I'd just like to take a second here to go off on products that purport to taste like the "real" thing 
but, in reality, suck.
I learned this harsh lesson last year, when I bought a bag of sugar-free, carob Furtles, in an effort to lighten my holiday sugar consumption. I was not only grossed out by their nasty taste, but I also spent a number of hours dealing with their unadvertised "laxative" effect. In fact, these little turds of Satan caused me to rush to the bathroom with such speed and urgency that I renamed them "Hurtles".
Clearly, the Hurtles of 2004 didn't stop me from sinning again, this time by trying to replace my ordinary egg nog with So Nice Noël Nog Flavoured Soy Beverage.
Why do I always forget that soy milk (unless it's in a chai latté, where cloves mask everything) tastes like wooden popsicle sticks? Why did I think that soy NOG would be any different? And what, WHAT possessed me to pour a liberal amount of this faux nog into my incredibly delicious Alternative Grounds fair trade organic coffee?
Now my coffee tastes like wooden popsicle sticks. And a little nutmeg.
I am returning the Tofurkey RIGHT NOW.
