedly disagree with their politics and lifestyle choices but they also made me want to bake more and maybe do some canning. Maybe it's the survivalist edge to a lot of these blogs that's really attractive - I am a sucker for WTSHTF (When The Shit Hits The Fan) planning.

With my diligent stay-at-home-daughter fundie bloggers in mind, I decided that this year, I too would be a little more diligent with my around the house duties. So as one of my unwritten New Year's Resolutions, I decided that I would step it up a little on my own homestead. Just a little - I still needed lots of time to watch Dexter (just started Season 5!), knit, play Kingdom Rush on my iPad and take my dog on meandering walks.

I decided that:

• I would never go to bed without cleaning the kitchen


• I would do the laundry once a week and fold it the SAME DAY instead of willy nilly doing laundry and then having the unfolded clean laundry pile higher and higher to the point where it toppled over whenever Katr went in there to find socks


• I would empty the dishwasher promptly in the morning (preferably while Katr's coffee was percolating, so that I could feel the thrill of "multi-tasking")


• I would make sure to always add Emmy Lou's "Healthy Mouth" liquid whenever I filled up her water, even though it is kind of a hassle. I reminded myself that adding Healthy Mouth was less of a hassle than paying $2000 for dental surgery, which we did a year and a half ago.


• I would finish any chores (tidying, meal prep, folding etc.) before I got to do any fun things

None of these are in any way earth-shattering, but for a procrastinator like me, "getting things done" instead of "waiting until I was annoyed by things" was a total delight and after nearly three months of this behaviour, I was quite proud of myself and also, if I'm honest, was feeling a little smug about my housekeeping abilities. Until this morning, when I lost a pair of Katr's pants.

I went do a load of jeans this morning (Friday is "Extra Jeans Washing" day, where every two weeks I WASH THE JEANS - I hope you're writing this down) and I couldn't find one pair of Katr's jeans. A statewide FBI manhunt ensued, where I tore the bedroom, laundry area, occasional laundry-drying area and my own brain apart trying to figure out how I'd misplaced a pair of pants in our (in my mind) perfectly kept home.

Clearly, despite all of my extremely superior housekeeping skills, I had FAILED. I was crushed. How did this happen?? Where could they BE?? And why was this happened when I was BEING SO DILIGENT??

I gave up the search because I had to get to work. And so the location of the pants remains a mystery. And guys - I'm trying to just let go and let God on this one. Because I know that's what my fundies would do. Because that's all they ever fucking talk about.

Creampuff's Fuddy Duddyism Rewarded

As some of you may recall, my MIND WAS BLOWN a few years back when the Edmonton Public Library tweeted me about a book called Ultimate Porno. Since then, I like to think I'm hip to the ways of the internet and their ability to comment on experiences I've made public, yet still consider somehow to be private - but sometimes, the magic of the internet still surprises and thrills me.

Behold.

I posted last week about MY AWESOME BIRTHDAY TRIP and how it was awesome. I also briefly mentioned the annoying frat kids in the pool...but only briefly, because the rest of the weekend deserved a lot more attention.

While I devoted very little copy space to the frat kids in my blog post, I spent a lot more time on it in my Trip Advisor review, which I faithfully wrote upon our return. Here is the paragraph in question if you're too lazy to click:

My ONLY complaint had nothing to do with the hotel itself - a huge group of rowdy, heavily drinking fraternity kids from Seattle were at the hotel preparing for a booze cruise (because the drinking age in BC is only 19! Wooo! Chug chug chug! OMG, I'm gonna barf!) and they completely took over the outdoor pool and hot tub for a few hours, making it uncomfortable for the few guests (us, another couple) who were there for a quiet swim and who really really wanted a few minutes in the hot tub. Hotel security came out at one point to tell them no alcohol at the pool, but that just made them sneakier. 

Again, totally not the hotel's fault that their pool was invaded by Girls Gone Wild: Vancouver Edition, but it was still annoying.

I LOVE Trip Advisor - for months before Katr and I go anywhere, we spend untold hours perusing the Trip Advisor reviews for every juicy detail (good or bad) about where we might be headed. Because I appreciate reading good, detailed reviews, I try to write detailed reviews as well - it's my way of giving back.

