Creampuff Revolution

Creampuff Apologizes for Truffleus Interruptus

I've been quite pleased with my rate of posting the last week or two - smug even. A post nearly every day? Suck it, NaBloPoMo! And then . . . came then.

We took on a new client late last week and they needed some stuff done fast. We promised we could deliver pure internet GOLD (and we are) but it means that we're working into the wee hours and getting up again before the wee hours are fully grown. We haven't cleaned the kitchen since Sunday, the dog keeps making sad, lonely noises and most importantly (and perhaps shockingly), we HAVEN'T HAD TRUFFLES IN DAYS.

That's right - I haven't been holding out on you. We have not had the time to savour our wedding truffles since Sunday.

We're getting a little punchy.

I feel like I'm back in university, studying for finals or finishing an overdue paper, awash with coffee, trying to keep a lid on the heartburn, wondering who's humming that annoying song and then realizing it's ME. Oh, and speaking of songs - have you ever had it happen where you really enjoy listening to a song but the singer is a little muffled or has an accent and so you only catch a few of the lyrics and it's not until you've heard it 12 or 15 times in three days that you look it up online and realize the slightly mournful song you've been enjoying is actually about some poor woman getting terrorized then murdered by a prowler at night?  Yeah. Me too.

On the plus side, the stuff we're working on is about Halloween costumes. Fun! And a lot of them look like this:

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaah!! That's right. Shiver me timbers! I hope I don't get a rash.

Creampuff Says "Wha...?"

I've been doing some knitting lately, but it's all mystery knitting, because it's that time of year. The time for mystery knitting. I was choked, because posting pictures of my amateurish knitting always fills me with a sense of accomplishment but we all know that the first rule of mystery knitting is that you can't post photos of it on your blog. But then - in a flash! - I remembered I DID have some unposted knitting pictures nestled in my inbox. And so, I share them with you.

Lidy's Hat

I knit this cotton hat for little Lidy before he was born and then totally didn't mail it (as Sparkles can attest, I'm ass at mail). So when we were in Toronto in August, I brought it with me and we gleefully and sneakily dropped it off on Lidy's mom Lupa's porch, like fat fairies.

Time passed and I heard naught of the hat from Lupa, which was very unlike her. As it turns out, she got the hat but was confused over who had left the gift bag on the porch (our signatures were poor and her neighbour has the same first name as Katr). Once we figured it out, though, she gave ME a gift - these HILARIOUS PICTURES of her adorable son in the hat.

Oh my god, Lidy. That's the look I have on MY face most of the time. A sort of "Wha . . .?" look.  Except I don't have the "I'm a baby in a fetching hat getting my picture taken" excuse.

And then this is the look I have after I realize I have a "Wha...?" look on my face and then I think "Homo says what?" and laugh at my own joke. Ah, good times.

Because I can't resist, here's a close up of some mystery knitting. Just a close up. I'M NOT SAYING WHAT IT IS.

And finally, the reason we're all here . . . today's truffles.

Cassis * Silky dark chocolate ganache paired with a thin layer of cassis. (This truffle put the "ass" in "cassis". But in a good way. The way that Gina Torres puts the "happy" in my "pants".)

Vanilla * Dark chocolate ganache scented with Tahitian vanilla (I feel like Thomas Haas has some kind of Tahitian connection. The truffle was, naturally, delicious, but the artwork on it was the real attraction.)

Creampuff Can't Believe She's Missing Pie Season

There are many things I miss about Toronto. Pie in the Sky is one of them. When you buy an incredible gourmet Thanksgiving pie for $35, you'll be providing 10 meals for someone living with AIDS who may not otherwise have adequate nutrition. Which reminds me, I should check to see if there's a Vancouver equivalent of this awesome initiative. Mountain of Pie? Pie by the Sea? Oh, wait - Pot Pie.

