Creampuff Avoids Facebook Like It's Aliens Brandishing the Anal Probe

Facebook. I do not care for it.

I do not have a good reason, like I did when I refused to get a Myspace page. I think we can all agree that Myspace is horrible. It's more like in elementary school, when everyone else in my class, EVEN THE BOYS, begged and pleaded with their parents to buy them Cabbage Patch dolls and I didn't want one. Because they were uggo.

In the face of increasing and nearly daily pressure to join, I sat down to try and think of some legitimate reasons why I am so violently opposed to joining Facebook. Here's what I came up with.

1. I just don't want to.
   
2. I'm already in touch with most of the people I actually like from elementary, junior high, high school, university and beyond. How do I know? I know because they're all inviting me to become their friends on Facebook.
   
3. This weekend, I received the following email:
   
   Roro -
   I was talking to [name withheld] (also a fan and an acquaintance of yours from Edmonton) and we cyberstalked you to find an e-mail address [emphasis added].  I hope you don't mind the intrusion.  You don't know me, but we're both from Edmonton and I've seen you in a few
   plays.
   
   Years ago you wrote a play that was performed at the Citadel (possibly by [name withheld]?  [name withheld]? Someone who was a girl?  I can't recall) that was notable for many reasons, not the least of which was
   that it included over 50 synonyms for vomit.  Very notable as it has come up in conversation at least once a year since I saw the play read.
   
   It goes on. But my point is that someone I hardly know had NO TROUBLE tracking me down to ask about some play I wrote when I was 17 and I didn't need to be on Facebook for them to do it.
    
4. I love tiny updates and disconnected minutae as much as the next gal, but if I want those, I'll watch Entertainment Tonight. What I want from my friends is actual NARRATIVE. I want to hear your stories. So basically what I'm saying is that I'd like everyone I know on Facebook to just have a fucking blog like a normal person.
   
5. Unlike my beaverancée, I feel that I do not need to be on this thing "for work" just yet, although she has pointed out, fairly convincingly, that this may not be the case. I believe her words were, "a presence is better than an absence". Hmph.
   
6. Everyone I know who's on Facebook laughs (or cries) over how obsessed they are with it. Updating their status. Leaving notes on friends' walls. I believe them and am afraid. I spend too much time in front of the computer already. The last thing I need is some other reason to stay up late hitting "refresh". Seriously.
   
7. A lot of people I know, love and miss are on Facebook and let's be honest - we're shit at keeping in touch. On the other hand, alot of other people are on Facebook too. People I dislike and wouldn't ordinarily have to deal with. People I've been avoiding since elementary school, junior high school, high school and university. People who chap my ass. 

I know I'm being ridiculous. It feels pretty good. Ultimately, though, I feel that my "no likee" position on the mighty Facebook is untenable. It comes down to two possibilities: Will I continue to childishly hold out until Katr just joins and impersonates me to potentially save my career? Or will I ultimately cave independently of her because Gina Torres invites me to become her Friend on Facebook? History will decide.

Comments

[Kristen]

I hate to say this...I caved. So many friends are posted out this year, all over the world and they talked me into it, even the ones who visit my site regularly. I have to say though, I am not obsessed, I don't search for people, I don't write on "walls". In fact, I only go to facebook when I get an email from them. The choice is yours....

[zoe]

Stay strong and be a hold out like me. I hate facebook and myspace. I can't really pinpoint why I hate them other than I don't really think I need a shrine to myself or a good way for someone to thieve my identity. But hey, I have to be dragged kicking and screaming in to all the new trends.

[k-prime]

As we are all aware, I'm a total Facebook junkie. I really have no excuse for it. I love it, it's great for keeping in touch with people, blah blah blah. But DEFINITELY just the latest trend. My goal is to be good enough friends with the people I've re-connected with that in a month when I get sick of it and delete my acct, we'll stay in touch.

[zuhn]

Facebook is worse than MySpace because everyone I know is on it and the daily references to Facebook makes me want to gouge my eyes out. You should do what I do everytime someone mentions that god-awful site - mutter "Fucking Facebook" with all the malice you can muster.

[Sparkles]

Hmmm...funny, it seems like so many places like that are popping up. I just got repeated invites to something called "Tagged". I just ignored the invite.

Besides if I want my brain sucked out, I'll do it on Ravelry! LOL

Plus I've just NEVER been one of those social people...I leave all of that to R

[Lex]

um... I admit, I'm addicted. Wall notes, messages and events get sent automagically to my cell phone as if I'm someone special that people want to IM. Generally, they read something like "{some random person you don't know} just invited you to {something you're going to say "maybe" to, but you know damned well you'll be on the couch watching Search For the Next Pussycat Doll instead}. It'll be gre [press "n" to continue reading]" Pressing "n" gets me nowhere.

