As I’ve been crowing to all and sundry of late about my newly acquired G1 driver’s license, a few folks have said incredulously “You mean, you’ve never driven before?” They say it like it’s a completely unfathomable thing, kind of the way I might say to someone “You mean, New England isn’t a STATE?”
The thing is, I HAVE driven before. When I was 17 and got my learner’s, I took the in-class lessons (with Chma, of poinsettia fame) and then the in-car lessons with this guy named Darryl.
Darryl had a mullet. He was also going to open his own driving school for standard cars, called Standard of Excellence, which I thought was outstanding. He had also just bought tickets for his girlfriend to a production of Les Miserables that was coming to Edmonton that year and I really believe that the reason I never learned to drive properly is that my driving instructor spent all of our lessons getting me to explain the extremely complicated plot of Les Miz to him so that he could impress his girlfriend.
I didn’t even bother to take the driving test.
So, anyway - while it’s true that I have not actually been behind the wheel of a car in 13 years, the thing is that I HAVE been driving all this time - WITH MY MIND. 
I learned this technique from a close female relative who I’m not allowed to mention any more in my blog, who is often exhausted after a plane trip because she’s been so busy flying the plane from her seat in row 25. Sure, the pilots are TECHNICALLY in charge of take-off, landing and keeping the plane on course, but we all know that but for the power of her mind, it would just be Alive all over again, even if it was just a shorthaul flight to Saskatchewan.
I haven’t gotten to the plane-flying stage yet, but the car is a different story. Before Katr and I hooked up, I didn’t spend a lot of time in cars, because none of my friends have ‘em. But ever since Katr introduced me to her car, Zoe, I’ve been working on my virtual driving. At first, it was subtle - I would brake when jerks cut in front of us, or I would lean imperceptibly to the left (assuming that the car would lean WITH me) when passing big trucks. But the more we drive, in the city or on road trips, the more involved I have become, often to the detriment of my (already poor) navigating skills. I concentrate very hard when we’re merging onto the freeway, I keep tail-gaters at bay through fist-clenching. It takes alot of energy and I can’t afford distractions. Change the radio station? Adjust the A/C? I’m BUSY. And when Katr engages the windshield wipers on what I perceive to be a high-action road, I think to myself “I WISH she wouldn’t DO that when I’m DRIVING.”
Katr is very patient with my virtual driving, to the point where she’ll say “I’m making a U-turn now and I don’t want you to get upset” or she’ll warn me before she uses the wipers. I am learning to let go a little. But part of the reason that I went and got my G1 is that clearly, my body thinks I SHOULD be driving, even if others think I shouldn’t.
My task this week is to find a driving school and I’m looking forward to getting out onto the open road. I’ll be the one leaning imperceptibly to the left.
Comments:
Get a PS2 and try out Gran Turismo racing game. You’ll be leaning left and right and all over the road!
Comment by Chris Nolan.ca — Tuesday, October 4, 2005 @ 2:41 am
Good tip, Chris! Katr’s been lusting after a PS2. Sadly, I fear my Gran Turismo technique would not play well with Katr in the so-called “real world". Unless I score her some Valium . . .
Comment by Rose — Tuesday, October 4, 2005 @ 3:23 am
Congratulations on getting your license! I need a ride. It’s across the county line and you can’t look in the back, but I’ll pay for gas. See you at midnight! Hope it stays cloudy!
Comment by “Moonshine” Mike — Friday, October 7, 2005 @ 2:37 pm
It’s a date! Oh - can we bring our dates, Moonshine? My baby has a powerful thirst on her.
Comment by Rose — Friday, October 7, 2005 @ 3:11 pm