Creampuff Confessional

So I don’t know if you’ve heard, but Pope John Paul II took the long, richly-robed dirt nap this past weekend and all you hear on the t.v. and the radio is people talking about how he touched their lives and inspired them to “be the light". JPII’s been the pope since I was 3, so when I ask an obvious question and someone answers “Does the Pope shit in the woods?", JPII’s the pope I think of. We had many similarities, the Pope and I - we were both pasty white people, we both believe that all of the world’s religions should just get along and we were both playwrights (slightly different subject matter, obviously. Although I did write that play about a nun one time. Well, a lesbian nun and there was girl on girl action in the play, but still - nuns are Catholic. Like the Pope.) It may surprise you to learn, however, that the similarities end there.

I wish I had a good “meeting the Pope” story to share, but I don’t, so here’s my version of Padu’s instead. I don’t remember all the details, but then, neither does he, ‘cause he was 7 at the time.

The Pope was visiting Canada in the year of our Lord 1982 and Padu’s parents, devout Catholics at the time, went out to Lac St. Anne (I think) with all of the other faithful to catch a glimpse of His Holiness. There was camping involved, which Padu likely did not enjoy, but his parents had found them an ace spot on the Pope’s route so that the kids could see the Pope (or Il Papa, for the multilingual among you) go by in his Pope-mobile. The excitement was infectious and little Padu was very worked up about seeing the Pope. But just as the Pope was about to roll into view, a Polish nun pushed Padu roughly aside and claimed his place on the sidelines, shouting to the Pope in Polish, just to prove how COOL and POLISH she was. A mere few feet from the Pope, Padu was forced to spend his precious potential Pope-viewing time completely blinded by SOME NUN’S ASS IN HIS FACE. No wonder he turned out gay.

Anyway - in the spirit of such online resources as CNN and the Toronto Star, I invite you to comment on Pope John Paul II’s life and death - how his anti-war stance or religious inclusivity inspired you and/or how his constant shitting on women’s rights, gays in general and potentially life-saving condom use in Africa appalled you.

As for me - I thought I was experiencing JPII’s first church-mandated miracle yesterday morning when I detected the image of Mary, Mother of God, on my grilled cheese at Fire on the East Side. It turned out to be Mary Stuart Masterson instead. I was disappointed at first, but rallied quickly. Mary Stuart Masterson is a FOX.

Comments:

1. Amen, sister! Let’s not forget how backward and authoritarian this guy was just because he died. Oh, and the Polish nun had a big Polish FLAG which she unfurled at the moment of truth. A big flag which blinded us all from the Pope’s view. I love you Roro.

   Comment by Padu — Monday, April 4, 2005

2. Oh my god, the FLAG. How could I forget the Polish flag?? That’s, like, the best part! Thanks, Padu. And hey - I love you too! Even if the Pope thought you were an irredeemable sinner.

   Comment by Rose — Monday, April 4, 2005

3. Good lord, If I have to see another G.D, picture of that embalmed mofo I’m gonna hurl. Love the polish nun story. See - there was a reason he had to die. It was so that I could hear this story and LAUGH.

   Comment by E-dawg — Tuesday, April 5, 2005