Creampuff Learns About Astrology
Chgi turned to me in the Tim Hortons on Wednesday and said "I've been holding back. But I think it's time I told you about Mercury."
Apparently, Mercury is in retrograde and it all started Wednesday, the day our Fringe show opened. What this means, in superstitious-layperson-who-knows-little-about-astrology terms, is that we'll all be experiencing some technical difficulties FOR THE NEXT THREE WEEKS. The following is a list of things that I am blaming on Mercury:
*Chgi and I went to get some photocopying and laminating done at a copy shop that we had previously been to, where the guy assured us he could handle all of our copy and plastic coating needs. He LIED, he couldn't figure out how to use his own copy machine but wouldn't let us use it and then we had to go to fucking Kinkos.
*When I printed the program for the show at home, I somehow got the template turned around so that the front was upside down and backwards, so Chgi had to fuck around with the paper cutter and scotch tape at Kinkos to make a master copy. When we went to make this master copy, we realized that we had left the originals at the Copy Shop of Lies.
*The bulb broke on our show slide projector a couple of hours before the show, so Chgi had to beetle off to Henry's to get a new one. Cost? $32.00 Handjob? NO.
*We got to the venue and the volunteers had written "Moon Sea Crossing" on the whiteboard in our time slot. We informed them of the mistake, which they slowly corrected by putting the incorrect title on the board. "87% True: The TIES That Bind" is not the name of the show.
*Lex didn't make it to opening night.
*We designated today as a Volunteer Appreciation Show, which means that any Fringe volunteer who wanted to could see the show today for free! Yay volunteers! We appreciate you!! We sent in the form. We checked it had been received by the Volunteer Coordinator. When we got to the venue, the volunteers there had no record of the Volunteer Appreciation show. And no volunteers took advantage of our phantom offer.
*Today before the show, Chgi checked the slide projector and it was working fine. The lights go down, the play starts, Chgi goes out, turns on the projector and . . . NOTHING. HOLY FUCKING SHIT. Let me tell you something; this is a new play and we're still working on it and every time it gets a little bit better, but it is TOUGH to act with a load in your shorts. We managed to improvise our way through the entire show and no one died. But - HOLY FUCKING SHIT.
*My Candy Swap package has not arrived.
*I found a dead cockroach in my toiletry kit this morning. What the . . . how the fuck did THAT get in there??
On the other hand, some really marvellous things have happened since we all bent over for Mercury.
*I got to meet the lovely Heather of life in the 'shwa, when she and her fiancé Dave left the 'Shwa and came to the opening night of the show!! We have agreed that meeting people off the internet is the new black. It was so awesome to meet them and awesome of them to come down. Next, I must meet their GIANT DOGS.
*I got a letter from Toronto Public Health telling me that I WAS RIGHT ABOUT THE DYSENTERY. In your FACE, two doctors who wouldn't give me anti-biotics!!! If I had more time, I would go to Kinkos and then wallpaper your offices with my letter from Toronto Public Health! Lucky for you, I am busy dealing with Mercury.
*Lex made it to the show today AND she bought us delicious treats and was generally wonderful, as always. Thanks, Lex!
*Katr's brother Drew acted as our mule from the States and now our fridge is full of Diet Wild Cherry Pepsi. Sweet, sweet Diet Wild Cherry Pepsi.
Well, I'd better post this now, before something else happens. Take care of yourselves out there. Look out for the stars.
So sorry Mercury is being mean to you. Can I blame Mercury for the crazy places that we are trying to stay at that won't take reservations?! Can't wait to see you guys in Edmonton.
Posted by: Kristen | July 07, 2006 at 07:20 PM
I bought my Frequent Fringer pass this afternoon, and the (suspiciously 905ish) couple behind me were having the following conversation.
"Is that the one with the bear?"
"No. 'That's 87% True: The Lies that Bind'".
"Well, where is THAT?"
"The... Venue 5."
"Well, what's Venue 5? Where is-- I can't find ANYTHING!"
At this point I said "It's the Factory Studio. And you should see it. It's really good."
They blinked. "Really? You've seen it?"
"Yes. Absolutely. It's awesome."
When it comes to Fringe, I am without scruples. But, you know, it's in line with the show's title.
Posted by: Xara | July 07, 2006 at 07:42 PM
I don't follow Mercury, retrograde or not... but I've often been warned by people who do. And I must say I was relieved to read your post, because the last few days I have felt SO PMS-y, and I had a hysterectomy 5 years ago. Now it makes sense.
Hope the fringe is fun.
Posted by: Painter woman | July 07, 2006 at 11:15 PM
dude, mercury is a dirty bastard. everything you described is easily a direct result. just hold on and know it will be over soon. well, not *soon* but *eventually*...
Posted by: dawn | July 08, 2006 at 10:09 AM
Kristen - YES!! You can blame Mercury for EVERYTHING. I too am looking forward to Edmonton - Mercury will be all fine by then!
Xara - Dude, you are AWESOME. Take THAT, Mercury!!
Painter Woman - so glad I could illuminate that for you! I too find it comforting in the extreme.
Dawn - Excellent to know that it's not just Chgi makin' stuff up. HA ha! Deep breathing is the only way to get through it, I think. Also, booze.
Posted by: roro | July 08, 2006 at 11:55 AM
Copy Shop of Lies?? LOLOLOL Is that where George W. gets his press releases copied?
Posted by: Ron Hudson | July 08, 2006 at 10:44 PM
Ah all the work that goes on behind the scenes. We had a fantastic time, both at the play and meeting you afterward. If the rest of the plays are as great as opening night I'm sure accolades will follow!
Posted by: Heather | July 09, 2006 at 08:51 AM
Wow, I go away for a week, and you get all retrograde...it sounds exciting (and/or annoying, depending on the individual item). I'll try to be back sooner next time, the stars permitting of course!
Posted by: kimananda | July 10, 2006 at 05:40 AM
so yeah. mercury's fucking with all sorts of things here too. for example? i FINALLY jumped on the ipod bandwagon and.....got the engraving wrong. or rather, spelled my freaking name wrong in the form on apple's website. awesome.
sigh.
Posted by: joet | July 10, 2006 at 01:50 PM
Ron - Yes. Yes it is.
Heather - Thanks!! It was so awesome to meet you guys. We'll have to do it again in the fall! You can show me wedding pictures and I'll show you photos of Hugo the Bear in front of the Vegreville Egg.
Kimananda - PLEASE never leave us alone for this long again.
Joet - Oh my god, I laughed so hard. Before sighing in sympathy of course. Effing Mercury. Will the incorrect engraving at least make a kicky nickname?
Posted by: roro | July 17, 2006 at 05:43 AM