Creampuff Revolution

Creampuff Must Rethink Craigslist Strategy

Last week, I put this ad up on Craigslist. 

About an hour after I posted, I got a response.

"WOULD LIKE TO BUY. COLLEEN."

That was it.

Well...not everyone appreciates my rapier Craigslist wit. As per my strict "first come, first served" policy, I replied to Colleen and asked her when she wanted to pick it up.

"SATURDAY MORNING."

I told her that Saturday morning was fine, if she could get here by 9:30 a.m. because we had a social engagement (our lovely friend and houseguest Mome was taking us out for brunch and no one gets in the way of my goddamn brunch).

"SATURDAY 9:30 A.M. [Insert phone number here]."

I only give out our address to a Craigslist buyer once we've fixed a time to meet - and Colleen had also sent her phone number. So I gave her our address.

Fast forward to Saturday morning at 9:30,when Colleen fails to show up. I give her 15 minutes of leeway and then call her.

I get her voicemail which was, no joke, just someone grunting "COLLEEN" into the phone and then a beep.

Aw, BALLSACK.

I never used to have to worry about this shit when I lived in a building but now that we live in a house-like structure, in a neighbourhood where break-ins aren't unusual, I'm a lot more paranoid. Suddenly, I was pretty sure that Colleen was lying in wait for us to leave so that she could burgle my abode.

We briefly futzed around, waffling between just leaving the ottoman outdoors and hoping Colleen would leave the money in the mailbox and then angrily bringing the ottoman back indoors because I WANT MY TWENTY DOLLARS. 

Katr, Mome, Emmy Lou and I sat there in the car, torn. I really didn't want to get robbed...but I also REALLY wanted brunch.

"I guess I could just make brunch at home," I said in a martyr-like manner. Then Katr goes "Or we could just leave the dog behind."

My wife is a genius. An intruder would have to be very committed to try and rob our house with Emmy Lou in it. Because Emmy Lou is a loud, throaty barker. She barks at everyone who comes in the gate. She is awesome at it. She thinks it is her job. And on Saturday, IT WAS.

Thanks to Emmy Lou, we not only went to brunch with untroubled hearts, but also drove downtown to Mome's favourite Transylvanian bakery for nuga cake and to Commercial Drive so that I could grab a birthday present for my brother. And when we got home, Emmy was there, barking her fuzzy little head off. What a good dog. Good dog, Emmy. 

Colleen never called back or emailed.

This incident has caused me to reexamine my first come, first served Craigslist policy. Sometimes it works out great - but now that I think about it, there have been several times where the first person to respond doesn't ultimately end up being the buyer, because they're impulsively replying to Craigslist ads and don't have their shit together.

I got a second response to the ad about a day after first hearing from Colleen, which read, in part:

"I would like to purchase the ottoman, I do have a cat and I think he would quite enjoy it!"

The email also included the buyer's cell number and a firm offer to come pick up. And, mere hours after Colleen stood us up, Theresa showed up and bought our ottoman. She reports that her cat is LOVIN' it.

So I'm revising my Craigslist policy:

1. Buyer must comment on how funny my ad was or make a funny comment themselves or at least include a salutation in their email.
2. Buyer must indicate that they have an actual plan to pick up. Bonus points for using a phrase like "firm pick up" or "my husband has a truck and will pick up"
3. ALL CAPS MEANS NO OTTOMAN FOR YOU.

Anyway - Colleen, I hope you're okay and that nothing horrible happened to you. And if nothing horrible happened to you, I think it was pretty douchey of you to stand us up.

Creampuff Pretty Much the Oldest Nerd at the Book Signing

As you may recall, last Tuesday, I nerdishly lined up to buy Clockwork Princess - THIS Tuesday, I nerdishly lined up to get my book signed by the author Cassandra Clare ZOMG SQUEE. 

