(Note to fabulous Buffy quiz participants - I'll draw for the copy of Fray next Monday. Stay tuned!)
Between the dull, drab and dreary weather in Vancouver this week and the apocalyptic craziness of the weather everywhere else, I confess I'm feeling a little foggy lately. Even the jaunty drilling and colourful striped tents of the Cirque du Soleil next door have failed to snap me out of it.
Also, our almost new Cuisinart Grind Central coffee grinder died mid-grind yesterday, leaving us with a burnt rubber odour instead of a hot brewing coffee aroma (I'm still looking into getting a new one free of charge, so I guess I'll hold off mailing that jar of dog shit to their headquarters - FOR NOW).
As a way to overcome both fogginess and the caffeine deprivation, I decided yesterday to spend some time looking at pictures of our honeymoon, in order to remind myself of the sun and how it exists. It worked a treat and I came across some other pre-wedding photos that I'd been meaning to share with you all.
But first, briefly, a word about bathroom time.
I never want to see you go to the bathroom.
That's your special private time.
It's the gift you give yourself.
I also (and I think this only applies to my brother, Jaro) don't need to see the results of your private time in that room, even it it's "standing almost vertical, like the Leaning Tower of Pisa" or "a snake so long it followed me out of the bathroom".
Hearing bathroom time does not bother me. I don't need to pretend NOTHING's happening in there. I have a friend who, even after she moved in with her fiancé, continued to run the water every time she took a whiz. That, to me, is extreme. But I... please, just... close the door. And don't talk to me.
Fortunately, Katr and I see eye to eye on this issue. Our bathroom doors are firmly shut whenever one of us is spending some quality time in there. Brief check-in's are permitted (I, for example, like to call out "Whatcha doin' in there?" and then laugh and laugh, because I am twelve), but there are no prolonged discussions. The fact that you can actually see the TV from one of our toilets does not distract us from our door-shutting duty.
Given our choice, as a couple, to not make bathroom time "us" time, you can imagine our chagrin when Katr and I got to our room at the Holiday Inn on King - the room we were staying in for a week before the wedding - and saw that the wall to the bathroom looked like this:
That's right. A wall - of GLASS.
Leaving most of the lights out didn't really make a difference.
And because the door was glass too - a door - OF GLASS
- there was literally nowhere in the room where you could be and not see directly into the ladies' shitter.
I caught the ice bucket taking a crap.
I am extremely curious about this design choice on the part of the Holiday Inn on King. This room was one of their new "executive rooms" and, along with the peek-a-boo bathroom, it also boasted a gi-huge-ic flatscreen tv, a very comfortable king bed and the worst use of space I have ever seen in a hotel room.
I suppose they figured that this would be a single occupancy room and that the dappled glass bathroom wall and door would make it seem bigger. But even executives pick up now and then and unless they dig seeing their date doing their business...and I know some people do and good for them... it might make things AWKWARD. I imagined scenes like:
One night stander #1: Oh my god, Shirley. I've been waiting all day to get a look at your legal briefs.
One night stander #2: Just let me... freshen up.
One night stander #1 (seconds later, through the glass wall of the bathroom): Did you just... did you just PICK your NOSE and FLICK IT??
Silence.
One night stander #2: No?
One night stander #1: Get out.
We meant to cover the bathroom walls with paper for privacy but we were so busy and exhausted that week that we ended up averting our eyes instead and making our friends and family leave our room when we wanted to take a leak. It was awesome. I think it made us stronger as a couple. And it certainly made me appreciate solid doors.
So hey - if you and your lover are a pair of bathroom voyeurs, have I got a hot tip for you! And if you're not - maybe try the Radisson.
