Creampuff Revolution

Creampuff is Canadian

Tomorrow is Canada Day! Yay Canada! Oh, Canada - you're not perfect, but you are definitely worth celebrating. I plan to observe this national holiday by belting out my favourite patriotic tune, The Canada Song, and consuming unseemly amounts of our national drink - Slurpees. With just a touch of vodka.

Some random things I love about Canada:

Jokes about beavers - I totally love that our national animal is the beaver. Industrious yet dumpy. Suggestive yet ridiculous. They mark their territory with "scent mounds". It delights me.

The island made of chocolate - Did you know that here in British Columbia, there's an island made entirely of chocolate? It's true! It's called Denman Island and you can eat everything there - rocks, trees, garbage cans, you name it! Or so I HEAR. It's not too far from Saltspring Island, which is the island made entirely of pot.

Folk musicians - Speaking of pot, my parents are avid folk festival fans and it's thanks to them that I once ate lunch next to k.d. lang and touched the Violent Femmes. It's true that I love the crappy pop but nothing lifts my soul quite like Maria Dunn or Amelia Curran or Evalyn Parry or The Be Good Tanyas or... you get the idea. Canadian folkiness - you please me.

Things that are filmed in Vancouver -  I get a geeky thrill when I watch films and tv shows that are shot in Vancouver. The X-Files, Battlestar Galactica, Bionic Woman - it makes me feel COOL. I get an even bigger thrill when I recognize Canadian actors on the American shows that are filmed in Canada. For example, we recently discovered cute lesbian comedy Exes and Ohs, which was not only mostly shot in Vancouver but also stars Marnie Alton, who's from Edmonton and was in my very first play when I was 16.

Here's the scary part - it's been 17 years and she looks EXACTLY THE SAME. Totally gorgeous. Me, I look more an more like our national animal every year. Industrious yet dumpy. Also, strangely fuzzy.

Cake Beauty - It's summertime and the living is a little dry and flaky, especially around our ankles. I've been dying for some serious exfoliation and rubbing my feet up against the throngs of Cirque du Soleil patrons isn't cutting it. So Katr and I went a little wild in Cake Beauty's online store. We're getting some citrus squeeze brown sugar scrub and a few other deliciousnesses. I'm not going to lie to you guys - I've been thinking about it. A LOT. This shit cannot get here fast enough. And when it does...I might never leave the tub.

Anne of Green Gables - It's no secret that I believe Anne of Green Gables turned me gay. The close female friendships, the après-ball "sleepovers", Anne getting Diana drunk on currant wine while Marilla was out - let's face it, Anne of Green Gables was practically The L Word of 1908. That's right - 1908. That means that this year is the 100th anniversary of Anne!!

To celebrate this momentous occasion, Moynan King and I are co-curating a night of hot Anne lesbian cabaret action called Anne Made Me Gay: When Kindred Spirits Get Naked at Buddies in Bad Times in Toronto, November 28th. I know!! A whole night of Anne!! Be there - bring your gingham and your bosom friend.

I could go on, but it might take away from my pre-Canada Day Slurpee drinking (you have to lay a base). Instead, I turn it over to you, fellow beaver lovers! Happy Canada Day to all of you and may the Great Beaver grant your every desire!

Creampuffs and Pooch Celebrate One Year Fuzz-aversary

What with so many of you lovely people out there celebrating big life events like buying homes or shacking up together or getting engayged (oh Viscount - that "engayged" joke really is the gift that keeps on giving), or giving birth, I somehow managed to miss an important anniversary of our own this past week!

Yes, that's right - as of June 16th, it's been one whole year since our rescued shar pei Emmy Lou trotted into our lives, bringing joy, fuzziness, outdoor activities, adorable-osity, blog fodder and a variety of odours with her.

I'm not going to lie to you - it was a stressful start for us dog-owning newbies. It was ALL of your sage advice (and several of these, accompanied by frozen drinks sprinkled with Advil) that got us through those first, crazy days.

Even now, in times of trial, I particularly remember melle's wise words: "The dog is not a crystal swan". (You are so right, melle. Emmy Lou is more of a porcelain goose.)

Thank you all so much for helping us get through the new dog phase and into this phase - the "having an hilarious lesbian dog who ignores dudes, chases rubber chickens, rolls over for rubbins, screams when you bathe her and sleeps 20 hours a day" phase.

And now, in celebration of our first year with our junkyard hound, I present a slideshow of our dog that took two smart women WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY too long to do. And by "two smart women", I mean "Katr and the dog".

Creampuff Reveals the Winner! And, Some Knitting

I know that six of you crazed Buffy fans - SIX!! - have been waiting with bated breath to see who would win my extra copy of Fray. I decided on an impartial draw of names versus choosing the winner based on their answers to my quiz. Because I can accept that we disagree about ... certain things. I can accept that.