A couple of days ago, Katr got a voicemail on her cellphone from someone at the Pan Pacific, apologizing for the "Ladies...I tentatively use that term" in the pool on the weekend and asking if Katr would please call her back. Baffled, Katr turned to me. 

Katr: How did they know about that?

Me: Ooooh. Well...probably from my Trip Advisor review.

Katr: But how did they figure out to call ME?

Me: Ooooh. Because our room was great? And I included the room number in the review? So that other travellers might experience the room 1910 glory?

Katr: I see. 

Katr suggested that *I* call the Pan Pacific back, since I was the one who *started it*. And that's how I ended up talking to KaPo at the Pan Pacific, who was HILARIOUS.

I got the full scoop on the frat kids - how, after their booze cruise, they managed to break a glass in the pool, which meant the hotel had to drain the pool. Those asshats ruined swimming for EVERYONE! We commiserated over how, in our day, we wouldn't have been staying at 5-star hotels for our teen drunk fests - we'd just go to our local "swimming hole". I also laughed (she didn't) over the previous Trip Advisor review of the Pan Pacific, which is entitled "I slept in someone else's vomit". Frat kids strike again!

Then she offered Katr and I passes to the Pan Pacific's mostly-weekly Opera Buffet, which sounds divine. Thanks, Pan Pacific! We are always ready for hot opera action.

It's funny - I sometimes feel like I missed out on those carefree days of drunken Spring Break-style buffoonery that seem to be a common element in most people's lives. But then I remember that even as a young person, I was a huge square. And I feel very fortunate to have found a lot of other squares to hang out with. Thanks, fellow squares!  

Creampuff Whisked Away

When I was kid, I used to drive my parents crazy around Christmas. They would ask me what I wanted from Santa and I would say "A surprise!"

Because I was a sly and devious child (no, really...I *thought* I was a real mastermind in several areas, such as "It wasn't me, my brother did it" and "I don't know why there's chocolate all over my face"), my parents naturally assumed that I was testing the veracity of Santa by making sure to only tell the "real" Santa (a.k.a. the Santa at the mall) what I wanted for Christmas. I admit, that would be a sly and devious plan - IF I'D THOUGHT OF IT. The reality is that I did not have a burning need for anything in particular and also, I just really liked to be surprised.

Fast forward to my birthday last week. When Katr asked me what I wanted for my birthday, I said "A surprise!" Fortunately, she took me at face value and didn't have to follow me up to the throne and try to listen in as I whispered my birthday wishes to Santa. So she got to work planning what turned out to be a magical birthday weekend of awesomeness.

I like surprises, but Katr has a hard time keeping secrets, which is why she gave me the iPad DODOcase (embossed with my initials!) she got me for my birthday two weeks early:

But she managed to keep my actual birthday plans a secret until a couple of days before, when she informed me that I needed to cut a cheque to our pal and all-around Gal Friday, Boka.

"Why?" sez I.

"Because she will be watching Emmy Lou this weekend," says Katr.

I instantly strain my neck by whipping my hair back and forth in the manner of Willow Smith.

Then, while I applied a cold compress to my neck, she also informed me that the weekend would include:

• Bathing suits
• One fancy outfit
• One "lounging around" outfit

I was overcome with excitement. I LOVE swimming. I LOVE fancy outfits, because usually when you're wearing a fancy outfit, it's because you're waiting for people to feed you really good food. I LOVE lounging around. Good work, Katr.

We packed up Saturday morning and once Boka and her lady friend Cawi had arrived, Katr whisked me off all the way downtown for our birthday destination - the Pan Pacific Hotel. Our room had crazy views, but most of the photos I took looked like I was getting ready to be a jumper.

And also, there were some delightful birthday treats for me:

OMG, these are like crime scene photos suddenly, as I realize I forgot about these truffles - WHERE ARE THEY?? Probably in my giant purse.

After savouring some birthday chocolate, we went swimming in the heated outdoor pool with a lot of frat boys and sorority girls who were up from Seattle to abuse BC's legal drinking age of 19 and were preparing for the evening's booze cruise with a lot of pre-booze cruise drinking and bogarting the hot tub. O, to be 19 again and have all my good stories begin with "I don't know how I got there or whose barf it was!" It made me very smug about being 37.

After a swim, sauna, grooming and general lounging about (that outfit came in handy), we got dolled up and met our friends Elai and Doai (who were equally dolled up) at the Five Sails Restaurant and experienced the best tasting menu we've had in forever. The optional foie gras course...NOT OPTIONAL. If you go there, you must get it. It is SERIOUS.