The book signing was at 6 p.m., and I couldn't get there until around 4 p.m.. I saw on the Twitter that the first person in line showed up at 7:30 a.m. (FOR REAL) and my heart was gripped with fear. 

By the time I arrived, the line was so long and winding that I couldn't figure out where it started or ended.

A bemused elderly Chapters employee had to lead me through the History, Fiction and Travel sections before depositing me in the Young Adult section, with a table full of Twilight and lot of very young adults, one of whom had to show Old Lady Rowe how to put on her wristband. 

Being at the back of the line blows, BUT *I* didn't have to stay there, because last week I made three AWESOME LINE-UP FRIENDS (Star Trek names for their protection = Fafe, Nicz and Tesc). After a flurry of texting, I discovered that Nicz and Fafe were further up in the line, in the Health and Wellness section and I got to go join them. HA ha! See you later, Young Adult suckas!

Speaking of Young Adult, I made sure to finish Clockwork Princess (So. Many. Feels.) before going to this signing, so that I wouldn't be spoiled on anything, only to discover that a lot of other people HADN'T finished the book so we were encouraged to keep our voices down when discussing what happened in the book.

I was like OMG, YOU LAZY FUCKS, YOU HAD A WHOLE WEEK! Fortunately, I only said that in my head, because the woman in line behind us explained that she let her tween daughter read the book first and that's why she was just a third of the way done and I felt bad for almost calling everyone who hadn't read the book a lazy fuck. Still, it kind of put a damper on the "What did you think about the part where ---" discussions I'd been looking forward to. Clearly, I'll have to find a good nerdly forum somewhere to air my feelings about the ending.

Speaking of books one hasn't read - Cassandra Clare was not the only author at this event. Totally hilarious and delightful YA author Sarah Rees Brennan was also there. I'd never read any of her books, but two of my lineup friends were all "Yeah yeah, Cassie Clare but OMG, SARAH REES BRENNAN, I'M GOING TO CRY!!!", so I bought The Demon's Lexicon as well, on their recommendation. And FYI, am very much enjoying it.

Tesc and Nicz dressed up for the occasion:

Some Shadowhunter runes...and a Team Nick costume I don't yet understand, but I'm assured all will be clear when I finish The Demon's Lexicon.

Fafe and I did not, because cos play is not mandatory. However, when in Nerd Rome...you MUST have your picture taken with the Chapters Will and Tessa costumed book characters:

The guy on the right is actually the Chapters employee who sold me my copy of Clockwork Princess. I hope these two very sweet people got paid extra for being groped by crazed book nerds all ding dong night. They were lovely.

After nearly two hours in line, the seating process began and thank god for Nicz, who lined up at 3 p.m., thus ensuring that we all managed to get seats for the Q&A (we were, in fact, almost the last 4 people to get seats and felt very smug). 

Katr found this photo of me on Twitter - hahahahahahahaha

There was a really good DJ. We did a lot of chair dancing.

There was a super sexy City of Bones movie poster, so we all took Tesc's photo next to it.

Then there was a lot of screaming, because the authors arrived.

Necz nearly DIED because Sarah Rees Brennan came out in the audience and STOOD. RIGHT. NEXT. TO HER.

Nerds had a lot of questions.

If you are so inclined, you can watch the whole Q&A here. Both Cassandra Clare and Sarah Rees Brennan are hilarious and generous with their fans and it was really fun:

I want you to know that even though I was there for this live, I will probably watch the whole 30 minute video again.

Then, came the signing frenzy - which was actually very well organized. Which is good, because SOME people had brought a lot of books.

Hilariously, I have a whole whack of photos of me chatting to the super lovely Sarah Rees Brennan, whose books I have yet to read...

...and not a single one of the two brief seconds where Cassandra Clare signed my book (she was also super lovely - but literally, two seconds, because SO MANY PEOPLE BEHIND ME). Book signings...always leave you wanting more. Fortunately, afterward, there was bubble tea.

And now...signed books!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and this one:

Nerdaciousness = COMPLETE. For now...