So the winner is....KAJey (or Lehu, partner of Not-So-Cynical Knitting Gal!) Congrats, KAJey! Send me your address by email and I'll have that copy of Fray in the mail to you pronto. And thanks to everyone who participated - I loved reading all of your Buffy-lovin' ramblings. Because although I pretend to be cool, I am just a big fucking geek.

And now, for some knitting.

Mom's Socks

These are the Dahlia socks from the Sundara Yarn Petals Collection. Mostly. I futzed with the toes because I like my way better and I didn't continue the pattern down the whole foot because I would never have finished them. Seriously.

I have been knitting these socks for my mother since September. Yeah, that's right. September.  These socks have been knit in Vancouver, Calgary, Toronto, Cancun, San Francisco, Monterey and Stratford, Ontario. But now - now they are done! In time for her birthday last Friday! Behold them!

I know! My mother had very shapely calves and ankles. As for the socks - I KNOW!! They're not THAT fancy. Nine months!! It's like I had a mental block about the pattern - here's a close-up from an earlier take:

It was an extremely painstaking process until about two pattern repeats away from the end of the leg of the second sock. Then, suddenly, I discovered I had finally memorized the six line pattern. And it only took nine months!! Let's take another look at my mother's shapely foot:

In the course of knitting these masterpieces, I also discovered that the pattern looks just as good on the back as on the front. So now that I've memorized the fucking thing, you'd better believe I'll be using this pattern EVERYWHERE. Other socks - hats - scarves - potholders - you name it.

Of course, my next project is a little larger in scope (but not much). Over a year ago, I bought yarn to make my best friend Padu a sweater. Yesterday, I bought the correct needles. Fortunately, Padu is slim and reed-like and the pattern for the sweater is easy. So at this pace, he'll have the sweater in time for his birthday!

His fortieth birthday.

In 2015.

Creampuff Likes Her Private Time

(Note to fabulous Buffy quiz participants - I'll draw for the copy of Fray next Monday. Stay tuned!)

Between the dull, drab and dreary weather in Vancouver this week and the apocalyptic craziness of the weather everywhere else, I confess I'm feeling a little foggy lately. Even the jaunty drilling and colourful striped tents of the Cirque du Soleil next door have failed to snap me out of it.

Also, our almost new Cuisinart Grind Central coffee grinder died mid-grind yesterday, leaving us with a burnt rubber odour instead of a hot brewing coffee aroma (I'm still looking into getting a new one free of charge, so I guess I'll hold off mailing that jar of dog shit to their headquarters - FOR NOW).

As a way to overcome both fogginess and the caffeine deprivation, I decided yesterday to spend some time looking at pictures of our honeymoon, in order to remind myself of the sun and how it exists. It worked a treat and I came across some other pre-wedding photos that I'd been meaning to share with you all.

But first, briefly, a word about bathroom time.

I never want to see you go to the bathroom.

That's your special private time.

It's the gift you give yourself.

I also (and I think this only applies to my brother, Jaro) don't need to see the results of your private time in that room, even it it's "standing almost vertical, like the Leaning Tower of Pisa" or "a snake so long it followed me out of the bathroom".

Hearing bathroom time does not bother me. I don't need to pretend NOTHING's happening in there. I have a friend who, even after she moved in with her fiancé, continued to run the water every time she took a whiz. That, to me, is extreme. But I... please, just... close the door. And don't talk to me.

Fortunately, Katr and I see eye to eye on this issue. Our bathroom doors are firmly shut whenever one of us is spending some quality time in there. Brief check-in's are permitted (I, for example, like to call out "Whatcha doin' in there?" and then laugh and laugh, because I am twelve), but there are no prolonged discussions. The fact that you can actually see the TV from one of our toilets does not distract us from our door-shutting duty.

Given our choice, as a couple, to not make bathroom time "us" time, you can imagine our chagrin when Katr and I got to our room at the Holiday Inn on King - the room we were staying in for a week before the wedding - and saw that the wall to the bathroom looked like this:

That's right. A wall - of GLASS.

Leaving most of the lights out didn't really make a difference.

And because the door was glass too - a door - OF GLASS 

- there was literally nowhere in the room where you could be and not see directly into the ladies' shitter.

I caught the ice bucket taking a crap.

I am extremely curious about this design choice on the part of the Holiday Inn on King. This room was one of their new "executive rooms" and, along with the peek-a-boo bathroom, it also boasted a gi-huge-ic flatscreen tv, a very comfortable king bed and the worst use of space I have ever seen in a hotel room.

I suppose they figured that this would be a single occupancy room and that the dappled glass bathroom wall and door would make it seem bigger. But even executives pick up now and then and unless they dig seeing their date doing their business...and I know some people do and good for them... it might make things AWKWARD. I imagined scenes like:

One night stander #1:  Oh my god, Shirley. I've been waiting all day to get a look at your legal briefs.

One night stander #2:  Just let me... freshen up.

One night stander #1 (seconds later, through the glass wall of the bathroom): Did you just... did you just PICK your NOSE and FLICK IT??

Silence.

One night stander #2:  No?

One night stander #1:  Get out.

