Creampuff Revolution

Creampuffs Return to the Grind

6:00 a.m. is not the same as 9:00 a.m.

For one thing, it's a lot earlier. For another, I'm not really done sleeping. Thirdly, not only is it too dark to knit, but I no longer seem to have a full 8 hours a day to devote to that pursuit. I KNOW! Shitballs. This "back-to-work" stuff blows.

In other news, we have returned from fair Victoria, where we made out like bandits at Second Christmas! We felt quite spoiled by our books, dvds, extremely pricey face cream, and, of course, Santa's favourite stocking stuffer - the Clinique bonus. Among our gifts, I presented my father with the gift of several weeks of my slow slow knitting, resulting in - handknit socks!

He was kind enough to model them for me. Such a handsome foot!

We had a delightful time in Victoria, gorging on cheese and figs, watching the dog run free in the park and creating a new DC Comic series entitled Batman vs. The Widdler after Emmy Lou decided to take a big whiz in my parents' master suite. She was clearly exhausted after her crime.

We were a little concerned when we heard about all the snow happening in Vancouver and while she listened politely, I got the feeling my mom thought we were just being pussies. There was no snow in Victoria - surely we were exaggerating our piles of snowy troubles for effect (as she knows I am wont to do).

So when we hit some awesome blizzardation on the way home from the ferry last night, I was compelled to film it. It's almost as good as my seal oeuvre - ALMOST.

Happy Creampuff New Year!!

Oh, my lovelies. Love, sloth, bad weather and good eatin' - words cannot express the bliss we have experienced over the last week. It took awhile for us to remember how to not work, but after a day or two of hard slogging, we really found our "do nothing but what pleases" groove.

Emmy Lou has a new reindeer friend. Reindeer looks...nervous.

A delightful view of the snow covered city from our balcony, before it started raining and the combined icy crusted snow and slippery slush began to suck my will to live and ruin every dog walk.

Katr's giant atlas. I don't know why.

Three of my Sundara Yarn Seasons Collection booty from Katr (the fourth has already been commandeered for sockal purposes) - I made out like a bandit! A yarn bandit. A yarn bandit who wound 2200 yds of yarn into balls while watching 6 hours of Pride & Prejudice. A very tired yarn bandit. P.S. I just joined Ravelry as "Creampuff" - perhaps I'll see some of you there?

Dog - tree - fire roaring on the t.v. Aaaah yes. Perfection.

I hope you all had an equally felicitous holiday week of joy and fruitcake!

We were meant to cap our week of sloth with a visit from Katr's brother Drtr - sadly, a tree fell on his car during a windstorm in PA a couple of days ago (he was not inside the car at the time) and he couldn't make it up to Toronto in time to make his flight. Our hearts were as crushed as his hatchback - but we hope he can come do our every bidding for a visit sometime soon! Meantime, we are heading over to Victoria for second Christmas tomorrow, where the dog can finally run free and my family has promised to cheer Katr with impressions of her brother.

Happiest of New Years to you all! It's been a delightful break from the computer, but I must say I'm deeply looking forward to catching up on all of your 3-day eggnog bender antics! Huzzah 2009!

Knucks Leave Creampuff Knackered

NB: This post is about knitting. Knitting for love. And if you still don't care, then you're DEAD INSIDE.

November 1st marked the first day of Katr's Birthday Month and I wanted to kick it off with a warm and snuggly gift that said "Here's the thing I promised I would knit you months ago! To keep your hands warm while you're typing! The things that you've watched me knit every night for weeks! That you picked out the yarn for! Yeah! Surprise!"

The great thing is that she DID act surprised and delighted when I presented her with her gift - a pair of her very own Knucks. You'll notice in the photos below that I didn't do any embroidery on the knucks, because embroidery is for the weak. And by "the weak", I mean, "people who actually know how to embroider."

Katr's Birthday Month Knucks

Pre-assembly shots - I had to label each finger. Because counting stitches is for douchebags.

If I was making Knucks for Michael Jackson, I'd be done by now. Ha ha ha! Ha HA!

Gratuitous yarn shot - thanks for the lovely yarn, Jech!!

