We have a new intern starting today! She's joining us for the summer and I couldn't be more thrilled. Having an intern not only makes us unspeakably cool but will also, you know, help us kick more ass. I'm not going to tell you her name, but it RHYMES with "Berin".
Sure, this means that I'll have to wear pants two days a week, which we all know is a hardship - but I'm willing to make that sacrifice for the good of our business.
My only real concern, I told Katr, was that Berin would be too young to get my Monica Lewinsky jokes. That's when Katr informed me that there would be no Monica Lewinsky jokes. And also that:
- I'm not allowed to refer to the intern as "the monkey", as in "Bring me a Fanta, Monkey!" or "Monkey, rub my feet!"
- The intern will neither be bringing me Fantas nor rubbing my feet.
- I should avoid using my disgusting cuss phrases around the intern (i.e. instead of saying that Typepad is "shitting the bed", I should say Typepad is "slow today".)
- The intern is not here to walk the dog so that I can catch up on Pet Society.
- I can't tell Berin when she gets here this morning that she doesn't actually have the job and that in fact, she and our impromptu houseguest Padu will be duking it out for the position in a battle of wits and physical prowess which Katr and I will film and then pitch at the neXtMEDIA conference in Banff next week as a cross between Survivor, Eco-Challenge, The Apprentice and Gold Case.
- The intern will not be in charge of "scone appropriation", "muffin acquisition" or "latté liberation".
- "Starpukes" is a stupid "I hate it" name for "Starbucks". This has nothing to do with the intern, Katr just heard some guy on a cellphone yesterday going on and on about "Starpukes" until she wanted to give him a quick dunch in the pick.
Despite these dire warnings, I'm sure we'll find lots of ways to have fun with the summer intern. Like later this morning when I make her vacuum the ... no? Well, okay, then at lunch when she makes me a sandw - really? Geez. At least I have Topless Tuesday to look forward to, right? Katr? Right?