I posted about Pie in the Sky last year and am very choked that I'm not in Toronto this fall to take advantage of it. But if you are interested in delicious pie AND helping people living with HIV, get in touch ASAP with my good friend and top pie peddler Charles (charles[dot]pavia@gmail[dot]com). He'll give you all the details and set you up with your choice of apple or pumpkin. Or BOTH. It looks like you can also order online this year. Aces!

I suppose it's just as well I can't get in on the pie. Katr, Emmy Lou, my brother and I have a 9 hour road trip to the family Thanksgiving this year and I doubt any pie would make it. That's why we're bringing booze instead.

In lieu of pie, I can console myself with truffles.

Today's truffles:

Banana * Silky dark chocolate ganache paired with a thin layer of banana (As I sighed in satisfaction over the perfect balance between the dark chocolate and the surprisingly delicate banana, I felt a flurry of activity near the floor. I looked down. There was a monkey humping my leg. Jesus Christ, monkey! Get your own Banana truffle!)

Exotic * Soft caramel with passionfruit, mango and banana (Yes, yes, another delicious and unusual truffle, the caramel was like the warm arms of a lover who'd bathed in all the sale stock at the Body Shop and the monkey went wild for it. But see how Katr showed me how to use the macro settings on my camera properly?? Yeeeeeeeaaaaaah!!!)

Parallel Universe Creampuff

Inspired by this hilarious post at Syd's, I started wondering who I'D be in a parallel universe:

*Carmelite nun who hopes I'm not pregnant - again (fingers crossed, eyes to Jesus)

*Bingo-lover

*Phys ed teacher who advises injured students to "offer it up"

*keeps getting turned down for Survivor (have hot bod, but won't compete unless I can wear my full habit)

*Meth user

*internationally acclaimed bonsai gardener

*chocolate hater

So, uh . . . how about you?

Today's truffles:

Jamaican Rum * Milk chocolate ganache with Jamaican rum rolled in extra dark cocoa and sugar for a delightful crunch (Made me want to toss my dreadlocks back and make sweet love with a Bob Marley soundtrack)

Passion Fruit & Tahitian Vanilla * White chocolate ganache blended with fresh passion fruit, vanilla beans from Tahiti and a splash of Vodka (Oddly pretentious. Thought it was better than me. Sure, it was right, but did it have to take that TONE?)

Creampuff Solves Age-Old Mystery

I've been spending more time than usual thinking about hairstyles lately, while I try and figure out how to dress my increasingly mullet-like locks for the big gay wedding. Up? Down? Uh . . . that's it, up or down I guess. Sleek? Bushy? Like a helmet? Twinkling Christmas lights? I could go on. So I've been paying more attention to people's hairstyles lately and I came across one yesterday that caught my eye.

The owner of the hairstyle was wearing a fancy pair of jeans and a kicky cardigan. The cheerful spring in her step didn't really seem to fit in with the regular crowd at the Ivanhoe Pub, where she appeared to be headed. Her long, permed, honey brown hair was up in a strangely elaborate half-ponytail. 

I wasn't wearing my glasses, so I edged a little closer to see if I could figure out what styling trick she had employed to achieve her unusual look. I got within a few feet of the back of her head and took a good gander.  What had she . . . waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaait a minute.

That's when I realized she wasn't sporting a fancy do. She had simply put her hair up with one of these:

GAH.

I was, in times gone by, quite a devotee of the scrunchy (and so were you - so zip it) but I always wondered who the hell would buy a scrunchy made of obviously plastic hair. And today, that mystery was was solved, as so many mysteries are, by a lady outside the Ivanhoe Pub. Thank you, mysterious stranger. Thank you. I will rest easy tonight.

Today's truffles:

Passion Fruit * Silky dark chocolate ganache paired with a thin layer of passion fruit and Tahitian vanilla. (This truffle was so pretty I almost couldn't eat it. ALMOST. The passion fruit held the Tahitian vanilla hostage. The Tahitian vanilla was breathless . . . and aroused.)

Vanilla Fleur de Sel * Creamy caramel with Tahitian vanilla infused and a touch of Fleur de Sel (sea salt from Brittany) (Mmmmmm. And now that I know what "fleur de sel" is, I'm going to start using it more in every day conversation, like when I order my sandwich at Subway. "Could I get a dash of sub sauce and some fleur de sel on that? Wicked.")