However I did find out about Harvey's free hamburger day (last sunday) and the $2 Gyros day at Messini... so it's not all bad.
Cave, just so I can be amused with your "roro is..." status updates.

[Kate]

If Gina Torres sends you an invite on Facebook, you are most definitely not joining. Because they don't have an "I have a beaverancee" option under "Relationship". So you'd probably just put "It's complicated" which might give Torres the in she needs. Hands off, Torres - Roro's mine!

Confidential to Sparkles .. there is something coming along that is even more brain sucking than Ravelry. http://knit2.com/

[kism]

I give you one month, tops. See you there!
xo

[Heather]

As much fun as facebook is, I still say that in addition to the "poke" feature there should also be a "flip the bird to" feature. Turns out my insane former roommate (bipolar, bulimic, and bitchy) has gone from being a free-loving (12 partners in 12 nights. different ones. Yes really.) an everything is culturally relative, anti-religion, and western society being the scourge of the earth, particularly those Christians who try to convert the natives.

Yeah um now she's the wife of a baptist minister who "found Christ" (who knew he was missing? the son of God and he gets lost? I'd think all that omniscience would give him a rockin' sense of direction but apparently not) and now works as a baptist converting the heathens in South Asia. True story!

And without facebook I wouldn't have been able to secretly laugh my ass off about it.

P.S. I caved WAY before it was cool to do so. Which makes me highly un-cool.

[ScaryBez]

Reason 6 is a good reason not to join. Now that I'm signed up I spend even less time studying than when I just had various blogs to browse. That said, I do like it a lot more than myspace and it's a good way of sharing photos. AND you get the satisfaction of clicking 'reject' on that nasty girl from secondary school who was meant to be your friend but you really hated. hahahaha! (or is that just me?)

[Sarah]

Oh Rose. I feel your pain. I feel like I can pinpoint when Facebook reached The Tipping Point - seems like within the past month - because I feel like every day, in completely different and random circumstances, Facebook comes up. I've been resisting, for some of the reasons you mention, but I know I'm very close to caving.....At the same time, I could just keep getting Jason to let me use his login to spy on other people......haha.

[roro]

Kristen - There's no shame in caving. And it sounds as if you're making a very sane use of it! Perhaps my addictive personality makes me fear it all the more.

zoe - Thanks for the message of solidarity. I too am not so much an "early adopter". But I AM and "early complainer".

k-prime - See, that seems like a good goal! As for being a junkie - I hear you. I know that if I was on it, I'd be ALL OVER IT.

zuhn - Sing it, Sister!

Sparkles - Denial is a perfectly valid choice in these situations. Well done!

Lex - Ooo - free hamburgers? Okay, I may have to rethink this.

Kate - I love it when you square off with Gina Torres.

kism - If it happens, you will be the first to know about it.

Heather - Hahahahahahaaaaaaaaa! Whew. That's awesome.

ScaryBez - See, that's the thing - I'm too much of a hypocrite to reject people. Clearly, Facebook is not my problem - BOUNDARIES are.

Sarah - I like your "using Jason" idea. I haven't gotten around to using Kate for this purpose yet, but maybe when she gets back . . .

[KnittingPainterWoman]

I am with you. For one thing I am too old for Facebook OR myspace. It's amazing I can figure out Flickr and Blogger. If you go to www.Boston(dot)com you can read the cautionary tale about a pediatrition who lost a pretty hefty malpractice suite because people figured out that he was the author of a blog that divulged aspects of the lawsuit. None of this that we write is GUARANTEED to be anonymouse, untrackable, etc. The best news I had (and this is weird) is that the possibly mentally guy I dated in highschool is deceased.... found out through Ancestors(dot)com.
Come on folks: It's called boundaries. Be polite and civil.

[ChGi]

Facebook is part terrifying, part titillating. I was interested to see what had happened to many long lost friends from as far back as Grade 7. All the girls have different last names now, some of them very silly. Some people insist on using their wedding picture as their profile photo. Those things can be amusing. The scary part is that - just as you describe - people who you barely knew, or never knew, or forgot on purpose, come out of the woodwork and start acting like you should be buddies, and write chummy comments on their wall, or something. That's irritating. Still, I'm in it for the amusement... or maybe I just like being part of the herd. I can completely understand why you'd want to shun facebook.

[wenders]

I concur - I do not like those faux-networking relationship sites. I still think face-to-face, in person interactions are best.

And Kate, really. Did I need to know that Ravelry and knit2 were both out there, waiting for me?

[SassyFemme]

FaceBook doesn't hold the slightest interest for me, neither does MySpace. I am on Classmates.com, and have reconnected with some old HS friends through that. Beyond that, facebook and myspace are more like popularity contests, and I have no desire to be a pagent contestant.

