I have many nicknames for the dog - Gym Socks, Dingus, Space Cadet, Clicky McClickington, Douchetastic - but the one I usually use in public is "Cutie". "Cutie" is a good nickname when you have a dog who is occasionally a dingus, because when people walk by and see you wrestling your dog out of a bush while calling her "cutie", they assume that, while your dog might be a dingus, you still love the dog and they don't need to call the S.P.C.A.
So yesterday, Emmy Lou and I were waiting at the intersection behind a young lady. She was, strangely enough, all in white - white cropped quilted jacket with white fur trimmed hood. White jeans. White boots. It was a muddy day and I was quite impressed by the pristine condition of her ensemble.
The light changed and, as usual, I had to yank my fossicking dog away from the lightpost to get her to cross the street. In doing so, I leaned forward and said into the back of the girl's head, "Okay! Let's go, cutie!"
The girl whipped around and gave me a look that would have disintegrated my balls. I realized that she hadn't seen the dog. She thought I was talking to her.
Then I LAUGHED IN HER FACE.
Naturally, I couldn't stop laughing and instead of apologizing, I merely wheezed, choked and sputtered while White Pants speedwalked away from me. I couldn't see her face, but her ass sure looked angry.
Anyway - to the young lady who thought I was hitting on you at the intersection - I'm sorry. I was talking to my dog. Also, get over yourself.
That's right, bitches - a bag with your initials!! To enter, all you have to do is leave a comment on Funchico by Feb 4th, with your favourite romantic couple from history or literature or film or slash fiction or your own sick imagination. I'm not allowed to enter. Katr says for ethical reasons, but I suspect she's afraid I'll lower the tone, so I'm leaving it up to you guys to lower the tone for me. I know I can count on you.
Now, I know it's not a laptop bag full of dildos - although if you're in the market for something like that, Come Together gift baskets can set you up (right, Pugs?). But a red laptop bag can still be a very romantic gift ... particularly for your laptop. Or for me, if it contains a laptop-sized box of chocolates and some yarn.
UPDATE: I wanted to mention Come Together gift baskets because they're an awesome idea (not just for Valentine's), they're made by and for lesbians and the lesbians who make them are lovely! But then I had to update just now when I discovered that Sugarbutch is having a Come Together gift basket giveaway. That's right - enter BOTH giveaways and that laptop bag full of dildos fantasy could actually come true. Make it happen!