It started out with Katr being sick with a horrible cough. Katr only gets sick once every five years or so, so she likes to make the most of it. Every cough sounds like aliens are trying to communicate. It is truly pathetic and I felt terrible for her.
Next on our gay agenda was some devastating health news about a family member. So that was pretty much it for the day. We spent the entire day on the couch, staring at the TV, Katr coughing like she was literally hacking up a lung and me weeping and eating my feelings.
If all of the world's ills could be solved by ice cream and kettle corn consumption, I would have made the world a better place on Wednesday.
As night fell, we stirred and started to make a move towards the bedroom, to continue our hacking and weeping, but in a horizontal position. As usual, our patio door was open to let in the night breeze. As I got up to close it, Emmy Lou took off outside like a shot.
I assumed she'd spotted a squirrel in the yard and I was prepared to let her have her fun - she'd been trapped inside all day with crying, expectorating fatties, after all - but it turns out that it wasn't a squirrel.
In our yard.
And as Emmy Lou joyfully gamboled towards it, the skunk sprayed Emmy Lou in the face.
Most dogs, after a skunk sprays them in the face, will leave the skunk alone. Not our dog. Our dog went in for round two. Our dog is so butch. So we're screaming at Emmy to leave the skunk alone and screaming at the skunk to leave and in the end we managed to corral the pooch but the only way to separate her and the skunk was to bring her inside the house, where she proceeded to spit foamy skunk oil all over the front hall.
It's funny that I was so worried about the skunk and yet had no skunk-begone type products in the house. It's like I didn't want to buy them in case they jinxed us. Well, it turns out that was fucking stupid.
I stood in the foyer with our foaming dog on her leash while Katr looked up what to do and then called the emergency vet, just to make sure. Then Katr got in the vehicle and had to drive to four different Shoppers Drug Marts in order to get enough hydrogen peroxide to sluice the skunk oil from our dipshit dog. We washed the dog - we threw out a lot of towels and a rug and our clothes.
We slept with our lavender eye pillows under our noses like pomanders. The dog slept the sleep of the just. And the next morning, I went to the pet store and loaded up on Nature's Miracle and then went next door and loaded up on ice cream. Because I needed both.
It's been a few days but I think that the skunk-odor remover and the constant fans have done their work - the house seems relatively skunk free! The dog only stinks when she's wet or hot! Sadly, though, the attack occurred in the garden and I fear that might be it for our skunk-oiled crop of cherry tomatoes.
So NOW when we leave the house at night, I have to check the yard AND the boulevard for the fucking skunk. And ditto on the way back. Emmy Lou is not allowed out in the yard at night alone anymore. And really, I've had enough. This thing is going DOWN. Stay tuned.