I woke up this morning and realized that today's Katr's last day at her current job. She is sad to leave all of her smart, funny, generally wonderful (and oddly blogless except for the lovely Melissa) colleagues. But as she pointed out to me a few days ago, it's nice to be leaving a job to pursue an exciting new opportunity rather than leaving a job because you know that the "colleague homicide" you committed would definitely stay in your permanent HR file and could ultimately affect your pension.
As I was pondering Katr's job-leaving this fine morning, she disappeared into the bathroom and when the door clicked shut (because we will NEVER LEAVE THE DOOR OPEN WHEN WE GO TO THE BATHROOM, NO MATTER HOW LONG WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER) I suddenly remembered what had happened the morning of Katr's FIRST day at her current job.
As I say, we always close the door to the bathroom, even when it's late at night and the other person is asleep. Also, we always leave the door to our bathroom closed at night, because we get alot of light pollution from the bathroom. So at about 4:00 a.m., I got up to use our bathroom. And I discovered that the door was locked.
I looked back at the bed. There was Katr, blissfully snuffling her way through a dream that I hope contained naught but rainbows and puppies. So if Katr was in the bed and the door to the bathroom was locked - WHO THE FUCK WAS IN THE BATHROOM??
I was instantly more awake than I had ever been. Also, I really had to pee. Torn between abandoning my girlfriend with a potential intruder and the desperate need to make, I took the cordless phone, dialed 9-1-, then backed out of the room and went to the other bathroom. As I was whizzing away, ears cocked for the sounds of an intruder, I noticed the little push-in lock on the doorknob. After some quiet experimentation, I determined that it was possible to push the lock in without closing the door, which meant that if I was dumb, I could lock myself out of my own bathroom. Hmm.
You'd think that having discovered this quirky bathroom lock fact, I would then decide that that was precisely what had happened in the master bathroom. That clearly Katr or I, in a sleepy stupor, had bumped into the doorknob and activated the lock and locked ourselves out of our own bathroom. But no. What I decided was that the intruder in the washroom had also figured out this thing with the bathroom lock and was simply TRICKING me into thinking that the locked door was our fault and that there was nothing to fear. And then, when we went to sleep, he/she would strike.
I longed to wake Katr, but she hadn't been sleeping very well and I really didn't want to fuck up her first day at work by waking her up at 4:00 a.m. with a hissing whisper and the beeps of the cordless phone as I repeatedly dialed 9-1-. Also, I knew there was a slight chance - only slight, mind you - that I was being a doofus. So I compromised by easing back into bed, clutching the cordless phone to my chest and commenced staring intensely at Katr in a passive aggressive attempt to wake her up using only the power of my mind.
Two hours later, my will prevailed. Katr opened her eyes to find me staring at her intently, clutching the phone and wearing shoes in bed. "What?" she said suspiciously. In a voice almost hoarse from silent mind screaming, I explained the locked bathroom door situation, trying not to sound like a crazy person. To her credit, she neither laughed at me nor did she freak out at how not getting into the bathroom where our grooming products were might screw up her day. Within 5 minutes, she had picked the lock with a ballpoint pen, entered our empty bathroom and hopped in the shower. I, on other hand, sheepishly replaced the cordless phone on its cradle. Then I took off my shoes.
So happy last day of work, Katr! May your next first day be fraught with less freakishness on the part of me. Also, YOU CAN NEVER LEAVE ME.
