Those who know me would not think it amiss if I were to describe myself as an "ice cream connaisseur". When we lived in Toronto, our place was just around the corner from a Baskin & Robbins 31 Flavours, which I referred to as "my local". I was in there at least once a week. Rafael and Julio, who owned the franchise, always had a tiny pink spoon at the ready for me to taste whatever was "new". Because they knew that if it was new, I would buy it.
I like a lot of stuff in my ice cream. Walnuts, pecans, almonds, peanuts, pralines. Cherries, raisins, strawberries, bits of orange peel. Clusters, nuggets, crackle, flakes, crumble, chunks. Coconut. Tiny peanut butter cups. Pretzels. Churros. Birthday cake. Ribbons of all kinds (fudge, butterscotch, caramel, honey). Baklava. Anything but marshmallow (GAH - a scourge upon the 'mallow!) and bubblegum, or, as I call it, "Satan's Chewy Asshole".
When we moved to Vancouver, it was hard - really hard - to go back to Ben & Jerry's and, occasionally, Haagen Daz after the ever-changing splendour that was Baskin & Robbins. Oh sure, I enjoy my Chunky Monkey, my Cherry Garcia Frozen Yogurt, my New York SuperFudge Chunk (I love many other flavours, but selection here in Canada is somewhat limited). And HD's Caramel Cone Explosion and, more recently, Sticky Toffee Pudding, is always a treat. But I yearn for the new. I CRAVE the new. When I see the new, I snap it up!
Now, I don't want to be a jerk. I'm sure Ben & Jerry work very hard. But I have to say that I haven't been taken with any of the recent Ben & Jerry flavours. An unaccountably curmudgeonly list of disappointments follows:
The Gobfather - First of all - it's best not to put the word "gob" in the name of a foodstuff. No one wants to eat anyone's gob. Also, with the chocolate ice cream and syrupy "ribbon" and chocolate covered whatevers, it was too sweet (which, for me, is really saying something. Because I will eat sugar cubes.)
Fossil Fuel - What's the difference between "ice cream" and "sweet cream"? All I know is that "sweet cream" made me want to erp. And the "cookie crumble" tasted like sand.
Peanut Butter Tracks - I LOVE peanut butter, peanut butter ice cream and peanut butter cups. And yet, the extremely waxy chocolate of the peanut butter cups displeased me. Why pay $6.49 for that when I can drip a melted candle into a jar of cold Skippy for practically nothing?
Strawberry Cheesecake - again, all the makings of a winner and I might have to chalk this one up to retailer error. Every Strawberry Cheesecake pint I've consumed (4 or 5) has contained, at some point in the pint, an impenetrable, fist-sized chunk of graham cracker "crust". The crust is extremely salty and not at all pleasant to consume in large quantities. Did each pint leave the factory in this condition? Or is there an unfreezing/graham-cracker-coalescing/refreezing sequence occurring somewhere on the journey?
Tortoise Soup - einh. Also, on the package, the cashews look a little like fetuses. I...I don't like that.
Banana Split - I saw this one last night and my heart leapt! Bananas! Strawberries! Fudge! I beetled home to try it and was annoyed that Katr made me eat a healthy meal of chicken curry and spinach first. I opened it early, to let it breathe and waited until it was just the right consistency before I dug in. I am sad to report that I found it rather tasteless. The chocolate clashed with the strawberry and zeroed out the banana.
Sigh. I'm about ready to give up on Ben and his pal Jerry. Am I crazy? Are there other flavours waiting to come north that I've not heard about? Any tips, fellow ice-cream lovers?
On the plus side, Ben & Jerry's failure to fulfill my ice cream needs spells economic prosperity for the one other purveyor of frozen desserts in my neighbourhood! The Amato Gelato at 2nd and Quebec can expect to see a lot more of me as the warmer weather approaches. What their gelato lacks in "stuff" it makes up for in variety. Blood orange sorbet - Italian wedding cake - their incomparable rum raisin - all will be enjoyed. And maybe, by the end of the summer, I'll have them trained to show me "what's new" when I come in. Because by then they will know that if it's new, I will buy it.
P.S. Ben & Jerry - I can't believe you gave Bovinity Divinity the axe but kept Phish Food around. Really? Marshmallow and fudge fish beat out sweet little white and milk chocolate cows? I don't get you guys.