Creampuff's Birthday Surprise

It was my birthday on Sunday. Back in January, Katr asked me what I wanted to do for my birthday and since last year was so spectacular, I said to surprise me! AND SHE DID.

Firstly, she kicked off my birthday month with this blond beauty:

If you're not a knitter, you don't give a shit about this thing. But to turn a skein of yarn into a ball (which you must do before beginning to knit), you usually have to wind it by hand and it can take a LONG time. It once took me 3 hours to wind a particularly fractious ball of silk lace and by the time I'd finished, I was too tired and sore to start knitting. Come to think of it, I've NEVER knit anything with that silk lace. See? Trauma.

This combo of gadgets allowed me to wind a skein into a ball in about 2 minutes.

Jealous??

I'm in love. Hat tip to fellow knitter Jebr for suggesting this particular ball winder and swift to Katr! Heh heh...yeah. Balls.

Next, Katr nurtured my latest obsession by getting me a subscription to the most hilarious magazine ever created: Village D-Lights, the magazine for Department 56 crazy super fans.

It's like your grandma writes this magazine and her friend Phyllis takes the pictures.  It is indeed a d-light and I can't get enough. Also, Katr got me a copy of Village D-Tails, a collector's guide, so that I can obsess over all the village pieces she'll now have to get for me on eBay. Score!

Then there was my birthday cake. Now, my ideal birthday cake is an ice cream cake from Baskin & Robbins. But there's no Baskin & Robbins here and Dairy Queen "cakes" are, frankly, ass. Finding a good reliable purveyor of cake here has been harder than it should be...but then, Katr discovered MANCAKES Bakery.

Here's what you need to know about MANCAKES:

• They are cupcakes made by men
• Those men will bring the cupcakes to your house
• The cupcakes are fucking delicious
• Okay, the Buffalo Wing flavour was a little weird, but the rest of them...AMAZING

Seriously, Vancouverites - MANCAKES Bakery. KNOW ABOUT THEM.

As for my actual birthday day - I thought it would be pretty hard for Katr to top last year. I could SAY I had no expectations, but that wouldn't be true - I sort of figured that after our glamourous downtown overnighter last year, she'd tone it down this year and maybe take me somewhere new for dinner.

And I figured she'd probably invite our friends Doai and Elai, because we often share birthday fun with them (not in a swinger way, YOU PERVS...just in a tasting menu/high tea kind of way). So I was kind of surprised and a little sad when they came by two days before my birthday to bring me a birthday gift because "they weren't going to see me on my birthday." Huh. Well, maybe they had other plans...or maybe Katr had something special planned for just the two of us! But WHAT?? Katr refused to divulge.

As my birthday dinnertime approached, we drove to Kitsilano (not to the Richmond IKEA, where Katr kept saying we were going for dinner) and pulled up in front of Hapa Izakaya, a Japanese restaurant we'd never been to. As we walked in, I saw that the place was full of lovely intimate booths for two and the hostess led us to our table...set for 12. WTF?

Well, it turns out that Katr had invited 10 of our friends to join us for dinner. And that all of those friends had known about this for MONTHS and hadn't said anything. And that Doai and Elai had brought me my present early simply to DEKE ME OUT so that I would be completely and totally surprised.

AND I WAS!!

HAHAHAHAAA!! 

So basically, Katr is SUPER awesome and hilarious and sweet and wonderful and everyone who came and got Sunday drunk with us is also super awesome and sweet and wonderful and even though it was three days ago, I still feel a little drunk. Because I drank A LOT. 'Cause those Hello Kitties go down smooth. And now that I'm older, I hold my liquor even more poorly. 

Creampuff Realizes It's 2013

Happy New Year! Since the world didn't end, I guess it's back to the blogging. I hope you all had lovely holidays, filled with family, friends, food and Furtles! 

