Okay, folks, you can all exhale. Katr and I finally tried the $10 "1848" chocolate bar and I want you to know that we considered all of your helpful comments and suggestions (except "leaving it on Melissa's desk" - nice try, Melissa - and the "ageing it further" idea of Julian's - as Katr said, this chocolate's been around since 1848. It has had its time). We tried it on a Sunday afternoon, in case it was laced with drugs. There was red wine nearby (for the antioxidants, you understand). We had took our pants off, in case it was JUST THAT GOOD. We bit into it gingerly, in case it had gold nuggets in it. We closed our eyes and prepared for fireworks.
Meh. It was alright. As Marni commented, despite being from the Fresh Mart, not so fresh (even with our pants off). Also, it was a good thing that Katr had (mostly) forgiven me for flirting with that babe I've had a 12 year crush on (the babe in question also gave me her card, which I now sleep with under my pillow - shhhhh . . .) 'cause the $10 bar of chocolate had the heft of a brick and those hazelnut chunks were sharp. They could CUT you, man. I think you know what I'm saying.
Other notable things accomplished since the chocolate bar purchase include:
1. Seeing my first inflatable lawn Easter Bunnies. Like I said before with the giant inflatable Thanksgiving lawn turkeys, it's shit like this that makes America great. We went down to Pennsylvania this last weekend to visit Katr's cute and ailing grandmother in the hospital and saw several variations of the giant inflatable lawn Easter Bunny. My absolute favourite was a giant inflatable yellow chick DRESSED IN A BUNNY OUTFIT. When we go down again in a couple of weeks for Easter, I hope to get a photo. Stay tuned.
2. Assuring Katr's cute and ailing grandma that Katr and I are "just good friends". The woman is cute and nearly 90 and was in the hospital. She doesn't need to know that Katr and Roro, her "roommate and good friend who regularly attends family functions and occasionally grabs Katr's ass when she thinks no one's looking" do more than vacuum the rug in our shared living arrangement. The awesome part is that we're pretty sure Grandma's very sweet and lovely roommate in the hospital, whose name rhymes with "Beona", clocked us lesbians mere minutes into our visit. Beona watches Will & Grace. Beona knew.
3. Finishing my dad's birthday silk and tweed scarf, as well as a baby hat for my cousin, then forgetting to photograph them before mailing. FOILED! By MYSELF! Dagnabbit. Fortunately, my mother informed me that she got my dad a digital camera for his birthday, so I'm hoping he'll take pictures and send them to me as soon as he figures out how to use it. No pressure, Dad.
4. Pumping gas for the first time. Shut up.
5. Finishing a big collaborative grant application which I dropped off today and then made the guy at the desk date-stamp in front of me because I am paranoid and refuse to have a possible 5 months of income, working on a project I love, compromised by a clerical mishap.
I was so pleased with having finished this grant application that, when I went to pick up some stuff at the Body Shop after, I accidently squirted Strawberry flavoured lotion on my hands instead of the slightly classier "Olive". I then had to walk all the way home, which included stopping at the butcher, the Baskin Robbins and the beer store, smelling like Strawberry Shortcake had shat on my hands. When I close my eyes, I can still hear the screaming. I think it was me.
6. Missing my own damn blogoversary. I knew it was sometime in March and I was right! It was the 13th! I wasn't planning on doing any kind of retrospective or anything, but I did want to mark it somehow. You know, like, with a post maybe. Since, as it turns out, I've only posted 105 times in 365 days. I know, I know - WEAK. Clearly, I need to step up my game. Fortunately, my previous 105 posts have been PURE INTERNET GOLD. HA ha!! So, you know - I can build on that.
And so I use this occasion of my belated blogoversary to wish all of you kind readers, commenters, lurkers, occasional visitors, critics and stumblers upon my blog due to key word combos like "fish tank tits", peace. And love. And cheap, delicious chocolate. The kind you need to take your pants off for.