Dog Has Inherited Creampuff's Spacial Relations Issues

Before the dog came to live with us, we went and bought her a cute bed.

This bed was about 3/4 the size of the dog, as it turns out, because I am a doofus and could not accurately remember the size of the dog. Emmy curls up on the bed, but sometimes she likes to sack out sideways and ends up with ham hock legs hanging off one side and her sweet mushy face pressed into the floor. Sure, it's hilarious - but it can't be comfortable.

So a couple of weeks ago, Katr and I went to the pet store to buy the pooch a more size-appropriate bed. As you can see from the relative size of the bed to the duck, this bone bed is much bigger.

The bone was also so fluffy that it stood nearly a foot high; Emmy no likee. So Katr and I put in on the couch and sat our goddess-like behinds on it for a few days to pack it down. Then we lured Emmy Lou onto her new bed with tiny bits of chicken sausage. And eventually she decided that it would be okay to sleep on it.

Good dog.

Today's truffles: (and why can't I take a photo of these that's in focus?? I have the effin' macro setting on and everything!! What's wrong with me??)

Espresso with Amaretto di Saronno * Dark chocolate ganache infused with espresso coffee beans and Amaretto di Saronno, dipped in crystal sugar (The jaunty crystal sugar hat says "I'm not that kind of girl", but the espresso and Amaretto say "Yes, that IS my hand. And you like it there." and then you have no pants on.) 

Crispy Hazelnut * A perennial favourite, dark roasted crispy hazelnut praline and milk chocolate. (The word "crispy" really bothers me. I'll have to elaborate on that later. But the truffle was pretty great.)

Creampuff Has Nothing But Truffles

Merlot * Full bodied caramel and Merlot pairing with a tasteful play on sweetness and refreshing acidity. (I liked how on the outside, this truffle looks like a Dykes On Bikes helmet. Inside - interesting. Katr, who hates Merlot and dislikes caramel, summed it up with "Fucking Merlot strikes again.")

Pink Grapefruit with Campari * White chocolate ganache blended with a cocktail of pink grapefruit juice and Campari. (Sure, it looked like an albino's left nut, but this thing was am-fucking-brosial.)

Creampuff Buzz

Emmy Lou has decided that fall is her favourite time of year. She likes the piles of leaves to root around in; she likes the extra treating-carrying capability afforded by my fall jacket and she especially loves to charge at big groups of migrating Canadian geese near the muddy watering hole in the park.

For the last couple of weeks, any trip to the park has resulted in some kind of goose/shar pei mêlée. The dog gallops joyfully into the fray, her plump ham hock legs a-quiver as she scatters those majestic birds and trots triumphantly to the edge of the dirty puddle to drink from it and whiz near it.

Emmy Lou is a braver soul than I. You may recall my last close encounter with Canada geese at the tail end of my lauded sea lion appreciation video in February. I like to give the geese lots of room to move, which is why I tend to hover a good 40 feet away from the flock and enjoy Emmy's interactions with them from a distance.

Today was no different than any other - Emmy led me on a merry chase through the on-leash community garden part of the park, emerging across the street from the Animal Control office, where on-strike workers watched me try to wrangle my dog out from under a rusty bicycle frame. Lucky they don't hand out fines for calling your dog a "dumb ass". Untangled, we ventured onto the field, where I spied the geese. We split up at this point, Emmy heading towards the birds and me headed towards the baseball diamond, where I knew she would eventually join me for a liver snap and some affection. I watched her charge the geese with gusto on her way to the watering hole but was slightly disturbed to notice that the geese didn't seem concerned. In fact, aside from some prefunctory scattering, they pretty much stood their ground. Then, one of them honked and took a step towards Emmy. Then the others followed suit. Seconds later, Emmy looked up from her drink to find herself completely surrounded by belligerent fowl.