We got a little more snow than usual this year and got to witness the hilarity of Vancouver drivers trying to maneuvre their ultimate driving machines through the drive-thru at the Tim Hortons. Sadly, we also had to go out driving in the snow to deliver our Presents of Peace to the family we sponsored through the YWCA. We were like two fat lady Santas, getting lost in blizzard-bound Coquitlam with Rudolf the Red Nosed Shar Pei in the back seat keeping us warm with her emissions. But, just like Santa, the gifts were delivered and then we had cookies! Generosity and white-knuckle driving was a great way to kick off the holidays.

Nobody here owns a shovel.

While I'm super bitter that the holidays have now ended, there is one thing that removes the sting: it's resolution time, guys!! Wooo! I LOVE making resolutions when the year is new and minty fresh. I realize that resolution-making has kind of fallen out of vogue among the hip and logical and to them I say YOU'RE DEAD INSIDE. It's a new YEAR!!!!!! Resolve, you cynical fuckos!

Emmy is very stern about resolution-making.

As is my wont, I've been reviewing last year's resolutions to see how I made out.

1. Bi-weekly Yoga. YES. With the exception of our Hawaii trip and also, this holiday, bi-weekly yoga has continued Chez Creampuff. IN FACT, for about half the year, I actually did yoga 5 - 6 times a week. This was because our teacher Jane made me start doing this move that made me want to barf every time and I had to start working on it outside of class. Well-played, Jane.

2. Sugar cleanse. SORT OF. One weekend this fall, Katr and I started a two-day cleanse where all we would eat were fruits and vegetables. The cleanse lasted about 8 hours. Then we had a fight and ordered from Pizza Hut.

3. Become a yoga douchebag who doesn't eat sugar. I was just kidding about this last year, but this year I am GOING FOR IT.

4. Pick something and fucking work on it. SORT OF. I fully picked something. But then I failed to work on it.

5. Weekly blogging. Well, this year was better than last year!! So...shut up. 

This year:

1. 5X Yoga. This does not mean that I'm going to do a full on yoga practice five times a week. I'M NOT AN ANIMAL. But I will get the mat out at least five times a week in hopes that by practising more often, my cries of "Ugh! Ballsack!" during our yoga lessons will diminish. I think Jane would like it if I quit screaming "Ballsack" during her class.

2. More thoughtful notes. Lately, when I've been thinking of someone fondly, or I've had a dream in which we go snorkeling together in Dubai, I've been sending a note to that person to let them know I've been thinking of them. It's nice and I'd like to do it more consistently. People should know when you're thinking of them fondly. But not fondle-ingly. That you should keep to yourself, unless you're married before the Lord.

3. Get up without making a noise. My mom was telling me the other day about how HER friend was telling her that they should practice getting out of chairs gracefully, because you can really tell how old someone is by how they struggle to get out of a chair. When I get out of a chair, I usually grunt "Awww fuckballs".

My mother is very lithe and fit, so getting out of a chair or off the couch isn't really a problem for her. You know who else this isn't a problem for? Jean Luc Picard of the USS Enterprise. That cat gets out of his captain's chair with great spirit and alacrity EVERY TIME. I would like to be more like Jean Luc Picard. Star Trek TNG is on Netflix now and we're halfway through Season 2.

4. Drink more tea. One of my solstice gifts this year was an amazing box of delicious herbal teas from the new big deal in teas, David's Tea (most boring name ever but the tea...so good). I have a bodum and I am ready to steep ALL YEAR. Today we tried Green & Fruity (very fruity) and Jessie's Tea (hints of coconut and lavender - I didn't mind it but Katr says NO).

5. Weekly blogging. I swear, this will be the year! Weekly blogging, not just blogging when my friend Jeba sends me an accusatory note via Facebook. Honestly, I know you guys don't give a wet shit if I blog more often, but since I'm too lazy to keep a diary, having an up to date blog is the only way I can keep track of the things I am mad about.

That's all I have so far...but the year is young! Are you resolutioning this year? Or do you think resolutions are for the weak?