We meant to cover the bathroom walls with paper for privacy but we were so busy and exhausted that week that we ended up averting our eyes instead and making our friends and family leave our room when we wanted to take a leak. It was awesome. I think it made us stronger as a couple. And it certainly made me appreciate solid doors.

So hey - if you and your lover are a pair of bathroom voyeurs, have I got a hot tip for you! And if you're not - maybe try the Radisson.

Creampuff's Gift is Re-gifting

NB: This post is entirely composed of self-indulgent twaddle about Buffy the Vampire Slayer - the memories, the magic, the muff-diving. If you're not a Buffy fan, you probably won't give a wet slap. So...carry on.

NNB: Also, if you haven't finished all seven seasons and don't wanna know what happens, probably don't keep reading. Okay, thank you.

I deeply enjoy the Buffy, as you know, but I wouldn't describe myself as a rabid fan. I don't know the titles of most of the episodes - other than the lesbians, I didn't really care who was dating who - I didn't need to have long talks about it with other people on the internet. And while I was sad when the show ended, I admit that I greeted the "Season 8 in comic book form" news with a distinct lack of interest.

As I read more about Season 8, however, I became curious enough to put it on my wish list and I was thrilled to receive an unprecedented number of Buffy-related gifts this past birthday. FINALLY my parents are starting to understand that this "vampire show" thing is not just a PHASE. Among the Buffy bounty was a copy of Fray, which I didn't really know much about other than that it was set in the future and looked cool and stuff.

Fray was a very fun read (and I'm not really a "graphic novel" girl). Great artwork, compelling characters and those delightful turns of phrase and surprising plot twists that kept us all tuned in to Buffy for so long. I would have been happy to recommend it to any Whedon fan.

And now, thanks to my brother who just sent me a second copy of Fray as part of a delayed birthday reaction (not his fault), I am happy to actually give it away to a Whedon fan! Like you! Because while Buffy's gift may be "Death", MY gift is "re-gifting".

I promise I will have this shiny new copy of Fray in your hands by June 23rd - 'cause that's Joss Whedon's birthday. All you have to do is answer this Buffy meme that I just made up - on your own blog, in a Facebook note or in the comments, whatever works - and tell me you've done it and I'll enter your name in a draw! Or, if you don't feel like playing, you can just go buy it yourself - it's, like, $13. Go crazy!

The Buffy episode that first got you hooked was: Earshot (the one in Season 3, where Buffy can hear everyone's thoughts and the cafeteria lady tries to kill everyone). My roommate Jesk and I watched it because there was nothing else on TV that night. I was stunned by how funny it was. The moment where Xander catches the lunch lady? He stares. She stares. The rat poison keeps pouring. I died. We were INSTANTLY converts.

Favourite season: Season 4 will always hold a special place in my heart because it was the first whole season that I saw as it unfolded. Also, it was a tight season with a great story arc. Also, it contained this line: "She irons her jeans. She's EVIL."

Least favourite season: Hmm. Overall, I'd have to say Season 1. It's the only one I haven't bothered to buy. But there were parts of both 6 and 7 that I deeply hated.

Favourite episode(s): The one where Giles gets turned into a demon; the one where Tara's family comes to get her; the Zeppo; the one where Willow's spell goes wrong and Buffy and Spike get engaged; the one with two Willows; I could go on, but those are the first five that popped into my head.

Moment(s) when you said "Really? Must we?": Obviously, Tara getting killed was awful and while I get that's where they were going the whole season, I thought it blew. Also in Season 6, the whole Spike-on-Buffy relationship and then sexual assault and subsequent soul-getting and Season 7 craziness ... really? Also when Xander crapped out at the wedding. I mean, when Buffy had to kill Angel - or herself - THAT was some awesome, plot-serving, totally soul-crushing business. But Xander leaving Anya at the altar? Whatever. Man up.

When you saw the ending of Season 5 for the first time, you: Did the ugly cry, ate all of my roommate's chocolate-covered pretzels, stayed up on the internets all night trying to find out if it was really the end of all things Buffy and seriously considered taking a personal day off work to cope with my totally unexpected and strangely intense grief.

Best guest villain: I fucking love that Ethan Rayne. So slimey and limey.

Worst guest villain: Glory was such an awesome villain - so well-written, so fun, so much potential - and the actor who played her was so completely ass that she nearly turned me off Buffy for good. I don't know who Clare Kramer blew to get that gig, but she continued to blow through all of Season 5. I threw up in my mouth a little just now, thinking about it. GAH.

Favourite song from the musical episode, Once More, With Feeling: You'd think I'd go for the big lesbo number, but I actually prefer Spike's angsty ballad, Rest in Peace.

If you only had one episode to convince your Buffy-ignorant friend to fall in love with the show, you'd show them: Tough call. It depends on the person, really. I've tried several out on Katr and none of them took (although she did enjoy the musical). So if you have any insights in this area, I'd be pleased to hear them.

The question you wish I'd included in this quiz: Favourite relationship? Favourite line? Worst outfit? It's all up to you!