I've been feeling kind of listless lately. Unmotivated. Laissez-faire, if you will. It took me a while to assess situation but what I finally realized was this: last week, my destiny on this earth was fulfilled and now I just don't know what the fuck to do with myself.
As some of you may recall, I did a piece called The Dirty Dozen at Hysteria a few years back where I "created a character" who had a doughnut fetish. "Her" ultimate sexual fantasy was to swim naked in a pool of warm, sugary Krispy Kreme doughnuts and rub those soft, pillowy lard wads ALL OVER. The "character", Mary-Pat, talked about how starting a new fetish is a challenge but that she founded the "glazer" community so that doughnut fetishists would know that they are not alone. Many people confessed their secret doughnut desires to me that night and I was honoured. And a little "hungry" for doughnuts.
In the three years since that piece, other than occasionally being referred to as "doughnut girl" by drag queens, very little has come of my doughnut fetish "performance". Until last week.
Through channels that may forever remain murky, I was contacted a couple of weeks ago by a film student at the Vancouver Film School who said:
I am making a documentary about doughnuts and I am interested to know if you would be interviewed. We have on board a doughnut philosopher and a doughnut poet and I think you would complete our film very well.
It would involve a brief interview, probaby take about 1 hour in all. We would love if you were in character for the interview. We are trying to prove with our film that doughnuts can, and will, save the world. What do you say?
What do I SAY??
I met with the director a couple of days before the shoot. He was a very soft-spoken and intense young man who encouraged me to get to the emotional core of the character and warned me that he might ask her some very personal questions about her sexual relationship with doughnuts. I believe I blushed. What the doughnuts and I do is private. He assured me that he was not there to exploit me in any way. He was very compelling. Also, I was pretty sure he'd show up with doughnuts. I was right.
He brought doughnuts.
And a bunch of other guys.
And a lot of equipment.
The dog was very curious.
And ended up overseeing the whole endeavour.
I'm not going to lie to you. Talking on camera about the sexual thrill my "character" derives from rubbing herself with warm doughnuts was a pretty intense experience. Being completely real and sincere about it was even more intense, as you all know how much I fucking love to laugh at my own jokes. But in the end, we all managed to get through it with grace and dignity (except for the part where I compared soft doughnuts to boobs and made that classy two-handed honking motion) and I cannot wait to see this thing. CANNOT WAIT.
When it was all over, we had a snack.
And then they were gone.
I made them leave me the doughnuts.
So that's it. I was in a documentary about how doughnuts can, and will, save the world. Where do you go from there? WHERE??
Back to YouTube, I guess . . .