 

 

A Creampuff Can Dream

When I saw this poster on Jennifer Saunders' Facebook page this morning, my heart leapt. Oh, if only it were real. I would be the first person in line, crying, with some kind of crazy fan poster. I love you, Dawn!!!!!11!!!!

Creampuff Kicks Off Her New Career

My utter and complete devotion to jam is well-known to my friends and should come as no surprise to any of you, who are keenly aware that I spend most of my eating life trying to find the most efficient way to acquire the diabeets.

Jam in all its forms is delightful to me - when my mom read the book Bread and Jam for Frances to me as a kid, I could never understand how Frances eventually got tired of her "all bread and jam" diet and finally went back to spaghetti. I assumed it was because she was a badger and not a human child.

It is surprising, then, that, given my devotion to jam and my worries over the coming zombie apocalpyse, I have never actually made MY OWN JAM. But all of that changed last week, when Sust, an expert in food preservation keen to pass on her skillz, took me out to Westham Island to get me started in my new career as a jam artisan. Now, here are some photos.

I love Sust because she doesn't fuck around. Sure, we went to a Bissett Berry Farms, a U-Pick Farm, but we had no intention of we-picking. Sust had called ahead to make sure there was a wide selection of "they-picked" fruit available for our jam project. So you can imagine our chagrin when we arrived and found that the farm had failed to update their voicemail and that the berries they had were not the berries we were looking for. 

"The tayberries are available for u-pick," the farm girl said brightly. "It's easy pickings out there, if it makes a difference. People are coming back with full boxes after only ten or twenty minutes!"

It was a beautiful day and I didn't know what tayberries were, so after some minor grumbling, Sust and I grabbed some boxes and headed out to the fields. 

This is what tayberries look like. Not shown - the extreme prickliness of the foliage. That was some prickly prickly shit.

This is what half an hour of "easy picking" looks like. Not shown - scratches, bug bites, sunburn, sweaty butt crack, juice stain under my boob in the shape of Elvis.

We returned triumphant to the little farm store and paid for the fruits of our labours...then bought a million pounds of pre-picked blueberries as well, before heading back out on the road.

At Emma Lea Farms, we each picked up a flat of raspberries and Sust bought even more blueberries and I bought a large number of cherries because they are awesome.

Then we stopped off at Westham Island Herb Farm, which was the cutest farm ever and I want to live there.

They didn't have berries for sale but who fucking cares DONKEYS

mini goats

FUZZY COW

Artfully arranged vintage farm implements

Love it.

After a delightful break for lunch during which former American Sust tried to explain to our perplexed waiter that "iced tea" should not contain sugar, we hit the Save-On and Canadian Tire for canning supplies. FUN!

Once Sust dropped me off at home, I wanted to lie down but berries were a-spoilin'! So I made like Ma Ingalls and got to picking over some berries. I did the tayberries first, because I'd found what looked like an awesome tayberry jam recipe on Chef Heidi Fink's site.

Here are the prepped tayberries on the stove.

Now, with sugar! At this point, I was ready to stop and just eat it as is, but I didn't want to waste all of Sust and Chef Heidi Fink's canning advice.

I brought the jam to a boil.

And then I stopped taking pictures because OH MY GOD, BOILING JAM, WHY ISN'T IT GELLING, SHOULDN'T IT BE GELLING, FUCKBALLS, WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS POT, WHY WON'T IT - WHY CAN'T I GET IT TO  - FUCK! FUCK! WHAT THE BALLS IS HAPPENING NOW WITH THIS GODDAMN MAGNETIZED LID LIFTER

Then the next day, I made raspberry. JAMS!!

The tayberry jam turned out very well - despite my initial gelling issues, it firmed up real nice. I used WAAAAAY less sugar in the raspberry batches, so it turned out a little looser but still real tasty. So I called it "compote". Because "raspberry sauce" sounds like you fucked it up but "raspberry compote" sounds deliberate. YOU'RE WELCOME.

