I don’t know about when you were 12, but money was pretty tight for me back in 1987. Nevertheless, Christmas was upon us and after years of regifting things from my mother’s “teacher gift” closet, I was determined to buy a nice present for my best friend, Chma. I spent hours and precious dollars in the San Francisco store, picking out just the right set of smelly erasers. I wrapped them proudly and when Chma and her family came over for our annual Christmas dinner, I saw that she too had brought a gift - a very large, yet light-looking gift. Clearly, we were taking our gift giving to the next level.
Chma opened the erasers and was very impressed and appreciative. I couldn’t WAIT to see what kind of next level present awaited me beneath her hand-made, Santa-patterned wrapping.
I opened my gift carefully and as the paper fell away, I discovered that Chma, my best friend, had given me A GIANT POLYESTER POINSETTIA.
Not a potted polyester poinsettia - just one enormous polyester pointsettia flower surrounded by leaves. It wasn’t even a NEW giant polyester poinsettia - it was OFF THE FRONT DOOR OF THEIR HOUSE. This USED FAKE FLOWER was about 2 feet in diameter and Chma thought it was the FUNNIEST THING EVER. She laughed until her face was dangerously red and tears ran down her cheeks. I held the poinsettia mutely as she rolled all over the floor of my bedroom, convulsing, banging her fists on the carpet. I might have shed a tear as well, but not because I was amused.
“I hope you’ve enjoyed this moment,” I said to Chma, when she had stopped laughing long enough to breathe, “because when you get married, this poinsettia will be your wedding gift from me.”
It’s been 18 years.
Chma is getting married on Saturday.
I can’t be there, but guess who WILL be? That’s right - THE GIANT POLYESTER POINSETTIA.
My parents kept it faithfully in my old closet at home - it’s always been there, at the back of my mind. Waiting. Festively. And I wish to god I could be there when she opens that box and sees that goddamn flower.
Because giving me a giant used polyester poinsettia for Christmas in 1987? That was kind of funny.
Making good on an 18 year-old threat involving same giant polyester poinsettia? That’s comedy.
Comments:
Let’s all take note. Don’t piss this lady off or else it’ll come back to haunt us :-O
Comment by Chris Nolan.ca — Monday, September 26, 2005 @ 4:04 pm
i hope you have someone standing by witha camera to catch that moment!
Comment by c’lam — Monday, September 26, 2005 @ 5:14 pm
Ah, Chris, it’s true. I can hold a grudge longer than God. And c’lam, it’s always good to get revenge on camera, isn’t it? I’m hoping that the lovely Lady Marianna will have an opportunity to snap a quick shot of the poinsettia and its new (rightful) owners. I also hope that the poinsettia makes an appearance in the happy couple’s Christmas card this year! I’ll keep you all posted.
Comment by Rose — Monday, September 26, 2005 @ 5:46 pm
I love a person with a long memory for payback–it reminds me of myself! I don’t even know the girl and I wish I could see her face when she unwraps it.–Lol
Comment by Leo — Monday, September 26, 2005 @ 9:22 pm
Oh that is classic! If you ever get your hands on the pic, please post for all your loyal readers to enjoy!
Comment by jen — Tuesday, September 27, 2005 @ 8:36 am
Your card to C has arrived. Your readers have made my mission clear. I will do everything within my power to get a pic of this historic/hilarious event.
Comment by Lady Marianna — Wednesday, September 28, 2005 @ 9:07 pm
Thanks for accepting the mission, Lady M! We all look forward to seeing the results.
Comment by Rose — Wednesday, September 28, 2005 @ 9:31 pm
Hello! I was pointed this way at the aforementioned joyous occasion. As a witness to the event, I can confirm that the flower gift was subtle and confusing, and a nice balance between all the pottery and powertools.
Comment by marni — Monday, October 3, 2005 @ 4:14 am
Marni! Thanks for the update! Fantastic.
Comment by Rose — Monday, October 3, 2005 @ 1:40 pm