Knucks avec gorgeous hand model

Katr gleefully put on the knucks and toddled off to her computer, to enjoy their warm, snuggly goodness. Seconds later, we learned that:

1) Typing with knucks on is like spelunking for your date's nipples under a padded bra (not impossible, but difficult); and

2) It's really the tips of your fingers that get cold. That's right. The parts of your fingers that will never be covered by knucks.

Sorry, Katr. But at least you'll fit right in with the gang in my new adaptation of Dickens' classic Oliver Twist entitled "Please Sir, May I Know Where You Got that Fabulous Cerulean Cravat?"

Speaking of homos, have no fear Padu - I'm still working on your sweater:

Creampuff Experiences First World Problem

It's a good thing most of you were up already - otherwise my howls of agony may have awoken you from your sweet, gentle slumber. Because at 6:12 a.m. on this frigid dark morning, I discovered that our Black & Decker Versa Brew coffee machine, which I prepped last night, was no longer working.

I wish I had a good story to tell you about the coffee machine. I wish I could tell you that it went down fighting - that I plugged it in and heard a roar, that glass shattered, sparks came out of its ass and that a harsh voice filled the kitchen saying "I reclaim this machine for my people!"

The reality is that I plugged it in and pressed the on/off switch only to find that the button was...flaccid and unresponsive. I proceeded to do what any considerate lover would. I plugged it into a bunch of different sockets. I fiddled and jiggled and coaxed and encouraged. I used a variety of exciting instruments to perk it up, to get it clicking again...to put the snap back in its turtle. And then when my efforts were met with naught, I gave up and loudly berated it for its weakness.

I'm ashamed to say that I called it a cheap piece of shit. Which is true, but still...a low blow. Particularly since I bought it specifically for its cheapness nearly two years ago and until this morning it worked just fine.

We've rummaged through our obligatory lesbian tea cupboard and unearthed some caffeinated tea - chai for Katr, China Black for me. And while the sudden and unexplained demise of the Versa Brew was extremely distressing in the short term, I suppose that when my wrath subsides, I will appreciate the opportunity to get a better, more versatile coffee machine. You know, "for the office".

In the meantime, the only soothing balm I had was this post on BLIOTD, which contains not only cute pictures of an adorable child wearing a hat I knit, but praise for the hat itself, which appears to have grown with the baby. Thanks to BL's Male Handler for brightening a very dark Monday.

Overheard on Creampuff's Roadtrip - Choose Your Own Adventure

For the 12 year olds:

Scene: Our vehicle, 2:30 p.m. on our way from San Francisco, CA to Eugene, OR.

While Hungry Like a Wolf blares on the radio, I let out a silent, putrid belch borne of the Indiana Jones Whopper I had for lunch in Weed, CA. Katr fixes me with a withering glare.

Katr:  Holy. SHIT.

Me: I know. This Indy burger keeps producing sequels.

Simon Le Bon: Mouth is ALIVE with juices like WINE and I'm hungry like a wollll-

Me: If the franchise has one more release, I'm gonna have to start charging admission. But kids will still get in fr...

(rest of my sentence  drowned out by Katr rolling down my window on the highway)

For the knitters:

Scene: Our vehicle, 3:00 p.m., after leaving the Tom Bihn factory and showroom in Seattle where we got an amazing personal tour and left with many bags.

Katr: I can't believe you talked them into giving you that Swift Knitting Bag.

Me: I know. Pull over so I can look at it again!

Katr: How about you take a break from using your mind to drive the car and use it to picture the bag instead?

Me: Touché.

That's right, knitters - I'm helping to build Katr's Funky, Chic and Cool laptop bag review empire by reviewing - what else? - knitting bags.

And the Swift Knitting Bag by Tom Bihn is the first review up! Here's a quote:

With its clever construction, myriad organizational options and action-oriented name, I predicted that the Swift would take me from knit klutz to knit kninja in seconds. That's right! Knit Kninja! Hear that wooshing sound? That was me, finishing a whole sock before you could turn your head!

I do actually review the bag further down the page. It's a pretty awesome bag. Makes me want to knit things. Like my own shuriken and multiple sets of knunchucks. Kninja!

Creampuff Reveals the Winner! And, Some Knitting

I know that six of you crazed Buffy fans - SIX!! - have been waiting with bated breath to see who would win my extra copy of Fray. I decided on an impartial draw of names versus choosing the winner based on their answers to my quiz. Because I can accept that we disagree about ... certain things. I can accept that.