 

 

 

May the Odds Be Ever in Creampuff's Favour

Well, you can all exhale. I've seen The Hunger Games and I'm ready to tell you all what I thought about it.

• Jennifer Lawrence is THE SHIT. I didn't find Katniss particularly likeable in the books but in Jennifer Lawrence's hands, she made a lot more sense to me.


• Also, Lenny Kravitz is a delight.


• I don't know the words for the "up-the-nostrils "constantly shuddering camera" style that the film was shot in. Sometimes, I really enjoyed that (particularly during some of the violence at the beginning of the Games). But other times, I was like JESUS CHRIST, STOP SHAKING THE CAMERA AND JUST SHOW ME WHAT IS ACTUALLY HAPPENING.


• In the movie, I didn't feel like you really got the sense of just how oppressed the people in the Districts were (or what goes on in the other Districts). I was expecting to see/hear a little more about that (as a lead up to the following two books). And I get why the whole Avox thing didn't really make it into the movie, as there wasn't a lot of time. But I think that a little more talk of the everyday menace of the Capitol would have been interesting.


• CONVERSELY, in the book, I didn't really get the true impact of the Capitol's obsession with the Games whereas in the movie, it really hit home that these fancy-wigged jag-offs were totally disconnected from the reality of the situation. That scene where Katniss and Peeta arrive on the train and the crowd goes wild was nuts. "Wooo! We're so excited to see you guys kill each other! What will I WEAR??" Awesome.


• Doesn't Rue's District send Katniss a gift in-game after she "buries" Rue? I missed that moment not being in the movie. But Rue was adorable.


• All the crazy stuff that takes place in the Games Room with Seneca and the game operators was super interesting and also, made the whole affair seem that much crueller and fucked up. Huzzah.


• I was glad they left out the whole "muttation" thing and just went with random evil dogs. The muttations really freaked me out in the book.


• I didn't really feel like Haymitch was as important or memorable in the movie the way he was in the book. But I kind of blame that on Woody Harrelson.

Overall, I really enjoyed it and look forward buying it and watching it over and over again while waiting for the next two films to come out. Fingers crossed for an extended cut! Wooo!

In the meantime, thanks to The Hunger Games, Katr and I have now found the perfect way to see blockbuster films in the theatre without the hassle of "other people" or "children". All it takes is a 20 minute drive to Coquitlam at noon on a Wednesday and an extra $5 for your ticket to the 19+ VIP theatres. HAHAHAHAHAAA!!

Aw, we felt like jerks until we got in there and saw the huge screen and extra comfy seats and also, seat service. It was like seeing The Hunger Games in Business Class. Maybe you can join us next time! Just don't sit too close.

 

Ding dong - the skunk habitat is gone

As some of you may recall, the abandoned house next door has been the cause of some anxiety, mainly around the skunk and how it lived there.

Since Emmy Lou was pwned by the skunk, we haven't had a problem with it coming into our yard but I would still smell it out and about from time to time. Skunks don't hibernate but they are less active in the winter, so as spring slowly thought about approaching, I started to get a little more anxious about the stank which the warm weather might bring back into our lives.

Until yesterday.

Our neighbourhood is a bit of a construction zone at the moment - they bulldozed an abandoned house just down the alley from us a few weeks ago and last month, the house kitty-corner to ours caught fire and is in the process of being "restored" by "restoration experts" who "smoke pot" on their "lunch hour" near "my dog". 

So when yet another large piece of construction equipment showed up, I didn't really notice - until it started to feel as if a giant was stomping on the abandoned house next door. OMG - was a giant stomping on the house next door?? Or was the development that we heard about from the city last summer finally about to begin??

It turns out it wasn't a giant. I beetled out with the dog and became the weirdo who records 20 minutes of not very interesting footage of the house next door being slowly chewed up by a large, T-Rex-like machine.