[Heather]

I have a facebook profile, but I'm pretty ambivalent about it. On the one hand...yeah, it's interesting. On the other hand, I have no desire to know of my coworker's drunken exploits or to be tracked down for a 'how are you?' by the grade school bully. I don't really see how it's useful. If you wanted to stay in touch with me...well, wouldn't you already know how to find me?

[Aphra]

I'm NOT doing it. The thought of so many people being able to find me so easily *shudders*. I hated almost everyone I went to school with and don't want anything to do with them. Also, my students keep trying to make me go on there which can't be a good thing in my opinion.

[Chezza]

I'm getting a kick out of Crackbook for the "seeing old classmates" and "oh so THAT's what happened to you after you took off backpacking in the '90s and I never heard from you again" things. Also, I sorta fell off the edge of the world, communications-wise, for a few years, and it's a nice, lazy way to be back loosely in touch with interesting people I used to know. (And I'm too lazy to blog.) Not so scary as all that - there's a million reasons not to join, of course, but it's not like you can't adjust your privacy settings, edit your own content, reject "friend" requests from people who freak you out or who you don't recognize...you have to be a little careful of some of the add-ons because they can reduce your privacy, but unlike MySpace, FB profiles are not Google-able, which is a plus...

[roro]

KnittingPainterWoman - I too think your use of Flickr and Blogger is prodigious. Huzzah!

Chgi - Hahahaaa! If I ever use a wedding photo as a profile photo, I want you to shoot me.

wenders - I agree! Except for how I really just keep in touch with people through my blog. As for knit2 - I can't wait either!!!

SassyFemme - Me neither! Unless it's a creampuff pageant and the prize is cheesecake.

Heather - I don't know - I think a coworker's drunken exploits might be pretty compelling. Of course, I work alone. And I already know all about my own drunken exploits.

Aphra - Hahahaaaaaaaa! You're hilarious. Don't hold back - tell us how you really feel.

[ally bean]

I'm with you on this one. I refuse to do it. I especially like reason #4. Give me a narrative.

[HB]

I'm with Chezza - I think it's cool with the "oh so THAT's what happened to you"-thing. Also, it sometimes happens that I'm too lazy to blog. *cough* But only when it's sunny, when it's actually WARM in Norway:-)

[belledame222]

(beaverencee!!)

i can't keep up with all the newfangled technology those kooky kids are into today.

[Daniel]

With what is likely part of my eventual dumping of Facebook, I have posted a note on my profile with a link to your blog.

It seems counter intuitive, but it's not. ;)

[jodi]

see, my brother caused me to cave not too long ago (under the guise of "staying in touch with our cousins" or something similarly sinister). Cheryl followed suite and while I admit it's easy to call her from downstairs at the office, it's more fun to see what she wants for lunch via posting on her wall. Actually, the big tipping point for joining for me was that I couldn't be googled - I didn't want opposing counsel seeing my facebook page and stupid pictures; happily FB allows you to restrict your profile to just your "friends."

And friends are quite fun to be reacquainted with. I've heard from a few people from elementary school who are also living in NY - we're all going for drinks next week. Yes, there are those people who request your "friend" status on FB that leave you scratching your head ("what? you totally trashed my ass in high school and now you think we're FRIENDS?") but you can reject those people and - hurray! - have a fun page with the friends you do care about.

I'm sure, like anything else online, this site will run its course. The founders turned down $1billion offer from Google to stay private and they seem to want to build an application-based social networking site that doesn't "sell out" and aggregates information using partnerships with smaller companies. Whatever befalls FB, it serves its purpose for me - it's been a lot of fun getting reacquainted with old friends and see pictures of my curren ones. If it falls apart in a few months, years, whatever - it was still fun. :)

Join lady. JOIN!

[Rose's mom]

You go girl!
Love
Mom

[memi]

:)))

[roro]

ally bean - Excellent. Hold-outs unite!

HB - I don't blame you for soaking up every warm moment you can. But I don't know if I can condone the FB use.

belledame222 - Hahaaa! Yeah, you know - sometimes we have to create new vocabularies. And "beaver" is so underused!

Daniel - Hahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaa! Excellent.

Jodi - NO ONE wants opposing counsel seeing their Facebook page. That was some very persuasive lawyer-talk, young lady. As Chezza will tell you, I'm still thinking about this whole thing.

Mom - Thanks, Mom! See, my mom agrees with me.

Memi - Totally.

[Cynical Knitting Gal]

Umm, I think that Facebook scares me a little. If I wasn't in touch with people there was a reason. How can I stay in the moment and dig into the past? It won't work with my spiritual system (that I just created as I typed this lol).

Ahem, uh, and there is another side of me that is slightly curious and perhaps a bit masochistic who might want to dredge up the past and see what's there...only time will tell.