So the winner is....KAJey (or Lehu, partner of Not-So-Cynical Knitting Gal!) Congrats, KAJey! Send me your address by email and I'll have that copy of Fray in the mail to you pronto. And thanks to everyone who participated - I loved reading all of your Buffy-lovin' ramblings. Because although I pretend to be cool, I am just a big fucking geek.

And now, for some knitting.

Mom's Socks

These are the Dahlia socks from the Sundara Yarn Petals Collection. Mostly. I futzed with the toes because I like my way better and I didn't continue the pattern down the whole foot because I would never have finished them. Seriously.

I have been knitting these socks for my mother since September. Yeah, that's right. September.  These socks have been knit in Vancouver, Calgary, Toronto, Cancun, San Francisco, Monterey and Stratford, Ontario. But now - now they are done! In time for her birthday last Friday! Behold them!

I know! My mother had very shapely calves and ankles. As for the socks - I KNOW!! They're not THAT fancy. Nine months!! It's like I had a mental block about the pattern - here's a close-up from an earlier take:

It was an extremely painstaking process until about two pattern repeats away from the end of the leg of the second sock. Then, suddenly, I discovered I had finally memorized the six line pattern. And it only took nine months!! Let's take another look at my mother's shapely foot:

In the course of knitting these masterpieces, I also discovered that the pattern looks just as good on the back as on the front. So now that I've memorized the fucking thing, you'd better believe I'll be using this pattern EVERYWHERE. Other socks - hats - scarves - potholders - you name it.

Of course, my next project is a little larger in scope (but not much). Over a year ago, I bought yarn to make my best friend Padu a sweater. Yesterday, I bought the correct needles. Fortunately, Padu is slim and reed-like and the pattern for the sweater is easy. So at this pace, he'll have the sweater in time for his birthday!

His fortieth birthday.

In 2015.

Creampuff Receives May Flowers to Counter April Showers

I'm getting to that delicious point of tired - that point where you've been getting up too early, working for several hours on something you really like and then going to bed too late for days and days - where you start to feel nauseated all the time and your hair looks like Buckwheat because you had your "morning shower" at 11 p.m. and then slept on it and everything seems either TRAGIC or HILARIOUS. Hahahaaa - hilarious!! All caps is HILARIOUS!!

Fortunately for you, I'm just stopping by here to share some Monday morning cute-osity and report that this hat:

has found its way to this extremely innocent baby:

"What seems to be the problem, officer? No, that's not my weed. No, it's not."

"Hee hee - it WAS my weed! Lucky I kept the rest under my hat...Where are those Cheetos?"

Oh, the cuteness of this baby! The chubby cheeks! The mischievous expression! This jumper makes her head look like the topmost flower of a stalk of beautiful flowers. I would like a shirt like that and on the back, I would write "I'm a delicate flower - you asshole" because I always thought that would be funny.

Baby Elsa's mom, a friend of Katr's, sent these pics in accompanied by the nicest note ever:

Here are a few pics of Elsa in the hat. … the most beautiful hat in the world …. I think Rosemary could go into business selling these hats. I’ve had so many compliments on how adorable the hat is … in fact people comment on the hat and not the baby…. But I’m ok with that, we don’t want her getting a big head!

I was so flattered and flushed with her compliments that I briefly considered following her suggestion and going into the baby hat business. I love knitting! And babies, from afar. But then Katr pointed out that it takes around eight hours to knit these things and I can only knit for about four hours at a time and the yarn ain't free and that at even a fraction of my going rate, I would have to charge around $200 for each hat to keep the dog in her fancy designer kibble.

So people who are actually in the hat business? You can stop looking over your shoulder and relax.

I wish you all a most fabulous week!

Creampuff Distraction

Many of you have emailed me privately to ask why, WHY, after my many and varied protestations, I totally caved and joined Facebook yesterday. The reason is too embarrassing and mundane to go into detail about here; suffice to say that it involved a good-looking woman who isn't my spouse and a German existentialist fable.

While I may have gone over to the dark side, it's important to remember that innocence and purity still exist in the world.

Exhibit A:

Oh my holy Jesus. This baby is KILLING me softly with his hat. Killing me softly - with his hat, telling my whole life - with his hippo jumper. It's the kind of picture that makes me think about having babies. Thank goodness I read this right after seeing the photo. Whew! Reproduction averted.

