So my good friends Sapa and Chdu became parents yesterday!! After months of bedrest and hospital hijinks, Sapa delivered 10 lbs of twins. 20 fingers! 20 toes! Breathing on their own! Both boys! And now, before Sapa’s really recovered, is the time for us to supply her with some KILLER baby names. Below are my suggestions - feel free to add your own!
The Irish Rovers: Call the babies Finnegan and Fergus. Dress them only in wee tartans.
The Salute to Old Hollywood: Call the babies Rock and Hudson. Always dress them a little TOO nicely.
The Down South: Call the babies Billy Bob and Jilly Bill. Encourage mullets and instead of teaching them “dog” and “cat", teach them that all animals should be referred to as “gators".
The 90210: Dylan and Brandon were LIKE brothers. Now they really CAN be! But maintaining one kid’s Luke Perry eyebrow could be time consuming.
The Outer Space: Call the babies Jean Luc and Worf. Teach one of them French and the other Klingon. Don’t let them read any slash fiction. 
The Ivy Leaguers: Call the babies Prescott and Fussy (but pronounce it “Few-SAY"). Dress ‘em in those baby “Harvard” sweatshirts. Fill their rattles with loonies.
The Romantic Poets: Call the babies Blake and Byron. Get the one kid a stuffed tyger, tyger, burning bright. Encourage nature-worshipping pantheism and puffy shirts.
The Day Time Drama: Call the babies Brick and Victor. Don’t let EITHER baby fall into a well - they may come out looking like a completely different actor.
The Rimers of Eldrige: Any two names that rhyme. Paul & Saul, Mike & Ike, Mark & Ozark, - you get the idea. BUT when giving rhyming names, remember that the kids’ middle names should NOT rhyme. But they SHOULD be Latin. Mark Titus and his brother, Ozark Andronicus - has a nice ring to it, hey? Hey?
Name warnings: DON’T name one kid Tikki Tikki Tembo No Sa Rembo Chari Bari Ruchi Pip Perry Pembo. Those of us who read that book as kids remember that it didn’t go so well and people who haven’t read the book will just be confused by your kid’s name.
Comments:
I thought one of them had to be named Collin!
Comment by Queen Katicus — Friday, August 19, 2005 @ 8:25 pm
No, no . . . twin dachsunds should be called “Colin". Or one could be Colin and the other could be “Firth".
Comment by Rose — Friday, August 19, 2005 @ 8:28 pm
I keep referring people to the UTAH BABY NAMER at http://www.wesclark.com/ubn/ when it comes time to name the small fry, and then every time I look myself, I realize afresh that they are not actually kidding, and would probably think it charming if the twin boys were named Waynard
and Welcome Exile, or Quejah and Questin. And here’s a site with the most popular names, which should probably be avoided due to their popularity, unlike the Utah baby names: http://www.ssa.gov/OACT/babynames/
Comment by Chezza — Friday, August 19, 2005 @ 9:11 pm
Oh my god, Chezza, I checked out those Utah baby names and they were HORRIBLE - yet I couldn’t look away. Those poor, helpless kids . .
Comment by Rose — Monday, August 22, 2005 @ 11:03 pm