Creampuff Avoids Facebook Like It's Aliens Brandishing the Anal Probe

Facebook. I do not care for it.

I do not have a good reason, like I did when I refused to get a Myspace page. I think we can all agree that Myspace is horrible. It's more like in elementary school, when everyone else in my class, EVEN THE BOYS, begged and pleaded with their parents to buy them Cabbage Patch dolls and I didn't want one. Because they were uggo.

In the face of increasing and nearly daily pressure to join, I sat down to try and think of some legitimate reasons why I am so violently opposed to joining Facebook. Here's what I came up with.

1. I just don't want to.
   
2. I'm already in touch with most of the people I actually like from elementary, junior high, high school, university and beyond. How do I know? I know because they're all inviting me to become their friends on Facebook.
   
3. This weekend, I received the following email:
   
   Roro -
   I was talking to [name withheld] (also a fan and an acquaintance of yours from Edmonton) and we cyberstalked you to find an e-mail address [emphasis added].  I hope you don't mind the intrusion.  You don't know me, but we're both from Edmonton and I've seen you in a few
   plays.
   
   Years ago you wrote a play that was performed at the Citadel (possibly by [name withheld]?  [name withheld]? Someone who was a girl?  I can't recall) that was notable for many reasons, not the least of which was
   that it included over 50 synonyms for vomit.  Very notable as it has come up in conversation at least once a year since I saw the play read.
   
   It goes on. But my point is that someone I hardly know had NO TROUBLE tracking me down to ask about some play I wrote when I was 17 and I didn't need to be on Facebook for them to do it.
    
4. I love tiny updates and disconnected minutae as much as the next gal, but if I want those, I'll watch Entertainment Tonight. What I want from my friends is actual NARRATIVE. I want to hear your stories. So basically what I'm saying is that I'd like everyone I know on Facebook to just have a fucking blog like a normal person.
   
5. Unlike my beaverancée, I feel that I do not need to be on this thing "for work" just yet, although she has pointed out, fairly convincingly, that this may not be the case. I believe her words were, "a presence is better than an absence". Hmph.
   
6. Everyone I know who's on Facebook laughs (or cries) over how obsessed they are with it. Updating their status. Leaving notes on friends' walls. I believe them and am afraid. I spend too much time in front of the computer already. The last thing I need is some other reason to stay up late hitting "refresh". Seriously.
   
7. A lot of people I know, love and miss are on Facebook and let's be honest - we're shit at keeping in touch. On the other hand, alot of other people are on Facebook too. People I dislike and wouldn't ordinarily have to deal with. People I've been avoiding since elementary school, junior high school, high school and university. People who chap my ass. 

I know I'm being ridiculous. It feels pretty good. Ultimately, though, I feel that my "no likee" position on the mighty Facebook is untenable. It comes down to two possibilities: Will I continue to childishly hold out until Katr just joins and impersonates me to potentially save my career? Or will I ultimately cave independently of her because Gina Torres invites me to become her Friend on Facebook? History will decide.