Many thanks to my cousin Jero for the gorgeous soft blue Baby Ull yarn, which she gave me as a wedding gift. And many thanks to the baby's parents, who let me post their gorgeous son's picture on my blog for knit bragging purposes.

Where did I first see this photo? Yeah . . . Facebook. I'm not proud of it, but there it is.

Creampuff Detritus

It occurred to me as I reached for my coffee this morning and nearly sent the phone, my glasses, an open bottle of Advil and a CD on the loose from its protective case skittering across the floor that I am in dire need of some office organization.

My "office" is the dining room table. While I love its proximity to the goodies in the kitchen and excellent view of the front door (like Katr, I am on constant ninja-alert), I do not love its lack of drawers or other office-type amenities. I don't need much to make it more functional. Perhaps some kind of caddy, with a place for pens and USB keys and slots for a "to-do" pile and a "filing pile" and an "Old Fashioned Black Licorice Cigars with Authentic Look Red Glow Tip in Genuine Wood Look Cigar Case from Costco" pile (licorice cigars make me more productive. Also, butch. Are my black teeth turning you on?)

Right now, my "important papers management" system is best described as "Oh my fucking god, I TOTALLY just saw it yesterday, where is it?? Where is it?? Where the fuck is -- oh, here it is." No WONDER I never get anything done.

This morning, I finally snapped and went through it all. I found (mostly) paid bills, countless USB keys, pens I thought were lost forever, our marriage certificate and a teeny tiny string of plastic pearls. What the . . .

"What are these?" I asked, waving them at Katr.

"Hammy the Hamster's anal beads?"

"Yeah," she replied over the sound of me DYING over my own joke, "aren't those the beads you found before Christmas? The ones you thought looked like hamster anal beads and you saved them for the sole purpose of blogging about them?"

Oh. Yeah, that's right. I've had some hamster's anal beads on my desk for over a month because I wanted to take a picture of them. For you guys. Never say I don't love you.

Speaking of love, I'm back on the knitting. I'm still labouring through a tiny mystery project (so laborious! so tiny! so mysterious!) but I've also been knitting a lot of baby hats. I sent two off without documenting them (I'm hoping to get pictures back with actual babies in the hats) but since I was taking photos of Hammy's sex toys anyway, I thought I'd take a picture of this one before it wings its way east.

I hope the kid's head is at the upper limit of size.

Creampuff Says "Wha...?"

I've been doing some knitting lately, but it's all mystery knitting, because it's that time of year. The time for mystery knitting. I was choked, because posting pictures of my amateurish knitting always fills me with a sense of accomplishment but we all know that the first rule of mystery knitting is that you can't post photos of it on your blog. But then - in a flash! - I remembered I DID have some unposted knitting pictures nestled in my inbox. And so, I share them with you.

Lidy's Hat

I knit this cotton hat for little Lidy before he was born and then totally didn't mail it (as Sparkles can attest, I'm ass at mail). So when we were in Toronto in August, I brought it with me and we gleefully and sneakily dropped it off on Lidy's mom Lupa's porch, like fat fairies.

Time passed and I heard naught of the hat from Lupa, which was very unlike her. As it turns out, she got the hat but was confused over who had left the gift bag on the porch (our signatures were poor and her neighbour has the same first name as Katr). Once we figured it out, though, she gave ME a gift - these HILARIOUS PICTURES of her adorable son in the hat.

Oh my god, Lidy. That's the look I have on MY face most of the time. A sort of "Wha . . .?" look.  Except I don't have the "I'm a baby in a fetching hat getting my picture taken" excuse.

And then this is the look I have after I realize I have a "Wha...?" look on my face and then I think "Homo says what?" and laugh at my own joke. Ah, good times.

Because I can't resist, here's a close up of some mystery knitting. Just a close up. I'M NOT SAYING WHAT IT IS.

And finally, the reason we're all here . . . today's truffles.

Cassis * Silky dark chocolate ganache paired with a thin layer of cassis. (This truffle put the "ass" in "cassis". But in a good way. The way that Gina Torres puts the "happy" in my "pants".)

Vanilla * Dark chocolate ganache scented with Tahitian vanilla (I feel like Thomas Haas has some kind of Tahitian connection. The truffle was, naturally, delicious, but the artwork on it was the real attraction.)