Well, I'm sad to report that after two entire days of "working out everyday" and "eating in a more healthful way" and "flossing", Katr and I do not look like this young lady in the knitted bikini. Mainly because we don't have cowboy hats.
I was checking out this bikini pattern in Stitch n' Bitch and I determined mathematically that if I was knitting myself this bikini, I would need about 20 skeins just to cover my plump, delightful ass. I would probably also have to knit myself some restraints, to keep from scratching private areas in public places. I would elaborate further, but this is a family blog.
We did a little Tae Bo in our living room yesterday morning (Billy Blanks: "Feel it in your LEGS!" Us: "Feel this, Billy!" (accidentally roundhouse kick the Solstice tree)) but I wasn't looking forward to the Y this morning. Because I do not like to share. I was concerned about the influx of "New Year's Resolution" worker-outers, sittin' on my machines, hogging the ellipterdactyls, wearing those ass-floss thongs, having sessions with the personal trainers I feel are judging me - not excited.
I was surprised to note, however, that the 5:55 a.m. crowd at the Y wasn't that much larger than usual. I also noted that all of the New Year's Resolution worker-outers were middle aged gentlemen, one of whom was wearing a Superman t-shirt stretched over a tummy that rivalled my own. They were all very polite and my workout was exceedingly pleasant, barring that one dicey moment when Superman, elliptercizing next to me, happened to glance at my chestal region just as that Milkshake song by Kellis (a musical gift from Padu) came on my shuffle. I nearly fell off the machine, but caught myself just in time. Then I poked myself in the face with the long handle on the machine and then I choked on my water. Then I bypassed the song. And then the next song was called Kryptonite and I had to leave altogether or risk asphyxiation.
No one was hurt this time, but In the interests of achieving a 19.5 skein ass, I'm thinking for Friday I'll change my workout mix to all-lesbian folk.
I may also wear a helmet.
