When people tag me to write certain kinds of posts, I don't like to respond RIGHT AWAY. You know, I like to let tags ripen, like a good cheese or a bold Shiraz or Olympia Dukakis. I also like to let them pile up. Every now and then I open the room in my brain where they are stored and I see them, glittering in the gloom behind a pile of unread issues of The Beaver: Canada's History Magazine.
So Sparkles, Whozat and recent birthday girl Becky - this 7 Things About Me (Food Edition) is for you! (Special to Kimananda - I haven't forgotten you - but I AM saving yours for the holidays. You know why.)
1. Rice. I do not care for it. Last weekend, for example, I spent a goodly amount of time making a delicious beef stew. Katr suggested I add "a handful" of rice to the pot, to starch it up a little. I thought she was being skimpy with the rice because she knows I do not care for it, so I decided to take one for the team and add a little more. The demon rice proceeded to suck up all the available moisture, turning the stew into strice. Katr was annoyed with me for not listening to her. I was annoyed with the rice. Fucking rice.
I do like rice pudding, but I really see it more as a delivery method for cream and raisins.
2. Raw carrots give me hiccups.
3. I have a chocolate ritual. Whenever I eat chocolate - every time - I always internally quote the creampuff kid in the original 1976 Bad News Bears who, when the coach suggests he lay off the junk food, replies: "There's ENERGY in chocolate. I NEED ENERGY."
4. I love disgusting diet pop. I remember my friend Chma recoiling in horror in the late '80's when we were eating fries n' gravy at Meadowlark Mall and I cracked a can of diet chocolate flavoured soda. 20 years later and fucked up pop flavours are still the first thing I reach for in the convenience store. I can't help myself. It's like Thrills or soap candy - gross and yet COMPELLING. I nearly lost my shit in the States one time when I found Diet Holiday Spice Pepsi. I bought up the 7-11's entire stock of Diet Strawberry Pepsi Jazz last September and my most recent obsession is Diet Dr. Pepper Chocolate Covered Cherry. It tastes like carbonated Tootsie Rolls. Mmmmm - gah.
5. My first word was "guggen". What does that mean? It means "cookie". Because as an infant, I was German.
6. I am famous for this party trick. Once, at a birthday party when I was a child, I laughed so hard a whole maraschino cherry came out my nose.
7. I am a hick and like the milk. I know dark chocolate is sexy these days and has actual health benefits like anti-oxidants and shit but most of the time I'd rather hit myself in the face with a board than eat dark chocolate. There, I said it! And I feel free!
Tag complete! Now I'm hungry. I'm supposed to tag other people, but you know how that always turns out. Tears - recriminations - flaming bags of dog shit. So instead, I tag the first seven people who leave me a comment telling me they want to do it! HA ha! Hic ha! Hic ha! Fucking carrots...