There was a brief hiccup when Elai and Doai presented me with Seasons 4 & 5 of Dexter and I thought about faking a cramp so that I could go watch it all, right now, ALL OF IT, but they gave it to me on Blu Ray and the hotel does not provide Blu Ray players. BULLET DODGED.

The company was excellent and the food was insanely good. I am shedding a tear right now, just thinking about it. I didn't take any photos, because I was too busy with the eating and also, the drinking. But photos would just make both of us weep, so it's probably best you can't see them.

Sunday morning dawned pearly gray, or so I hear, because we slept through the dawn and well into the morning, waking up only when it became necessary to order breakfast before the room service deadline. And then we lolled about until the early afternoon, when it became apparent that they expected us to leave.

So thank you to Katr for organizing such a delicious birthday surprise!! Thank you to Boka and Cawi, who stayed with our corn-chip scented dog overnight!! Thank you to Elai and Doai for the delightful and sparkling evening and also, the Dexter! Ooo, the Dexter.

I watched the first episode of Season 4 a couple of nights ago. I have seen John Lithgow's ass. I WILL NEVER BE THE SAME. It's going to be a good year, gang.

 

Creampuffs at the TED

When Katr first started attending the TED conference, no one I knew had heard about it. It was held in Monterey, CA and I would get to go with her every year and catch glimpses of celebrities like Forest Whitaker and take terrible videos of seals and write deep thoughts at my favourite Monterey cafe Plumes.

Now, eight years later, TED is ubiquitous - I can't go on Facebook without seeing friends posting and reposting thousands of cool TED talks - and instead of going down to Long Beach, where it is now held, Katr is a TED Associate and we livestream the conference here right to our house. TECHNOLOGY!

Photo: James Duncan Davidson

This livestreaming approach has distinct advantages:

a) It is cheaper.

b) I don't have to worry about letting one rip just as Cameron Diaz gets on the elevator at the Portola Plaza hotel. Not that that happened. Twice. Or anything.

c) I get to actually *see* the TED talks instead of just *hearing* about them from Katr and then *thinking* about watching them online but never getting around to it.

Something that always kind of put me off TED was the collective orgasm a lot of folks seems to have over TED (including the organizers). But I have to say, there are some pretty awesome and amazing things going on that were very cool to hear about. 

There were a lot of interesting talks at TED this year but probably my favourites were:

Billy Collins, former Poet Laureate of the US, whose wry wit and action poems just killed me. His poem "The Country" was hilarious and a little awe-inspiring.

Bryan Stephenson, lawyer and founder of the Equal Justice Initiative, who gave such a moving and motivating talk about racism in the justice system that he managed to raise 1.2 million dollars towards his latest campaign (to keep kids from being sentenced to adult jail) in less than a day at TED. Because the people at TED are super super rich.

Book designer Chip Kidd, who designed iconic book jackets like the one for Jurassic Park. He was gay, bitchy, hilarious and really got me thinking about "what does a story look like"? Also, he made me slightly ashamed of my new Kobo.

Journalist and writer Jon Ronson, whose latest book is about psychopaths and who shared a few of his stories from his research, with some added audio-visual aid from Evan Grant and Julian Treasure. I'm dying to read his book now, if only to make sure that I don't have too many checks on the Psychopath Checklist.

Ainissa Ramirez, Associate Professor of Mechanical Engineering & Materials Science, who gave a talk about changing the way we educate and inspire kids. My favourite quote was "Scientists fail all the time; we just brand it differently. We call it ‘data.’”

Ainissa Ramirez. Photo: James Duncan Davidson

And Brene Brown, a Houston psychologist, whose talk about shame brought the house down.

I'm sure all of these talks will be online seconds after I write this (so far there are only four posted on the TED 2012 Playlist but I'm sure there are many more to come). In the meantime, you can check out the TED blog for other highlights from this year's conference.

As I mentioned on Facebook, inspired by the brilliant minds we've been hearing from at the TED conference this week, I've decided to take a risk and implement a new pilot project I like to call "No Bridge Mix Left Behind". So far, project is exceeding expectations! I look forward to my invitation to speak at TEDxConfectionary. Anytime, guys. Annnnytime.