Chgi turned to me in the Tim Hortons on Wednesday and said "I've been holding back. But I think it's time I told you about Mercury."
Apparently, Mercury is in retrograde and it all started Wednesday, the day our Fringe show opened. What this means, in superstitious-layperson-who-knows-little-about-astrology terms, is that we'll all be experiencing some technical difficulties FOR THE NEXT THREE WEEKS. The following is a list of things that I am blaming on Mercury:
*Chgi and I went to get some photocopying and laminating done at a copy shop that we had previously been to, where the guy assured us he could handle all of our copy and plastic coating needs. He LIED, he couldn't figure out how to use his own copy machine but wouldn't let us use it and then we had to go to fucking Kinkos.
*When I printed the program for the show at home, I somehow got the template turned around so that the front was upside down and backwards, so Chgi had to fuck around with the paper cutter and scotch tape at Kinkos to make a master copy. When we went to make this master copy, we realized that we had left the originals at the Copy Shop of Lies.
*The bulb broke on our show slide projector a couple of hours before the show, so Chgi had to beetle off to Henry's to get a new one. Cost? $32.00 Handjob? NO.
*We got to the venue and the volunteers had written "Moon Sea Crossing" on the whiteboard in our time slot. We informed them of the mistake, which they slowly corrected by putting the incorrect title on the board. "87% True: The TIES That Bind" is not the name of the show.
*Lex didn't make it to opening night.
*We designated today as a Volunteer Appreciation Show, which means that any Fringe volunteer who wanted to could see the show today for free! Yay volunteers! We appreciate you!! We sent in the form. We checked it had been received by the Volunteer Coordinator. When we got to the venue, the volunteers there had no record of the Volunteer Appreciation show. And no volunteers took advantage of our phantom offer.
*Today before the show, Chgi checked the slide projector and it was working fine. The lights go down, the play starts, Chgi goes out, turns on the projector and . . . NOTHING. HOLY FUCKING SHIT. Let me tell you something; this is a new play and we're still working on it and every time it gets a little bit better, but it is TOUGH to act with a load in your shorts. We managed to improvise our way through the entire show and no one died. But - HOLY FUCKING SHIT.
*My Candy Swap package has not arrived.
*I found a dead cockroach in my toiletry kit this morning. What the . . . how the fuck did THAT get in there??
On the other hand, some really marvellous things have happened since we all bent over for Mercury.
*I got to meet the lovely Heather of life in the 'shwa, when she and her fiancé Dave left the 'Shwa and came to the opening night of the show!! We have agreed that meeting people off the internet is the new black. It was so awesome to meet them and awesome of them to come down. Next, I must meet their GIANT DOGS.
*I got a letter from Toronto Public Health telling me that I WAS RIGHT ABOUT THE DYSENTERY. In your FACE, two doctors who wouldn't give me anti-biotics!!! If I had more time, I would go to Kinkos and then wallpaper your offices with my letter from Toronto Public Health! Lucky for you, I am busy dealing with Mercury.
*Lex made it to the show today AND she bought us delicious treats and was generally wonderful, as always. Thanks, Lex!
*Katr's brother Drew acted as our mule from the States and now our fridge is full of Diet Wild Cherry Pepsi. Sweet, sweet Diet Wild Cherry Pepsi.
Well, I'd better post this now, before something else happens. Take care of yourselves out there. Look out for the stars.