Emmy's no fool. One bird, maybe she could take. But there was no way she was going to win against NINE of them. Quick-thinking, she distracted them by shaking the water from her jowls and then taking off at a run towards me.

The geese RAN AFTER HER.

Emmy picked up speed.

The geese sped up too and then took to the air. "The air" being about four feet off ground. I froze as they zoomed towards me, honking angrily and flapping. The following went through my head.

What do I do? Duck? Ha ha - duck duck goose. Man, I hated that game when I was a kid. Especially when my brother played and we had to remind him that he couldn't just keep saying "duck, duck, duck" for an hour, at SOME point he would eventually have to say "goo -"

At that point, my musings were interrupted as Emmy whipped by me into the dugout and I nearly lost an eye while being buzzed by a flock low-flying geese.

About ten minutes into the walk home, I felt something spiny pressing against my neck. I rooted around in my jacket and pulled out the offending article. It was a feather. Fucking geese.

Today's truffle porn:

Raspberry (on the right) - Silky dark chocolate ganache paired with a thin layer of pure raspberry. (It was like the Raspberry Fairy was wearing a chocolate bra and rubbed her boobs on my tongue)

Jamaican Rum (not shown because my camera is out of batteries) - Milk chocolate ganache with Jamaican rum rolled in extra dark cocoa and sugar for a delightful crunch (The dog was so disgusted with our groans of delight that she had to leave the room and lick her crotch in the hall)

Creampuff Wedding Bounty

Warning: This is a post about big gay wedding things. If you hate weddings and think they are lame, maybe skip this. Or just drool over the pictures below.

Ever since my beaverancée and I got engayged, folks have been asking us three things about our upcoming Gay Wedding Cabaret and Topiary Festival:

1. Who's the man? (Me, I am the man, because I will be wearing pants.)

2. What are you wearing? (Actually, as it turns out, I'm wearing a dress. NOW who's the man??)

3. Where are you registered?

The whole idea of a wedding registry seemed challenging for us. We've lived together for four and a half years and have all the kitchen gadgets and towels that we need. The truth is, the fact that people are coming from near and far to celebrate our big gay wedding with us seems like the greatest gift we could ask for, so that's what I told people. And then they would say "Aw, that's so sweet! No seriously - where are you registered?"

So we thought long and hard about what to register for, because I had a sense that Kate's standard answer of "We'd like that set of $200.00 HD cables from Best Buy" wasn't going to fly with my relatives. And that's when we decided that the gift we'd most like for our November wedding was to go and have a fat lesbian honeymoon afterwards! Yeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaah!! And because the internet is a beautiful, bountiful place, we found a cool way to register for our honeymoon at a great little site called BuyOurHoneymoon.com.

I have to say, I fucking love this idea. You can customize your wish list and register for everything from deeply romantic honeymoon experiences to hepatitis vaccinations to sock yarn. And Shelley and Andrew Green, the couple who created and run it, are fantastic and helpful. I highly recommend it to anyone who's getting hitched but doesn't need china.

Some people, however, like young Melissa, prefer to go "off registry" for gifts. And so it came to pass that a package from Thomas Haas Chocolates arrived at our door yesterday. We swooned immediately upon opening it. But before we opened the case, we took a photo. Because we are geeks.

Please excuse the blurry photos. My hands were shaking with excitement.

Surely it can't - surely there can't be . . . TWO LAYERS??

Oh my holy Jesus, Melissa. Thank you. I . . . thank you.

So . . . that's a lot of truffles, folks. If we eat two of them a day, they'll last for nearly three weeks. Which is perfect, because it says on the box that they're good for three weeks. I will be reporting on the truffles on a daily basis; partly because I know some of you will be curious and partly because it's three weeks into September and this is my first post of the month and it's embarassing.

And so, the first two truffles:

Blackberry Honey * Smooth milk chocolate ganache laced with blackberry honey. (Delicate and sweet and heady - like me)

Marc de Champagne * Milk chocolate ganache perfumed with Champagne and Eau de Vie from Champagne grapes. (Tingled in my nether region)