So Friday was my 7th shift volunteering at one of the Olympic Family Hotels. The OFHs are where the IOC and various NOCs (National Olympic Committees) are staying, having meetings, trying to chic each other out, etc. Our OFH is a “secure venue”, which means that before anyone can get in, they have to have the right accreditation and they have to go through security like at the airport (x-ray for the bags, metal detector for the people, wand for their private areas – woe betide any IOC member with a dick piercing – I’m looking at you, Belgium!).
My job is basically:
- Scanning people’s passes
- Guiding people to the accreditation centre
- Smiling like I’m on something
- Radio-ing the team leader when we don’t know what the hell to do
- Getting chewed out by this one Westin doorman for shit that is not actually my fault; and
- Laying my shitty French down on unsuspecting visitors.
While I was a little bummed to get this assignment at the beginning, I have to say it’s actually been really fun – but after being on my feet for eight hours, four days in a row, my dogs were barkin’ on Friday afternoon and I could not WAIT until we’d gotten the 2000+ people loaded on the buses to go to the Opening Ceremonies so that I could sit the fuck down.
So there I was, standing outside the hotel with my radio, getting ashed on by some lady from Brazil, peering into the lobby to see if we’d managed to finally get everyone on the coach, when my supervisor – we’ll call her “L” - beetled over to me with a covert look in her eye.
L: Guess what?
Me: It’s dinner time?
L: You’re going to the Opening Ceremonies!
Me: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA????
Then she handed me this:
And suddenly, I was on a bus.With the IOC. And an $1100 ticket.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!
I was not the only volunteer accorded this honour – three of my fellow volunteers got on the bus soon after, with the same dazed look in their eye, tickets clutched in their hot little hands and we all hicked out and squealed with delight over our incredible good fortune.
An aside – I’d LIKE to tell you that my free ticket was the result of my exceptional work scanning passes and speaking in halting French but the truth is that I a) was at the right place at the right time and b) had somehow demonstrated that I am not a total dipshit. But hey – I’LL TAKE IT.
We got to BC Place about 5 minutes before the Ceremonies began and my fellow volunteer Bob barely had time to kick some interlopers out of our seats before everything kicked off. We sat down, wrestled our drums/ponchos/flashlights/ candles/Canadian flags from the seat stealers and I wedged my very large ass into a VERY small plastic chair just as the countdown began.
I proceeded to take some very shitty photos with my iPhone and you WILL LOOK AT THEM.
The Mounties carrying the flag through The Great Blueness.
Bob does not know I took this photo, or that I have a blog.
These looked less penis-y in person.
It’s the Spirit Bear, bitches!!
I think one of these tap dancers is my friend Lindsay. Lindsay?
Harvest Moon. I kind of wet myself here.
At this point, my photo taking was disturbed by an altercation over seating – the couple at the end of our row were apparently in the wrong seats and would not move. So I didn’t manage to take any photos again until this shitty one of the jacked-up cauldron.
I knew no one would believe I was there, so I made Bob take my photo. Not bad for his first iPhone picture!
Everyone had their favourite parts of the Opening Ceremonies, of course – personally, I lurved the whale part, the fiddling/tap dancing part, the kd lang part and the slam poet part the best – but overall, I have to say it was pretty amazing to be there with 60,000 people, screaming our heads off when the Canadian team walked in. Woooo!
Trying to get OUT of the stadium’s one exit with those same 60,000 people – LESS FUN. I have to hand it to the volunteers at BC Place for keeping their cool in a less than ideal situation…because only the fact that I was also wearing a volunteer uniform kept me from punching a few people in the nards.
Anyway – I went to the Opening Ceremonies for free!!! Wooooooooo! Go Canada!!!
Of course, it’s Day 3 and this is all old news – Silver for Jenn Heil! Bronze for Kristina Groves! Gold for Alex Bilodeau! Woooo! But you know…I did take the pictures.
Addendum – on my way to lucky shift #7, I ran into the lovely and increasingly famous Andrea of 2010VanFan, who gave me one of her awesome pins and also was the first to give me the awful news about the poor Georgian luger who died on Friday. Andrea is a HUGE Olympics fan and she is blogging the shit out of the Winter Games and if you’re a fan, you should definitely check out her blog. Thanks, Andrea!
Also, I keep meaning to mention that if you’d like your Olympic coverage a) a little more sporadic and b) with more dick jokes, you should check out Kimli’s blog, Delicious Juice. Because she is very funny.
