Free Porn "Podcast" for Creampuff

I can only assume Lex was referring to this incident when she suggested I "locate neighbours for late night peeping" in a comment she left recently. Lex makes great suggestions and I was eager to comply with her request.

Unfortunately, our window is distressingly far away from any of the surrounding buildings in our 'hood - which is great for wandering about pantsless but not so great for catching your neighbours "in flagrante" (that's Latin for "scronking"). So I gave up on experiencing any further amateur porn.

This weekend, Katr and I returned home from a rough day of shopping and hanging out on a patio. We were puttering about, putting things away and that's when we heard it. A kind of feminine sighing and also, moaning. Hmmm.

We quickly determined it wasn't us. And our t.v., for once, wasn't on. Through the process of elimination, we pinpointed the source. It was our neighbours. And they were gettin' biz-izzay.

The sighs began in a pretty G-rated kind of way. Like perhaps the young man was giving his lady a nice massage or a first rate back scratch. It didn't take long, however, for the family show to get X-rated. As our neighbours' lusty cries increased, Katr and I looked at each other like shocked and titillated twelve year olds who'd sneaked into a screening of Animal House. And then we did what any two people would do when they heard their neighbours engaged in a private, intimate act; we turned the fan off, opened the window wider and settled down with some fruit leather.

It was pretty standard, as afternoon delights go. No creative dirty talk. Light spanking. Our particular favourite was the indignant screech the young lady let out when her swain attempted something ass-related. Come on, Josh - she no likee! It was all over before we'd finished our snack. Then we smelled cigarette smoke and heard them fire up the Justin Timberlake. JUSTIFY! Hot.

After we'd finished our teen giggling (and our fruit leather), it occurred to us that if we could hear our neighbours getting it on, they could certainly hear US. Heh heh. Huh. So I put it to you folks - does the possibility of someone listening in on your, uh, quality time, make you clam (ha ha) up or does it make you more exuberant? Or do you just crank Sir Justin and get down to it? JUSTIFY!

All I know is that if our neighbours were listening in last night, they would have heard me yelling "Fuck, fuck! Oh, sweet Jesus Christ! Oh my GOD! Ungh!" after I bashed my shin into our goddamn platform bed in the dark on my way back from the bathroom. My whole leg is black and blue this morning. Stupid bed.

Comments

[Mr Ed]

This post made me laugh out loud. I think this is one of the funniest things I have read in a long time and it was really well written. You really should write a book you know. Thanks for making my bad day better.

[kristen]

Wonderful! I would have been giggling along with you. And, yes, I am a bit of an exibitionist. You have to watch the pantlessness, or atleast keep clothes near you. UPS knocked on my door the other day and all my clothes were upstairs, past windows....

[Syd]

Clam up, LOL.

Awesome, roro. If anybody hears us, far away as we are from neighbors, I want some kind of medal. Or else she didn't sufficiently kill me before feeding me through the wood chipper, a la Fargo. (She threatens that, weekly)

When are they ever going to fully appreciate us, ro?

[zoe]

Oh how I do miss the days of apartment dwelling.

[greymatters]

Funny post there, Roro. I think I'm grateful I live in a house ... lol. Back in the day, I had a VERY noisy roommate, and I got a bit miffed by having to crank up the stereo to drown out all the noise (fortunately, her boyfriend seemed the proverbial two-pump chump, so the noise didn't last too long).

Then again, said roommate said that I was noisy, so ...

Anyway, I'm glad I'm living alone and in a house. I hope your shin heals quickly.

[Kate]

OMG. Two-pump chump. There is now granola all over my screen. Excellent, greymatters!

[Maggie]

'Settled down with some fruit leather'....LOL
Unfortunately, it's been a while since I settled down with fruit leather.

[Heather]

My old neighbours used to play U2 - Elevation every time they bumped uglies. I often studied in bed (cause law books are a fantastic cure for insomnia!) and got a laugh out of it, and even played it a few times at my place when I was having sleepovers. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em! (err hrm... that was a really bad choice of words).

[The Viscount of Ho-Yay]

Having lived above the Japanese Jenna Jameson for the past 2.5 years (no music, no sound-damping, just good ol' hentai-style squeals while we're trying to watch "24"), I honestly don't want to be heard in the throes, because although I may think we sound like Greek gods, if we sound anything like the epileptic Muppet downstairs, I could not live with anyone knowing.

[roro]

Mr. Ed - Thanks! I aim to please.

Kristen - that's a good tip. Though I'm sure the UPS guy had no complaints.

Syd - can genius like ours ever be truly appreciated, my friend? Well . . . history will decide.

Zoe - ha ha. I can smell the irony from here. Or maybe it's just weed . . .

GM - Oh, poor two-pump chump. I have never heard that before and it's AWESOME - I assume he's the kind of fellow who woos a lady with Two Buck Chuck before a short night of passion. . .

Kate - you're going to be using that expression all the time now, aren't you?

Maggie - fruit leather is where it's at! Set yourself up!

Heather - fantastic! And a most appropriate song. U2 - always there when you need them. Especially Bono.

Viscount - you render me speechless with laughter once again. Epileptic Muppet - HA ha! Awesome.

[greymatters]

I always loved that description, so I am most happy that you enjoyed it so, Kate & Roro. It's terribly descriptive, huh?

LOL there on the two-buck-chuck thought, too, Roro.

[anony]

funny! great writing