Here's the house before it got eaten by a giant orange machine:

And here it is after day of debris clearing:

We work from home and so obviously, the fact that there's going to be a huge amount of construction next door for months and months sucks a lot of wang. But on the other hand FUCK YOU SKUNK!!!!!! YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!

I learned to use iMovie to commemorate this occasion. I hope you enjoy my stellar camera work.

 

Creampuff's Fuddy Duddyism Rewarded

As some of you may recall, my MIND WAS BLOWN a few years back when the Edmonton Public Library tweeted me about a book called Ultimate Porno. Since then, I like to think I'm hip to the ways of the internet and their ability to comment on experiences I've made public, yet still consider somehow to be private - but sometimes, the magic of the internet still surprises and thrills me.

Behold.

I posted last week about MY AWESOME BIRTHDAY TRIP and how it was awesome. I also briefly mentioned the annoying frat kids in the pool...but only briefly, because the rest of the weekend deserved a lot more attention.

While I devoted very little copy space to the frat kids in my blog post, I spent a lot more time on it in my Trip Advisor review, which I faithfully wrote upon our return. Here is the paragraph in question if you're too lazy to click:

My ONLY complaint had nothing to do with the hotel itself - a huge group of rowdy, heavily drinking fraternity kids from Seattle were at the hotel preparing for a booze cruise (because the drinking age in BC is only 19! Wooo! Chug chug chug! OMG, I'm gonna barf!) and they completely took over the outdoor pool and hot tub for a few hours, making it uncomfortable for the few guests (us, another couple) who were there for a quiet swim and who really really wanted a few minutes in the hot tub. Hotel security came out at one point to tell them no alcohol at the pool, but that just made them sneakier. 

Again, totally not the hotel's fault that their pool was invaded by Girls Gone Wild: Vancouver Edition, but it was still annoying.

I LOVE Trip Advisor - for months before Katr and I go anywhere, we spend untold hours perusing the Trip Advisor reviews for every juicy detail (good or bad) about where we might be headed. Because I appreciate reading good, detailed reviews, I try to write detailed reviews as well - it's my way of giving back.

A couple of days ago, Katr got a voicemail on her cellphone from someone at the Pan Pacific, apologizing for the "Ladies...I tentatively use that term" in the pool on the weekend and asking if Katr would please call her back. Baffled, Katr turned to me. 

Katr: How did they know about that?

Me: Ooooh. Well...probably from my Trip Advisor review.

Katr: But how did they figure out to call ME?

Me: Ooooh. Because our room was great? And I included the room number in the review? So that other travellers might experience the room 1910 glory?

Katr: I see. 

Katr suggested that *I* call the Pan Pacific back, since I was the one who *started it*. And that's how I ended up talking to KaPo at the Pan Pacific, who was HILARIOUS.

I got the full scoop on the frat kids - how, after their booze cruise, they managed to break a glass in the pool, which meant the hotel had to drain the pool. Those asshats ruined swimming for EVERYONE! We commiserated over how, in our day, we wouldn't have been staying at 5-star hotels for our teen drunk fests - we'd just go to our local "swimming hole". I also laughed (she didn't) over the previous Trip Advisor review of the Pan Pacific, which is entitled "I slept in someone else's vomit". Frat kids strike again!

Then she offered Katr and I passes to the Pan Pacific's mostly-weekly Opera Buffet, which sounds divine. Thanks, Pan Pacific! We are always ready for hot opera action.

It's funny - I sometimes feel like I missed out on those carefree days of drunken Spring Break-style buffoonery that seem to be a common element in most people's lives. But then I remember that even as a young person, I was a huge square. And I feel very fortunate to have found a lot of other squares to hang out with. Thanks, fellow squares!  

Creampuff Whisked Away

When I was kid, I used to drive my parents crazy around Christmas. They would ask me what I wanted from Santa and I would say "A surprise!"

Because I was a sly and devious child (no, really...I *thought* I was a real mastermind in several areas, such as "It wasn't me, my brother did it" and "I don't know why there's chocolate all over my face"), my parents naturally assumed that I was testing the veracity of Santa by making sure to only tell the "real" Santa (a.k.a. the Santa at the mall) what I wanted for Christmas. I admit, that would be a sly and devious plan - IF I'D THOUGHT OF IT. The reality is that I did not have a burning need for anything in particular and also, I just really liked to be surprised.

Fast forward to my birthday last week. When Katr asked me what I wanted for my birthday, I said "A surprise!" Fortunately, she took me at face value and didn't have to follow me up to the throne and try to listen in as I whispered my birthday wishes to Santa. So she got to work planning what turned out to be a magical birthday weekend of awesomeness.

I like surprises, but Katr has a hard time keeping secrets, which is why she gave me the iPad DODOcase (embossed with my initials!) she got me for my birthday two weeks early:

But she managed to keep my actual birthday plans a secret until a couple of days before, when she informed me that I needed to cut a cheque to our pal and all-around Gal Friday, Boka.

"Why?" sez I.

"Because she will be watching Emmy Lou this weekend," says Katr.

I instantly strain my neck by whipping my hair back and forth in the manner of Willow Smith.

Then, while I applied a cold compress to my neck, she also informed me that the weekend would include:

• Bathing suits
• One fancy outfit
• One "lounging around" outfit

I was overcome with excitement. I LOVE swimming. I LOVE fancy outfits, because usually when you're wearing a fancy outfit, it's because you're waiting for people to feed you really good food. I LOVE lounging around. Good work, Katr.

We packed up Saturday morning and once Boka and her lady friend Cawi had arrived, Katr whisked me off all the way downtown for our birthday destination - the Pan Pacific Hotel. Our room had crazy views, but most of the photos I took looked like I was getting ready to be a jumper.

And also, there were some delightful birthday treats for me:

OMG, these are like crime scene photos suddenly, as I realize I forgot about these truffles - WHERE ARE THEY?? Probably in my giant purse.

After savouring some birthday chocolate, we went swimming in the heated outdoor pool with a lot of frat boys and sorority girls who were up from Seattle to abuse BC's legal drinking age of 19 and were preparing for the evening's booze cruise with a lot of pre-booze cruise drinking and bogarting the hot tub. O, to be 19 again and have all my good stories begin with "I don't know how I got there or whose barf it was!" It made me very smug about being 37.

After a swim, sauna, grooming and general lounging about (that outfit came in handy), we got dolled up and met our friends Elai and Doai (who were equally dolled up) at the Five Sails Restaurant and experienced the best tasting menu we've had in forever. The optional foie gras course...NOT OPTIONAL. If you go there, you must get it. It is SERIOUS.

There was a brief hiccup when Elai and Doai presented me with Seasons 4 & 5 of Dexter and I thought about faking a cramp so that I could go watch it all, right now, ALL OF IT, but they gave it to me on Blu Ray and the hotel does not provide Blu Ray players. BULLET DODGED.

The company was excellent and the food was insanely good. I am shedding a tear right now, just thinking about it. I didn't take any photos, because I was too busy with the eating and also, the drinking. But photos would just make both of us weep, so it's probably best you can't see them.

Sunday morning dawned pearly gray, or so I hear, because we slept through the dawn and well into the morning, waking up only when it became necessary to order breakfast before the room service deadline. And then we lolled about until the early afternoon, when it became apparent that they expected us to leave.

So thank you to Katr for organizing such a delicious birthday surprise!! Thank you to Boka and Cawi, who stayed with our corn-chip scented dog overnight!! Thank you to Elai and Doai for the delightful and sparkling evening and also, the Dexter! Ooo, the Dexter.

I watched the first episode of Season 4 a couple of nights ago. I have seen John Lithgow's ass. I WILL NEVER BE THE SAME. It's going to be a good year, gang.